I’m thinking birthday presents for Ari and I’m just not sure what to get her this time. Typically, I like to get her things that are fun for her, educational, age appropriate and that Daddy and I will not get terribly bored with. Quality and reasonably priced are also high on the list.
She likes when we read stories.
She loves anything art.
She likes puzzles.
She loves pretend games.
I’m considering this:
http://buildadreamplayhouses.com/shop/snack-shack/
I am also thinking of getting a few new books. We are reading in Spanish every night now. The books don’t have to be in Spanish, though. I can translate on the fly very easily. Also, Spanish books would not be Daddy friendly, as funny as it would be to listen to him read in Spanish to her!
What is your four-year-old enjoying these days? What do you think about the snack shack on the link above? Have you come across a list of preschooler-friendly books?
Sunday, September 11, 2011
My question of the week...
Couldn't figure out what a good title would be, sorry!
My big question at the moment: just why the hell is my child almost completely uninterested in spending time with me lately?
I’ll explain. We just got back from a seven-day vacation where Ari and daddy did tons of playing together. They went to pools. They pretended they were sharks, dolphins and octopuses. We went to the beach. Ari was in heaven because she had unlimited access to her dad, which is usually not the case. Someone has to go make money, right?
Ari and I did spend time together on our vacation, just not nearly as much as her and her dad did. He is a lot funnier and creative than me, I get it. And I am fine with that, honestly. Actually, I am very happy and grateful. They have a beautiful relationship.
All that being said, now that we’re home, pretty much nothing I do interests her. Let’s do laundry together. No thanks. Let’s play. No thanks. Let’s go get some chocolate. I’ll wait with daddy in the car. Let’s get you in the bath. A big, persistent no.
All day, all her and I have done together is have lunch and talk about her upcoming birthday party. Very unusual. I miss my baby and daddy is exhausted and craving quiet time.
We’ve talked to her about it and all we can get out of her is “I want to be with my daddy.”
I know this will pass. I know it’s not a big deal. I know it’s only a matter of days. I just wonder why it happens.
I keep reminding myself that this is nothing, but nearly weepy premenstrual me forgets sometimes. Damn hormones! They’re totally not working in my favor at the moment. They don’t want me getting pregnant and they make me want to cry. Freaking awesome.
I’m done whining, I promise!
My big question at the moment: just why the hell is my child almost completely uninterested in spending time with me lately?
I’ll explain. We just got back from a seven-day vacation where Ari and daddy did tons of playing together. They went to pools. They pretended they were sharks, dolphins and octopuses. We went to the beach. Ari was in heaven because she had unlimited access to her dad, which is usually not the case. Someone has to go make money, right?
Ari and I did spend time together on our vacation, just not nearly as much as her and her dad did. He is a lot funnier and creative than me, I get it. And I am fine with that, honestly. Actually, I am very happy and grateful. They have a beautiful relationship.
All that being said, now that we’re home, pretty much nothing I do interests her. Let’s do laundry together. No thanks. Let’s play. No thanks. Let’s go get some chocolate. I’ll wait with daddy in the car. Let’s get you in the bath. A big, persistent no.
All day, all her and I have done together is have lunch and talk about her upcoming birthday party. Very unusual. I miss my baby and daddy is exhausted and craving quiet time.
We’ve talked to her about it and all we can get out of her is “I want to be with my daddy.”
I know this will pass. I know it’s not a big deal. I know it’s only a matter of days. I just wonder why it happens.
I keep reminding myself that this is nothing, but nearly weepy premenstrual me forgets sometimes. Damn hormones! They’re totally not working in my favor at the moment. They don’t want me getting pregnant and they make me want to cry. Freaking awesome.
I’m done whining, I promise!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Current Topics of Conversation at Our Home
What’s with talking about genitals, pee and poo?! I remember my nephew doing it a few months back. I saw my friend’s 4-year-old son doing it. Now it’s our turn to listen to our child talk about bums, boobies, etc. She will tell you who has what. She will point to you and say things like "that's your bum!" She finds ways to mention pee and poo in random conversations.
Developmentally appropriate, I get it. It will pass, I know that too. I'm just curious as to why kids do this. And I'm really hoping that she doesn't decide to talk or sing about it in a big place full of people, just like my sister did when she was three!
Picture this! All of us, a family of five, were at my mother's postpartum checkup after my little brother was born. Out of the blue, my sister started singing about how men have penuses! Yeah, that's what kids do!
I decided to not make a big deal out of it, but to address in a matter-of-fact way. I talked to Ari about it and said that we can talk about body parts at home. She got it. How do I know? Because today, while we were walking in downtown Amherst, she said "mommy, I need to tell you a secret. I love your boobies!"
Here is to hoping that our preschool age children can talk about bums at home!
Developmentally appropriate, I get it. It will pass, I know that too. I'm just curious as to why kids do this. And I'm really hoping that she doesn't decide to talk or sing about it in a big place full of people, just like my sister did when she was three!
Picture this! All of us, a family of five, were at my mother's postpartum checkup after my little brother was born. Out of the blue, my sister started singing about how men have penuses! Yeah, that's what kids do!
I decided to not make a big deal out of it, but to address in a matter-of-fact way. I talked to Ari about it and said that we can talk about body parts at home. She got it. How do I know? Because today, while we were walking in downtown Amherst, she said "mommy, I need to tell you a secret. I love your boobies!"
Here is to hoping that our preschool age children can talk about bums at home!
Carseat Update
Short version: we ended up keeping the Graco Nautilus.
One complaint I have about this carseat, this model, anyways, is that it has the cover and a separate piece of fabric that serves as padding. It has holes to put the shoulder straps through, but only for shorter kids. So I took it off. Well, that is when Ari began saying it wasn't comfortable. I put it back on the car seat, but it is annoying because it is not attached to the seat in any way. It's not a big deal or anything. It's just an inconvenience when you are in a rush and you have to take an extra second to make sure the padding isn't bunched up.
One pro about the padding: if the child has an accident, you remove and wash only the pad. No need to remove the seat cover, which would be a pain because you would need to uninstall and reinstall the seat.
