Article: How to Take Care of Yourself Emotionally While Raising Your Child

Last one for today!
http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/Take_care_of_yourself_emotionally/

Article: Self Care: When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons

I know I've said it so many times, but I have to say it again. Laura at ahaparenting.com writes such wonderful, inspirational parenting articles.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=217747&A=SearchResult&SearchID=3448171&ObjectID=217747&ObjectType=55

Getting crunchier: homemade deodorant

I decided to try it about two months ago. I haven't gone back! I don't think I will go back.

Super simple. Super easy to make. Super cheap. No wondering about the ingredients and what they may do to my body.

There are tons of recipes. This first time I opted to go with the simplest one. Corn starch and baking soda, a one-to-one ratio. Mix. Grab some with your finger tips and apply. That's all there is to it!

Corn starch dries. Baking soda removes odors.

It really does work!

The only con I can think of is that it can be messy because it is a powder. So I do it over the bathroom sink. Problem solved.

I spent a quarter, maybe. I've been using it for about two months and there is enough for another month easy.

Come on, take the plunge! You know you want to!

Article: Inflammatory Breast Cancer

Please read this one. No lumps. Very aggressive cancer. Please read and remember the signs.

http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/2007/07/23/inflammatory-breast-cancer/

The author passed away yesterday:
http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/goodbye/

I didn't know her. Didn't know her blog until yesterday. But I can't stop the tears. I keep thinking about her little boys, one of them born in 2007, just like my Ari. I keep thinking about her husband. I keep thinking about what she must have gone through, knowing that her time with her family was so limitted.

One of Ari's teachers was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. This horrible disease... It is everywhere. It shows up, out of the blue, and takes over people's lives.

The teacher at Ari's school is receiving lots of drawings from the little ones, cards from the parents, support from the staff. A few of us moms from her classroom are now collecting gift cards so that she can get whatever she needs.

It is beautiful to see all the love, all the families trying to help. But it is so sad. So many thoughts. So many questions. How is she doing? How is it looking, i.e., what stage? Will she come back? I so hope she can. I so wish we could do so much more than send her gift cards.

Pardon my French, but cancer is an asshole and I so wish we were a lot closer to finding cures. I wish people were doing more than talking about the color of their bra. I wish more people knew that some nutrients apparently do manage to help shrink tumors. If it is true that some nutrients are so effective, I wish oncologists were combining chemo and alternative medicine more often.

There is wishing and there is doing. What you can do:

Give blood.

Give platelets.

Donate your hair.

Donate money to a cancer research group.

Donate your time at an oncology unit.

Article: Making the Switch to Reusable Menstrual Products

Guys, you may want to skip this one!

Ladies, here is a very thorough article on reusable menstrual products.

http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/reusable-menstrual-products/

I haven't tried many of the options she lists. Definitely not doing the free bleeding thing, thanks! I may or may not try cloth pads. I keep going back and forth about it. Basically, I've felt funny about it and have wondered how messy the process is. But I did cloth diapers for years, so what is the big deal?! I guess it comes down to this: I'm ok with tiny amounts of baby poop being in my washer but not ok with my own blood being in there. See how ridiculous that sounds?! But I'm certain I'm not the only one who feels this way!

I have some experience with the Diva Cup. It works very well for me in that it really does catch everything if you insert it properly. I have a hard time inserting it and removing it occasionally. There have been times when it just doesn't feel comfortable. Sometimes it hurts while I am pulling it out. My guess is that I need more practice. If I could see the diagrams/pictures it would probably be easier.

Overall, I like many aspects of it. But I grow impatient when I have cramps from hell and it takes a couple tries before I feel comfortable. That being said, I'll keep trying because I like the idea of using something reusable.

On Being Aware of Being an Only Child

Just earlier today I emailed a friend one of our typical updates. In the email I mentioned that we've hit the one year mark. We've now been trying to get pregnant for a year, that is. Now, if you've been reading my blog, you know there has been serious ambivalence from time to time. We've had many conversations and we've decided to keep trying. The great thing is that I am feeling ok about it. I tend to get anxious about things. So I welcome this very positive change.

All that being said, I just had a moment, one of those moments where, just for a minute, you feel sad and you wish you could get away from your kid and have a little cry.

"Mommy, their house is funner than ours. There are three kids. There are kids I can play with. Here there is only one kid."

I don't think Ari is thinking about having a sibling all the time. As a matter of fact, this is the first time ever she has made a comment about being an only child. Maybe it was just her way of trying to talk me into letting her go next door for some playtime with the three kids over there. Or, perhaps, she is finally aware of it and she has an opinion. My guess is that it was a random comment.