Other than my one complaint, I am happy with the seat. Now she is comfortable. The seat has excellent safety ratings. It has the infamous cup holder. It cost us only $150. And it was easy to install it. So the Graco Nautilus will be our child's seat until she is done with carseats, me thinks!
One complaint I have about this carseat, this model, anyways, is that it has the cover and a separate piece of fabric that serves as padding. It has holes to put the shoulder straps through, but only for shorter kids. So I took it off. Well, that is when Ari began saying it wasn't comfortable. I put it back on the car seat, but it is annoying because it is not attached to the seat in any way. It's not a big deal or anything. It's just an inconvenience when you are in a rush and you have to take an extra second to make sure the padding isn't bunched up.
One pro about the padding: if the child has an accident, you remove and wash only the pad. No need to remove the seat cover, which would be a pain because you would need to uninstall and reinstall the seat.
Other than my one complaint, I am happy with the seat. Now she is comfortable. The seat has excellent safety ratings. It has the infamous cup holder. It cost us only $150. And it was easy to install it. So the Graco Nautilus will be our child's seat until she is done with carseats, me thinks!
Bed time is the perfect time to reconnect with our cute kiddos!
I really shouldn’t be blogging right now. A big consulting project dropped on my lap a week ago. I have been working every day since then. We are going on vacation in three days. Nothing is ready! The house is a mess. Haven’t done laundry. Packing? I’ll do that on Friday night for a 7:10 a.m. flight on Saturday!
See why I shouldn’t be blogging? But I have to because I just read an awesome article that I felt was very moving and accurate. I felt the need to share it with you. I figure these articles have had a very positive impact on my family. If any of them help great things happen for your family also, then, this is definitely worth my time!
The article proposes that bedtime is moved up a bit so that there is time for the parent and the child to talk about the day. Why? What is the big deal? When we wine down and relax, it is easier to talk about what is in our minds, whether it is positive thoughts, a concern, a fear, frustration, etc.
Go read her article. It is beautifully written.
http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=204848&A=SearchResult&SearchID=2721254&ObjectID=204848&ObjectType=55
Ari and I usually spend the first 15 or 20 minutes of our day in bed together, snuggling and talking. I won’t tell you what she primarily talks about. Ok, I will. What the hell! She is obsessed with boobies! She loves them. She tells me that she loves them. Sometimes, she says she wants to hug them. I guess that is one of those things that kids who do extended breastfeeding do. Whatever.
We spend a bit of time with Daddy in the morning too. Starting the day off like that is priceless. I don’t know if we will be able to keep doing that when school starts, but we will sure try. I am thinking I will move bedtime up a bit so we can get a bit of time to chat with our chatty child at night and a bit of time first thing in the morning too.
See why I shouldn’t be blogging? But I have to because I just read an awesome article that I felt was very moving and accurate. I felt the need to share it with you. I figure these articles have had a very positive impact on my family. If any of them help great things happen for your family also, then, this is definitely worth my time!
The article proposes that bedtime is moved up a bit so that there is time for the parent and the child to talk about the day. Why? What is the big deal? When we wine down and relax, it is easier to talk about what is in our minds, whether it is positive thoughts, a concern, a fear, frustration, etc.
Go read her article. It is beautifully written.
http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=204848&A=SearchResult&SearchID=2721254&ObjectID=204848&ObjectType=55
Ari and I usually spend the first 15 or 20 minutes of our day in bed together, snuggling and talking. I won’t tell you what she primarily talks about. Ok, I will. What the hell! She is obsessed with boobies! She loves them. She tells me that she loves them. Sometimes, she says she wants to hug them. I guess that is one of those things that kids who do extended breastfeeding do. Whatever.
We spend a bit of time with Daddy in the morning too. Starting the day off like that is priceless. I don’t know if we will be able to keep doing that when school starts, but we will sure try. I am thinking I will move bedtime up a bit so we can get a bit of time to chat with our chatty child at night and a bit of time first thing in the morning too.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Article: What if five minutes of play could change your life?
I know I've said this 30 times, but I have to say it again. This woman's articles are priceless.
Check this out:
http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=204802&A=SearchResult&SearchID=2719308&ObjectID=204802&ObjectType=55
Check this out:
http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=204802&A=SearchResult&SearchID=2719308&ObjectID=204802&ObjectType=55
Monday, August 15, 2011
Article: The Old Parenting Paradigm
Great read on discipline and parenting:
http://www.teach-through-love.com/old-parenting-paradigm.html
"We need to commit to our children and to ourselves. Resolve to enjoy the journey and not focus solely on the demands of the outside world. We must promise to be present for our children and to give them our full attention and not our total frustration."
Easier said than done, I know. But it is doable! We don't need to strive to be perfect. We just need to keep trying and to say "I made a mistake; I am sorry." when we lose our cool.
http://www.teach-through-love.com/old-parenting-paradigm.html
"We need to commit to our children and to ourselves. Resolve to enjoy the journey and not focus solely on the demands of the outside world. We must promise to be present for our children and to give them our full attention and not our total frustration."
Easier said than done, I know. But it is doable! We don't need to strive to be perfect. We just need to keep trying and to say "I made a mistake; I am sorry." when we lose our cool.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
It's all about the cup holder!
We got Ari’s new carseat, the Graco Nautilus, installed the other day.
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3980774&prodFindSrc=search
Ari was looking forward to trying out her new carseat. But now she is saying it is uncomfortable. “My back and bum are not comfortable”!
I told her we would try it for a few more days and if it is still uncomfortable, we will get a different seat. I am thinking Britax Frontier:
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4400753
I am not happy about this. We’re talking another $100! But I need to make sure she is comfortable because her little bum will be on that seat until she is 57 inches tall!
Back to Ari’s feelings on this whole ordeal. I showed her a photo of the Britax Frontier. Her response: does it have a cup holder?
The kid has had a cup holder for all of about 72 hours and she already can’t live without it?! Silly child!
Here is to hoping that that little bum gets used to the new carseat!
By the way, have I mentioned lately that having a kid that can talk and verbalize how she feels about things is so incredibly awesome?!
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3980774&prodFindSrc=search
Ari was looking forward to trying out her new carseat. But now she is saying it is uncomfortable. “My back and bum are not comfortable”!
I told her we would try it for a few more days and if it is still uncomfortable, we will get a different seat. I am thinking Britax Frontier:
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4400753
I am not happy about this. We’re talking another $100! But I need to make sure she is comfortable because her little bum will be on that seat until she is 57 inches tall!
Back to Ari’s feelings on this whole ordeal. I showed her a photo of the Britax Frontier. Her response: does it have a cup holder?
The kid has had a cup holder for all of about 72 hours and she already can’t live without it?! Silly child!
Here is to hoping that that little bum gets used to the new carseat!
By the way, have I mentioned lately that having a kid that can talk and verbalize how she feels about things is so incredibly awesome?!
UV protecting clothes rock!
UV protecting clothes are clothes that protect you from UV rays. Duh! Why do I love them? Because it means we spend less time putting goopy stuff all over ourselves.
You will see that these stores carry ¾ and even long sleeve shirts. Don’t let that scare you off. It’s like wearing a swimsuit, but you don’t get a sunburn! No, you will not be hot or uncomfortable.
Here is my current go-to store:
http://www.uvskinz.com/catalog.aspx
I got a shirt and shorts for Ari and they are great. Excellent quality. Just got her outfit for next summer and a shirt and shorts for myself from the clearance section!
Yes, UV protecting clothes are pricy, but this is the case wherever you go. It is worth it to spend the money. Skin cancer sucks.
At UV Skinz, you can check out the clearance section, Deep End Discounts, and you may find what you are looking for. I just got Ari a shirt, shorts, and a sun hat for $29, for example. My shirt and shorts were $41. I could have spent that much on a swimsuit, but, this way, I won’t get a sunburn!
If you or your kids are in need of UV protecting clothes, check them out! Here is a code that will get you 20% off your order: EOS2011.
No, I am not getting paid to post about this or getting free clothes for my child! I just like to share anything I have found to be helpful.
You will see that these stores carry ¾ and even long sleeve shirts. Don’t let that scare you off. It’s like wearing a swimsuit, but you don’t get a sunburn! No, you will not be hot or uncomfortable.
Here is my current go-to store:
http://www.uvskinz.com/catalog.aspx
I got a shirt and shorts for Ari and they are great. Excellent quality. Just got her outfit for next summer and a shirt and shorts for myself from the clearance section!
Yes, UV protecting clothes are pricy, but this is the case wherever you go. It is worth it to spend the money. Skin cancer sucks.
At UV Skinz, you can check out the clearance section, Deep End Discounts, and you may find what you are looking for. I just got Ari a shirt, shorts, and a sun hat for $29, for example. My shirt and shorts were $41. I could have spent that much on a swimsuit, but, this way, I won’t get a sunburn!
If you or your kids are in need of UV protecting clothes, check them out! Here is a code that will get you 20% off your order: EOS2011.
No, I am not getting paid to post about this or getting free clothes for my child! I just like to share anything I have found to be helpful.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
A Bit of Carseat Knowledge
Today we had Ari's new carseat installed by a professional.
Here is what I learned today:
Most cars' latch systems support a child up to 48 pounds. Once your child reaches 48 pounds, reinstall the carseat using a seatbelt. Or use the seatbelt the first time around if that is your preference.
We opted to use the latch system for as long as we can because people accidentally undo the seatbelt. It happened so many times with our infant seat! Reinstalling a carseat using the seatbelt is so much more time-consuming than using the latches!
Here is what I learned today:
Most cars' latch systems support a child up to 48 pounds. Once your child reaches 48 pounds, reinstall the carseat using a seatbelt. Or use the seatbelt the first time around if that is your preference.
We opted to use the latch system for as long as we can because people accidentally undo the seatbelt. It happened so many times with our infant seat! Reinstalling a carseat using the seatbelt is so much more time-consuming than using the latches!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Our trip to Boston
Ari and I went on a little trip this weekend. She was very much looking forward to having a sleepover at her friend N’s place in Boston!
We took a bus to Boston yesterday. Crayons, paper, the Scribble and Write and DVD’s came with us, just in case. Turns out the crayons, paper, looking out the window and talking to mommy were enough!
I will take a minute here to share just how sweet and helpful my Amor Chiquito is. South Station in Boston, to me, is a bit of a maze and is quite dark. Given my very limited eyesight, it is hard for me to navigate. As soon as we got off the bus, Ari went to where the driver had piled up luggage and grabbed her car seat. She then started walking. I asked where she was going. “Walking to the door, mama.” Once we got inside I asked her if she saw any benches. She found us chairs. Once we were settled in, she went back to being her almost-4-year-old self, playing, spinning and all that fun stuff.
Traveling with Ari was more than a breeze. It was an opportunity to see the type of little person she is becoming. I am incredibly grateful for that silly and sweet child! The fact that she is, voluntarily, so helpful is very touching for me.
Back to our fun trip, we had a delicious lunch with my friend Yaminette and her not-so-little guy. Ari decided that she loves rice with mango curry sauce. How could you not?! It has been nice to see her try and like new, often spicy foods.
The kids got to play lots – trains, painting, the park, writing with chalk, you name it!
Today we went to the aquarium. Ari had not been before. She was very excited about seeing sharks and sea turtles! She told Daddy all about it on the ride home from the bus station, in fact.
She got to pick something at the store at the aquarium and she went for the pink octopus. I could have sworn she would go for the shark puppet given her many shark games, but she was all about the octopus today.
Thank you, Yaminette, for an awesome weekend! Ari is already wondering when we will have another sleepover. She was asking me five minutes after she got on the bus!
Oh, if you are wondering what went wrong I’d say that my personal, living alarm going off around 5:00 a.m. was it! "Mommy, I have energy. Look, it’s daytime!"
We took a bus to Boston yesterday. Crayons, paper, the Scribble and Write and DVD’s came with us, just in case. Turns out the crayons, paper, looking out the window and talking to mommy were enough!
I will take a minute here to share just how sweet and helpful my Amor Chiquito is. South Station in Boston, to me, is a bit of a maze and is quite dark. Given my very limited eyesight, it is hard for me to navigate. As soon as we got off the bus, Ari went to where the driver had piled up luggage and grabbed her car seat. She then started walking. I asked where she was going. “Walking to the door, mama.” Once we got inside I asked her if she saw any benches. She found us chairs. Once we were settled in, she went back to being her almost-4-year-old self, playing, spinning and all that fun stuff.