Part of me believes in being honest and talking about things, that, perhaps, we should talk about being a family of three and how that may or may not change. Part of me rathers not mention it because, frankly, what is the point? What am I going to tell her? Mommy would like to have another baby. How about you? Oh, by the way, we're trying and it's just not happening. You came to us easily and, this time, I just don't know what is going on.

Thus far, I've decided that if she brings it up, I am more than happy to talk about it, but I'm not going to bring it up myself. I just don't see the point right now.

Since I brought up the topic, I'll share a quick update. Right now, we have no idea what is going on. I have wondered if it has anything to do with me being overweight. The GYN doesn't think so. We can do some blood work and go from there. Daddy just got a new job. I'm thinking we'll wait for our new health insurance to kick in and then I'll do the blood work. If we did it now we'd be paying out of pocket for all the tests. No, thank you. I'll keep working on getting me at a healthier weight. We'll test in a month or two. And, we'll go from there.

I still think about adoption, but we don't have the resources to do a private domestic or international adoption. I have some reservations about adopting through DCF.

There you have it. That is where we are. Now, off to snuggle with my sweet baby, or not baby, girl!

Questions for Potential Babysitter

We have been lucky thus far. Grandma has always been our babysitter. But it's time. I have posted on the local college job website. I got the first email from a potential sitter this morning.

So, what the heck do I ask someone who I don't know but who may be spending a few hours with my child a few times a month?

And, how do I put my mommy anxiety on the side and keep moving forward with this? We've done this before, in a sense. Ari spends six hours a day with three teachers who were once strangers. But, somehow, that feels different. This one person will be in our home, alone with my child. Call it ridiculous, but it makes me feel a bit nervous.

Moving on… What would you ask this person? Help me out, please!

Christmas 2011

Where to start? Basically, we had a simple, enjoyable Christmas. I kept reminding myself that what matters is spending time with family. Presents and attempting to create the picture perfect holiday can be a lot of fun but can also be incredibly stressful. When I am stressed out, frankly, it’s easy to become the bitchy wife/mama. So, for us, simple is better. Here are the highlights, in no particular order:

Grandma and I put up a 4’ Christmas tree for Ari. She has really looked forward to it the past two years.

Ari helped me with gift wrapping. In other words, I did all the cutting and wrapping and she was in charge of the tape and of placing wrapped presents under the tree. It took quite a while. I’m slow at these things, poor eye sight and all, and adding a cute little one to the process made it take even longer. But it was nice quality time and it was a lot easier than last year. This time I can sincerely say she was helpful.

I decided to try something different this year and went for silly when it came time to give our relatives presents. Examples: my sister got a mango in a tiny gift bag. My mother’s boyfriend, who is always grabbing my fruit, got a fruit basket wrapped in snowmen wrapping paper!

We had dinner with my family on Christmas Eve. The kids got to open presents. Many photos were taken. I was picked on incessantly for my new haircut. We’re long hair people and so me having chin-length hair is just weird for the girls in my family. I told them to go give theirs to Wigs for Kids too and to shut the hell up, because, really, it was getting old!

My mother gave Ari a cardboard castle, among other things, which Ari absolutely loves. She now eats and will even watch TV from her castle. Silly kid! She is enjoying painting her castle. I am wondering how long the castle will be around for!

On Christmas day, we drove down to see my in-laws. Ari got to exchange presents with her grandparents, and, most fun of all, she got to decorate ginger bread cookies with Nana.

Another highlight for Ari was staying at a hotel. We stayed at a hotel with an indoor swimming pool this time. Nana joined us for a morning swim on the 26th. Nana and Ari had a blast and daddy and I enjoy a pool every now and then. It’s relaxing.

Hotel funny: as we walk in, Ari is incredibly tired, resting her head on Daddy’s shoulder. Once we walk into the room, suddenly, she is wide awake, super excited, jumping from bed to bed for a good half an hour. The area between the two beds was the muddy mud pit, she reported. Silly child!

We got to see Daddy’s 82-year-old grandma on the 26th. She made his favorite Italian cookies, some Sinnamon thingies. No idea what they’re called. She also made a bunch other different types of cookies and Ari was in heaven. As if that wasn’t enough, Ari was sent home with another dozen cookies! Sadly, Ari is down to one cookie per day. Mean mom and dad!

Here are links to what we got Ari for Christmas.

Magna-tyles:
http://www.amazon.com/Magna-Tiles-48-Piece-Set/dp/B000JKRU5Y

The cool thing about magna-tyles is that the three of us love them! I’m talking we never get bored when she wants to build with us! Talk about an ideal present!