Traveling with Ari was more than a breeze. It was an opportunity to see the type of little person she is becoming. I am incredibly grateful for that silly and sweet child! The fact that she is, voluntarily, so helpful is very touching for me.
Back to our fun trip, we had a delicious lunch with my friend Yaminette and her not-so-little guy. Ari decided that she loves rice with mango curry sauce. How could you not?! It has been nice to see her try and like new, often spicy foods.
The kids got to play lots – trains, painting, the park, writing with chalk, you name it!
Today we went to the aquarium. Ari had not been before. She was very excited about seeing sharks and sea turtles! She told Daddy all about it on the ride home from the bus station, in fact.
She got to pick something at the store at the aquarium and she went for the pink octopus. I could have sworn she would go for the shark puppet given her many shark games, but she was all about the octopus today.
Thank you, Yaminette, for an awesome weekend! Ari is already wondering when we will have another sleepover. She was asking me five minutes after she got on the bus!
Oh, if you are wondering what went wrong I’d say that my personal, living alarm going off around 5:00 a.m. was it! "Mommy, I have energy. Look, it’s daytime!"
Friday, August 5, 2011
If your pitcher isn't full, there's no way you can fill your child's cup.
I know I have said it before and I'll say it again. This woman is amazing and very inspiring! Check out this article. It is not about parenting. It is about the importance of self care and how to squeeze it in.
http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=201607&A=SearchResult&SearchID=2608163&ObjectID=201607&ObjectType=55
http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=201607&A=SearchResult&SearchID=2608163&ObjectID=201607&ObjectType=55
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Graco Nautilus 3-in-1 it is!
After doing some research last night and this morning, I decided on the Graco Nautilus. Here are some of the reasons why:
It has the highest rating on Consumer Reports in the convertible/booster seat category.
Ari can use the harness system until she is 52 inches tall or 65 pounds. Then she can use it as a booster seat until she is 57 inches tall or 100 pounds. In other words, this is our last car seat for her!
It is super easy to buckle and unbuckle. It does not seem to get stuck like the Evenflo in Abuela’s car does.
Possible cons:
It looks like adjusting the shoulder straps may be a bit time-consuming.
It is bulky and on the heavy side (20 pounds).
I decided to go ahead and get it because we won’t need to adjust the straps often. Also, we have one kid, maybe two, at most, some day! Even if we have another child, we can accommodate two seats in the Corolla easily. No room for the grandmas, but that is ok!
I lucked out! I went to a store to look at a few car seats. It turns out they were giving out 20% off coupons! Yay!
It has the highest rating on Consumer Reports in the convertible/booster seat category.
Ari can use the harness system until she is 52 inches tall or 65 pounds. Then she can use it as a booster seat until she is 57 inches tall or 100 pounds. In other words, this is our last car seat for her!
It is super easy to buckle and unbuckle. It does not seem to get stuck like the Evenflo in Abuela’s car does.
Possible cons:
It looks like adjusting the shoulder straps may be a bit time-consuming.
It is bulky and on the heavy side (20 pounds).
I decided to go ahead and get it because we won’t need to adjust the straps often. Also, we have one kid, maybe two, at most, some day! Even if we have another child, we can accommodate two seats in the Corolla easily. No room for the grandmas, but that is ok!
I lucked out! I went to a store to look at a few car seats. It turns out they were giving out 20% off coupons! Yay!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Let's talk car seats!
Parents of older toddlers/preschoolers, what car seat is your child in? Or what car seat are you thinking of getting when your child outgrows the one s/he is in at the moment? Tell me about the pros and cons, please!
Ari is, and has been for the past three years, in the Britax Roundabout 40. We love all about it. It has excellent safety ratings. It is easy to buckle and unbuckle, which is not always the case. The Evenflo I got for Abuela’s car often gets stuck, for example. The seat is not bulky. We drive a Corolla, so these things matter a bit! Lastly, Ari finds her car seat comfortable. She never complains about it.
My one and only complaint about the Britax Roundabout is the price tag, but what are you going to do?! We have been using it for three years and putting her in and out of it every day is always a breeze. That is worth something!
Oh, one more thing I would change about the Britax Roundabout 40… It would be nice if I did not need to uninstall the seat to adjust the shoulder straps when Ari grows a few inches. We’re pretty picky about car seat installation around here, so every time the car seat is uninstalled, it is reinstalled by a professional. In other words, schedule an appointment, wait a few days, a half an hour drive, wait and watch for about another half an hour, etc., etc. Not complaining at all, by the way. I am beyond grateful that local hospitals and police departments do this free of charge.
All in all, I am very happy with my choice way back when she was about 11 months old.
Anyways, I noticed today that when she sits down her head is taller than the car seat. Time to look at the booklet attached to the car seat to see what the maximum height is. 40 inches. Want to guess what my child’s height is? Yup, 40 inches!
It turns out that the guidelines are that either the child is up to 40 inches tall or the top of the child’s ears cannot be taller than the seat. There is a bit of head sticking out, but not the ears! Yay!
Technically, I have a few months. But I opted to begin my research sooner rather than later. This way I do not make a rushed decision and I can take my time bargain hunting. Some of the seats with the best safety ratings are close to $300, so you better believe I will be bargain hunting!
So far, after about 20 minutes of research, I am looking at Britax and Sunshine seats. Don’t know which seats, specifically, yet.
Ari is, and has been for the past three years, in the Britax Roundabout 40. We love all about it. It has excellent safety ratings. It is easy to buckle and unbuckle, which is not always the case. The Evenflo I got for Abuela’s car often gets stuck, for example. The seat is not bulky. We drive a Corolla, so these things matter a bit! Lastly, Ari finds her car seat comfortable. She never complains about it.
My one and only complaint about the Britax Roundabout is the price tag, but what are you going to do?! We have been using it for three years and putting her in and out of it every day is always a breeze. That is worth something!
Oh, one more thing I would change about the Britax Roundabout 40… It would be nice if I did not need to uninstall the seat to adjust the shoulder straps when Ari grows a few inches. We’re pretty picky about car seat installation around here, so every time the car seat is uninstalled, it is reinstalled by a professional. In other words, schedule an appointment, wait a few days, a half an hour drive, wait and watch for about another half an hour, etc., etc. Not complaining at all, by the way. I am beyond grateful that local hospitals and police departments do this free of charge.
All in all, I am very happy with my choice way back when she was about 11 months old.
Anyways, I noticed today that when she sits down her head is taller than the car seat. Time to look at the booklet attached to the car seat to see what the maximum height is. 40 inches. Want to guess what my child’s height is? Yup, 40 inches!
It turns out that the guidelines are that either the child is up to 40 inches tall or the top of the child’s ears cannot be taller than the seat. There is a bit of head sticking out, but not the ears! Yay!
Technically, I have a few months. But I opted to begin my research sooner rather than later. This way I do not make a rushed decision and I can take my time bargain hunting. Some of the seats with the best safety ratings are close to $300, so you better believe I will be bargain hunting!
So far, after about 20 minutes of research, I am looking at Britax and Sunshine seats. Don’t know which seats, specifically, yet.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Article: Pre-empt Whining
Another awesome article from Dr. Laura Markham at ahaparenting.com:
http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/preschoolers/Life-Preschooler/pre-empt-whining
http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/preschoolers/Life-Preschooler/pre-empt-whining
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Whole Wheat Zucchini Bread Recipe
Good news: we have been getting zucchini from the farm the past three or four weeks. I have come up with a zucchini bread recipe that is healthy, yummy, and that everyone loves.
Bad news: so many people want zucchini bread! All the time! And I hate grating! Should I start charging for it?!
Here is my recipe:
Ingredients
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon baking powder
3 eggs
2 cups white sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
½ cup sour cream
1 cup olive oil
3 cups grated zucchini
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Sift together flour, salt, baking soda, cinnamon, baking powder.
Beat eggs. Add and mix well sugar, vanilla, sour cream and oil. Add zucchini to egg mixture. Add dry ingredients, mixing well.
Pour into 9” x 13” pan.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 1 hour.
Try it out and tell me what you think!
Bad news: so many people want zucchini bread! All the time! And I hate grating! Should I start charging for it?!
Here is my recipe:
Ingredients
2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon baking powder
3 eggs
2 cups white sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
½ cup sour cream
1 cup olive oil
3 cups grated zucchini
Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Sift together flour, salt, baking soda, cinnamon, baking powder.
Beat eggs. Add and mix well sugar, vanilla, sour cream and oil. Add zucchini to egg mixture. Add dry ingredients, mixing well.
Pour into 9” x 13” pan.
Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 1 hour.
Try it out and tell me what you think!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Some funny and sweet Ari remarks...
Just a few little moments I don’t want to forget…
The other day Ari and I were snuggling after a nap. By the way, naps are a big deal around here. She only naps once or twice a month these days. I don’t push it because if she naps she is up until 11 p.m. But it sure is nice to get a little break to nap or get some computer time in!
Back to the day she napped, Ari and I had the following conversation:
Me: Do you know what my favorite thing to do is?
Ari: What?
Me: Hugging you. I love hugging you!
Ari: I love my neighbors!
Me: Thinking to myself. Thanks! WTF! I know she loves the neighbors and that’s great, but…!
Now a sweet story. Ari really wanted to have oatmeal before bed. We usually do quick snacks, but I figured oatmeal is healthy, so why not? I made her oatmeal and I sat with her at the dining table. We try to eat together as often as possible and she is so used to it that she does not like to sit alone at the table.
Ari: I really love you sitting with me, mommy. I love it.
Very simple, but it made my day! I feel like we love our sweet and super silly child more and more every day! It really does get better and better, we feel like.
What sweet or funny remarks have your little ones made recently?
The other day Ari and I were snuggling after a nap. By the way, naps are a big deal around here. She only naps once or twice a month these days. I don’t push it because if she naps she is up until 11 p.m. But it sure is nice to get a little break to nap or get some computer time in!
Back to the day she napped, Ari and I had the following conversation:
Me: Do you know what my favorite thing to do is?
Ari: What?
Me: Hugging you. I love hugging you!
Ari: I love my neighbors!
Me: Thinking to myself. Thanks! WTF! I know she loves the neighbors and that’s great, but…!
Now a sweet story. Ari really wanted to have oatmeal before bed. We usually do quick snacks, but I figured oatmeal is healthy, so why not? I made her oatmeal and I sat with her at the dining table. We try to eat together as often as possible and she is so used to it that she does not like to sit alone at the table.
Ari: I really love you sitting with me, mommy. I love it.
Very simple, but it made my day! I feel like we love our sweet and super silly child more and more every day! It really does get better and better, we feel like.
What sweet or funny remarks have your little ones made recently?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Our Latest Sleep Arrangements
I was working on a lengthy post about our latest sleep-related transition. But it’s just not happening! Here is the short version!
Last week Abuela came over with homemade curtains for Ari’s window. She talked to Ari about sleeping in her bedroom. Ari seemed interested. I was not the least bit convinced! That being said…
For a week now, Ari has been starting out in her bedroom every night. She has been happy about it. There was not one tear or power struggle.
She created her own new night ritual. Her new night ritual includes some cuddles, two stories and me rubbing her back. Notice: it does not include boobs!
So, my next point! Yes, it is true! Child led weaning really does happen! We are down to only one feeding per day. It is a super quick feeding first thing in the morning. Basically, it is part of our morning cuddle time. I am surprised by this. I was positive that the just before bed feeding would be the last one to go. Furthermore, I anticipated it would take a long time or that it would be really hard on her if I pushed it.
Back to sleep arrangements, Ari spends about five hours in her bedroom before I hear “mama” or “mooooommy”! At that point, I should probably walk her back to her bed and wait until she falls asleep. Instead, we usually snuggle on the twin size mattress and end up cosleeping for the rest of the night.
Her starting out in her bedroom and us finishing the night cosleeping on a twin size mattress in her bedroom feels like the best of both worlds. She can sleep by herself. Us grownups get alone time in our bedroom. I still get to cuddle with my baby girl! There is nothing like falling asleep with her leg on my tummy! Lastly, I can either deal with multiple wakings after three a.m. or I can embrace it and enjoy the time snuggling with her.
Why does she get up in the middle of the night and call for me, you ask? She said that she gets afraid. We explained that she is safe, that mom and dad are always here, that she can call and one of us will always come.
She need not be afraid. However, I cannot control that. What I do have control over is how I react to it and how I help her conquer her fears. As far as I am concerned, meeting the emotional needs of that precious child life blessed me with is my #1 job.
Moral of the story: see, different things work for different people at different times! Go with your gut and do whatever works best for you and your children.
Last week Abuela came over with homemade curtains for Ari’s window. She talked to Ari about sleeping in her bedroom. Ari seemed interested. I was not the least bit convinced! That being said…
For a week now, Ari has been starting out in her bedroom every night. She has been happy about it. There was not one tear or power struggle.
She created her own new night ritual. Her new night ritual includes some cuddles, two stories and me rubbing her back. Notice: it does not include boobs!
So, my next point! Yes, it is true! Child led weaning really does happen! We are down to only one feeding per day. It is a super quick feeding first thing in the morning. Basically, it is part of our morning cuddle time. I am surprised by this. I was positive that the just before bed feeding would be the last one to go. Furthermore, I anticipated it would take a long time or that it would be really hard on her if I pushed it.
Back to sleep arrangements, Ari spends about five hours in her bedroom before I hear “mama” or “mooooommy”! At that point, I should probably walk her back to her bed and wait until she falls asleep. Instead, we usually snuggle on the twin size mattress and end up cosleeping for the rest of the night.
Her starting out in her bedroom and us finishing the night cosleeping on a twin size mattress in her bedroom feels like the best of both worlds. She can sleep by herself. Us grownups get alone time in our bedroom. I still get to cuddle with my baby girl! There is nothing like falling asleep with her leg on my tummy! Lastly, I can either deal with multiple wakings after three a.m. or I can embrace it and enjoy the time snuggling with her.
Why does she get up in the middle of the night and call for me, you ask? She said that she gets afraid. We explained that she is safe, that mom and dad are always here, that she can call and one of us will always come.
She need not be afraid. However, I cannot control that. What I do have control over is how I react to it and how I help her conquer her fears. As far as I am concerned, meeting the emotional needs of that precious child life blessed me with is my #1 job.
Moral of the story: see, different things work for different people at different times! Go with your gut and do whatever works best for you and your children.
12 Ways to Help Your Child Build Self-Confidence
Definitely worth reading!
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/12-ways-help-your-child-build-self-confidence
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/12-ways-help-your-child-build-self-confidence
Friday, July 1, 2011
Article: 10 Alternatives to "Consequences" and Punishment
Another wonderful article from AhaParenting.com. I have to say her writing has been validating, wonderful and life changing for me. I almost don't dare say it, but parenting really is a pleasant part of life 95% of the time for me. I am aware that, in part, I am lucky because Ari is very laid back and easy going. That being said, there is wonderful stuff in this article, so please check it out!
10 Alternatives to "Consequences" and Punishment
by Dr. Laura from AhaParenting.com
"Just throw the word "consequence" entirely out of your vocabulary and replace it with the term "problem-solving." -- Becky Eanes
"My 3.5yr old was sitting on the couch after bath wearing her towel and said NO about 5x to get in her pj's. I was busy w/ the baby and I heard my husband say "OK fine - no books then" and this quote popped into my head and I said "Hey! We've got a problem - it's bedtime and you need to be in your PJ's - How do YOU think we should solve it?" And just like that - she got a big grin her face, suggested we all clap our hands and march our feet and we formed a line right into her room - happily! Same thing for teeth brushing and potty later! Each time I said "Hey, great problem solving skills! Thank you!" And her response? "You're welcome mama - no problem!" - Carrie
Most parenting experts suggest that when children "misbehave" the best response is "consequences." Parents are told that letting children experience the consequences of their poor choices will teach them lessons. Makes sense, right?
Well, no.
I love actual consequences as a teacher. We all have to learn that if we don't remember our lunch, we'll go hungry.
But when most parents use consequences for discipline, they aren't the natural result of the child’s actions (“I forgot my lunch today so I was hungry”). Instead, they have become for children the threats they hear through their parents’ clenched teeth: “If I have to stop this car and come back there, there will be CONSEQUENCES!!”
In other words, Consequences mean Punishment. Whether you're threatening the loss of a privilege or a timeout, that is punishment. And punishment has been proven repeatedly to backfire in child-raising. Quite simply, punishment is not effective parenting, and it sabotages your child's development.
Worried about what you'll do without the threat of Consequences to keep your child cooperating? Next time your child refuses your guidance and you find yourself about to blurt out a threat, try one of these responses instead.
1. Let your child solve it. "You haven't brushed your teeth yet and I want to be sure we have time for a story. What can we do?" Like Carrie's child, it's amazing how children step into responsibility when we offer it. They love to help, and to solve puzzles. Sometimes they just need a little respect.
2. Partner for Win/win solutions. If your child doesn't offer a solution that works for you, explain why and help her come up with one. "You think you should just skip brushing teeth tonight? Hmm...that doesn't work for me because your poor teeth would stay germy and they could get little holes in them. What else could we do to get your teeth brushed and time for a story? Want to put your pjs on, and then brush?" Once your child believes that you're serious about win/win solutions, she's much more likely to work with you to find a solution that works for everyone.
3. Invite cooperation with your phrasing. Consider the difference in these approaches:
"Go brush your teeth now." - Since no one likes to be told what to do, a direct order like this often invites resistance, either directly or in the form of stalling.
"Can you go brush your teeth now?" - Many kids will reflect on this and just say No. Don't phrase your request in the form of a yes or no question unless you're willing to accept No for an answer.
"Do you want to brush your teeth now, or after you put your PJs on?" - This strategy works because you’re extending your child the respect of giving him some control, at the same time that you retain the responsibility of making the decisions you need to as his parent. Only offer options you can live with, of course.
"You may brush your teeth now." - Almost sounds like a privilege, doesn't it? This is a command, but a respectful one. Works especially well with kids who are over-stimulated by bedtime and overwhelmed by choices.
4. Ask for a Do-over. "Oops. I told you to brush your teeth and you ignored me and then I started to yell. I'm sorry. Let's try a do-over." This is a great way to interrupt things when you're headed down a bad road. Get down on your child's level and make a warm connection. Look in her eyes. Touch her. "Ok, let's try this again, Sweetie. It's teeth brushing time! How can we work as a team here to get your teeth brushed?"
5. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Think about what usually triggers problems for your child and take pre-emptive action.
Give ample warning before transitions
Always leave extra time to get anything done.
Sidestep power struggles and give her as much control over her life as possible so she doesn't need to rebel.
6. When your child defies you, focus on the relationship, rather than on discipline. A good relationship is your foundation; guidance doesn't work without it because your child stops caring about pleasing you. A child who is rude is either very upset, or expressing her need for a better relationship with you. In either case, "consequences" will make the situation worse. I'm not suggesting you put up with rudeness, just that you see it as a red flag to do some repair work on the relationship.
7. Make sure your expectations are age-appropriate.
A one year old needs a baby-proofed house, not to learn by consequences how to leave the DVD player alone.
A four year old needs your help to get through the bedtime routine, not to lose reading time with you when he gets distracted and dawdles.
A ten year old needs your help to make the homework routine into a habit that works for him, not to lose his TV privileges. (Although letting kids watch TV during the week will almost certainly lower their grades. But that's a lifestyle choice, not a punishment.)
8. Get to the root of the problem. Sometimes when kids defy us, they are asking for help with their emotions. You'll know this is happening when your child seems unhappy and is making you unhappy; when whatever you try just doesn't work. At those times, your child is showing you that he has some big feelings he needs to express, and he needs your help. He may be angry, or afraid, or sad. He may need to rage, or shake, or cry. So if you set a limit and your child defies you, forget about punishment and consequences. This is a red flag that he needs your help. Move in close, restate your limit, and let him have his meltdown. (For more info on how to do help your child with his feelings, click here.) After your child gets a chance to dissovle that hard knot of unhappy emotion, you'll find him completely cooperative.
9. Engage the brain. When humans are upset, our brains don't work as well because "fight or flight" takes over and thinking stops. Start by taking a deep breath and calming your own emotions. Then connect warmly with your child to restore her ability to think. Finally, invite her brain to engage by helping her understand what's happening:
"You are so upset. You were having so much fun playing with Daddy. Then he told you to go brush your teeth. You were mad, right? ...... Then Daddy said No story tonight. Right? .... Now you are sad and mad.... I am right here. I love you. Daddy loves you. Daddy was upset, too, but now he is here to hug you. ... Let's find a way that we can all have a good evening and feel good when we tuck you in to bed. Maybe we all need a Do-Over?"
This builds emotional intelligence in your child--and in your partner. And even if it doesn't get you all on the same page, at least it gets you into the same book!
10. Use natural consequences. I'm not suggesting that you move heaven and earth to protect your child from the natural outcome of his choices. We all need to learn lessons, and if your child can do so without too much damage to his self-image, life is a great teacher. But you'll want to make sure these are actually "natural" consequences that your child doesn't perceive as punishment so they don't trigger all the negative effects of punishment. What's more, you'll want to be sure that your child is convinced that you aren't orchestrating the consequence and are firmly on his side, so you don't undermine your relationship with him. Consider the difference in these approaches:
"Of course I will bring your lunch to the school, Sweetie. I don't want you to be hungry. But try to remember it tomorrow. " - Child may or may not remember his lunch tomorrow. There is no harm in doing this once or even twice, if you can do it easily. We all have forgotten things like lunches, and it is not a sign that your child will be irresponsible for life. But it is a signal that you need to help your child with self-organization strategies so he learns to remember.
"I'm certainly not going to drop everything to bring you your lunch. I hope this will teach you a lesson." - Child will probably learn to remember his lunch. BUT he concludes that parent doesn't care about him, and becomes less cooperative at home.
"Ok, I will bring your lunch but this is absolutely the last time. You would forget your head if it weren't glued on and don't expect me to always drop everything to bail you out." - Child does not learn to remember lunch but does learn that he is a forgetful person who irritates his parent. In the future, he acts in accordance with this expectation.
"I'm so sorry you forgot your lunch, Sweetie, but I just can't bring it to you. I hope you won't starve and I will have a snack waiting when you get home." - Child learns to remember lunch AND feels cared about AND self image stays intact.
Retraining yourself can be tough. But as Becky says, just throw the word "consequences" out of your vocabulary and replace it with "problem-solving." You'll be amazed at the miracles you can make.
10 Alternatives to "Consequences" and Punishment
by Dr. Laura from AhaParenting.com
"Just throw the word "consequence" entirely out of your vocabulary and replace it with the term "problem-solving." -- Becky Eanes
"My 3.5yr old was sitting on the couch after bath wearing her towel and said NO about 5x to get in her pj's. I was busy w/ the baby and I heard my husband say "OK fine - no books then" and this quote popped into my head and I said "Hey! We've got a problem - it's bedtime and you need to be in your PJ's - How do YOU think we should solve it?" And just like that - she got a big grin her face, suggested we all clap our hands and march our feet and we formed a line right into her room - happily! Same thing for teeth brushing and potty later! Each time I said "Hey, great problem solving skills! Thank you!" And her response? "You're welcome mama - no problem!" - Carrie
Most parenting experts suggest that when children "misbehave" the best response is "consequences." Parents are told that letting children experience the consequences of their poor choices will teach them lessons. Makes sense, right?
Well, no.
I love actual consequences as a teacher. We all have to learn that if we don't remember our lunch, we'll go hungry.
But when most parents use consequences for discipline, they aren't the natural result of the child’s actions (“I forgot my lunch today so I was hungry”). Instead, they have become for children the threats they hear through their parents’ clenched teeth: “If I have to stop this car and come back there, there will be CONSEQUENCES!!”
In other words, Consequences mean Punishment. Whether you're threatening the loss of a privilege or a timeout, that is punishment. And punishment has been proven repeatedly to backfire in child-raising. Quite simply, punishment is not effective parenting, and it sabotages your child's development.
Worried about what you'll do without the threat of Consequences to keep your child cooperating? Next time your child refuses your guidance and you find yourself about to blurt out a threat, try one of these responses instead.
1. Let your child solve it. "You haven't brushed your teeth yet and I want to be sure we have time for a story. What can we do?" Like Carrie's child, it's amazing how children step into responsibility when we offer it. They love to help, and to solve puzzles. Sometimes they just need a little respect.
2. Partner for Win/win solutions. If your child doesn't offer a solution that works for you, explain why and help her come up with one. "You think you should just skip brushing teeth tonight? Hmm...that doesn't work for me because your poor teeth would stay germy and they could get little holes in them. What else could we do to get your teeth brushed and time for a story? Want to put your pjs on, and then brush?" Once your child believes that you're serious about win/win solutions, she's much more likely to work with you to find a solution that works for everyone.
3. Invite cooperation with your phrasing. Consider the difference in these approaches:
"Go brush your teeth now." - Since no one likes to be told what to do, a direct order like this often invites resistance, either directly or in the form of stalling.
"Can you go brush your teeth now?" - Many kids will reflect on this and just say No. Don't phrase your request in the form of a yes or no question unless you're willing to accept No for an answer.
"Do you want to brush your teeth now, or after you put your PJs on?" - This strategy works because you’re extending your child the respect of giving him some control, at the same time that you retain the responsibility of making the decisions you need to as his parent. Only offer options you can live with, of course.
"You may brush your teeth now." - Almost sounds like a privilege, doesn't it? This is a command, but a respectful one. Works especially well with kids who are over-stimulated by bedtime and overwhelmed by choices.
4. Ask for a Do-over. "Oops. I told you to brush your teeth and you ignored me and then I started to yell. I'm sorry. Let's try a do-over." This is a great way to interrupt things when you're headed down a bad road. Get down on your child's level and make a warm connection. Look in her eyes. Touch her. "Ok, let's try this again, Sweetie. It's teeth brushing time! How can we work as a team here to get your teeth brushed?"
5. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
Think about what usually triggers problems for your child and take pre-emptive action.
Give ample warning before transitions
Always leave extra time to get anything done.
Sidestep power struggles and give her as much control over her life as possible so she doesn't need to rebel.
6. When your child defies you, focus on the relationship, rather than on discipline. A good relationship is your foundation; guidance doesn't work without it because your child stops caring about pleasing you. A child who is rude is either very upset, or expressing her need for a better relationship with you. In either case, "consequences" will make the situation worse. I'm not suggesting you put up with rudeness, just that you see it as a red flag to do some repair work on the relationship.
7. Make sure your expectations are age-appropriate.
A one year old needs a baby-proofed house, not to learn by consequences how to leave the DVD player alone.
A four year old needs your help to get through the bedtime routine, not to lose reading time with you when he gets distracted and dawdles.
A ten year old needs your help to make the homework routine into a habit that works for him, not to lose his TV privileges. (Although letting kids watch TV during the week will almost certainly lower their grades. But that's a lifestyle choice, not a punishment.)
8. Get to the root of the problem. Sometimes when kids defy us, they are asking for help with their emotions. You'll know this is happening when your child seems unhappy and is making you unhappy; when whatever you try just doesn't work. At those times, your child is showing you that he has some big feelings he needs to express, and he needs your help. He may be angry, or afraid, or sad. He may need to rage, or shake, or cry. So if you set a limit and your child defies you, forget about punishment and consequences. This is a red flag that he needs your help. Move in close, restate your limit, and let him have his meltdown. (For more info on how to do help your child with his feelings, click here.) After your child gets a chance to dissovle that hard knot of unhappy emotion, you'll find him completely cooperative.
9. Engage the brain. When humans are upset, our brains don't work as well because "fight or flight" takes over and thinking stops. Start by taking a deep breath and calming your own emotions. Then connect warmly with your child to restore her ability to think. Finally, invite her brain to engage by helping her understand what's happening:
"You are so upset. You were having so much fun playing with Daddy. Then he told you to go brush your teeth. You were mad, right? ...... Then Daddy said No story tonight. Right? .... Now you are sad and mad.... I am right here. I love you. Daddy loves you. Daddy was upset, too, but now he is here to hug you. ... Let's find a way that we can all have a good evening and feel good when we tuck you in to bed. Maybe we all need a Do-Over?"
This builds emotional intelligence in your child--and in your partner. And even if it doesn't get you all on the same page, at least it gets you into the same book!
10. Use natural consequences. I'm not suggesting that you move heaven and earth to protect your child from the natural outcome of his choices. We all need to learn lessons, and if your child can do so without too much damage to his self-image, life is a great teacher. But you'll want to make sure these are actually "natural" consequences that your child doesn't perceive as punishment so they don't trigger all the negative effects of punishment. What's more, you'll want to be sure that your child is convinced that you aren't orchestrating the consequence and are firmly on his side, so you don't undermine your relationship with him. Consider the difference in these approaches:
"Of course I will bring your lunch to the school, Sweetie. I don't want you to be hungry. But try to remember it tomorrow. " - Child may or may not remember his lunch tomorrow. There is no harm in doing this once or even twice, if you can do it easily. We all have forgotten things like lunches, and it is not a sign that your child will be irresponsible for life. But it is a signal that you need to help your child with self-organization strategies so he learns to remember.
"I'm certainly not going to drop everything to bring you your lunch. I hope this will teach you a lesson." - Child will probably learn to remember his lunch. BUT he concludes that parent doesn't care about him, and becomes less cooperative at home.
"Ok, I will bring your lunch but this is absolutely the last time. You would forget your head if it weren't glued on and don't expect me to always drop everything to bail you out." - Child does not learn to remember lunch but does learn that he is a forgetful person who irritates his parent. In the future, he acts in accordance with this expectation.
"I'm so sorry you forgot your lunch, Sweetie, but I just can't bring it to you. I hope you won't starve and I will have a snack waiting when you get home." - Child learns to remember lunch AND feels cared about AND self image stays intact.
Retraining yourself can be tough. But as Becky says, just throw the word "consequences" out of your vocabulary and replace it with "problem-solving." You'll be amazed at the miracles you can make.
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