The GreenStart Under the Sea floor puzzle:
http://www.kangarooboo.com/product/details/2485-Innovative-Kids-Green-Start-Giant-Floor-Puzzle-Under-the-Sea

And the Green Start Number Hunt floor puzzle:
http://www.kangarooboo.com/product/details/2920-Innovative-Kids-Green-Start-Giant-Floor-Puzzle-Number-Hunt

Oh and then there is that tiny, cheap present that, originally, was Daddy’s, but we all know it’s Ari’s and Daddy’s now: the iPad II. Actually, we’re calling it a family present. I don’t use it, but it buys me some time when I need it most. Ari plays educational games on it, watches Netflix, takes pictures of whatever she builds with the Magna-tyles, and she Skypes with Nana. We’re finding that the iPad is a great thing to have when we’re traveling or when we’re incredibly exhausted but she isn’t. And Daddy gets to do all sorts of grownup stuff on it, of course.

I hope your holidays were enjoyable and as low stress as possible!

All about healthy carbs!

We're big fans of carbs over here! We love white flour, breads, cakes, pasta, you name it. But I am aware that less is better and that whole grains are the way to go, of course. So, here I am, trying new grains on all of us, seeing what we like, what our sometimes picky taste buds tolerate!

Here is what I have tried during the past few months:

We (as in Ari and I) have been eating whole wheat pasta for a long time now.

Ari and Daddy don't care for brown rice, so I don't make it often.

whole wheat and coconut flour buttermilk pancakes

oatmeal chocolate chip muffins (oats and whole wheat flour)

waffles (half of the flour whole wheat and half white flour)

zucchini bread (2/3 whole wheat flour, 1/3 white flour)

carrot cake (half whole wheat flour, half white flour)

chocolate cake (quinoa, no flour whatsoever)

What I've learned thus far:
We don't care for the taste of whole wheat flour. So I add extra vanilla/sugar to make it tolerable.

I am experimenting with coconut flour, but that is a whole other learning process. You can't use too much of it in a recipe. It absorbs a lot of fluid. You must add additional fluids. Let's just say that you can ruin a recipe very easily!

This has and continues to be quite the learning process. But I keep on trying because it is totally worth it. Next? Will probably try almond flour. Will continue to research/try different whole grain flours in the hopes that we can stay away from the yucky whole wheat flour taste! If you have any tips, please feel free to share!

Dentist Appointments and Dental X-rays

I debated when the right timing for the first dentist appointment would be. I waited until it seemed like Ari would feel comfortable. So many people get incredibly anxious about seeing a dentist. I figured let's try to have positive experiences so that when she is a grownup, hopefully, she will feel at ease and will take care of her health. We brush, floss, etc. and her teeth seemed fine, so I opted not to rush it.

Ari's first appointment was in June. At that appointment, she learned about brushing properly and she learned about some of the tools dentists use. The hygienist and the dentist took a peak at her teeth. She got to pick a toy at the end. That was it.

Six months later, last week, was Ari's first official dentist appointment. Her teeth were cleaned, polished, flossed, etc. The dentist did the 3-minute exam. Crunchy Mama, i.e., me, turned down the x-ray.

My after thoughts:

Ari was very comfortable throughout the entire appointment both times. She was very excited to go to the dentist, particularly the second time, as a matter of fact.

I'll insert a funny here. Daddy had to wake Ari up so we would get to the appointment ontime. It was a slow process. Once he reminded her about the dentist, she got up instantly and talked about how she would be getting a new tooth brush. Whatever works, kid! You'd think we never buy her new tooth brushes!

Back to timing, I like to think that us preparing her for it, talking about it in a casual manner the day before was helpful. Also, there is a DVD where Elmo goes to his pediatrician that Ari loves to watch every now and then. I remember the first time she watched it. It made her remember her ear infection last March. It raised some questions about her upcoming (at the time) 4-year-old checkup and vaccines. All in all, Elmo's trip to the pediatrician was a very positive addition to our family!

Going back to the dentist appointments, I think the way the first appointment was run, with very low expectations, was very crafty. I think the appointments ought to be closer together, as opposed to the six months they recommended. Little kids remember a lot of things. But, Ari didn't remember too much about it. If I was to do it again, I may request that the appointments are only a month apart or so.

My last thought has to do with x-rays. The dentist and the hygienist recommended an x-ray. It felt like the dentist was pushing it a fair bit. I asked about their reasoning for it. Their response was that the x-ray would let them see how her adult teeth are developing, if they're all there, etc. My thought: ok, then what? What are the odds that a tooth is not developing well or that a tooth is missing? Why expose my child? If a tooth was, indeed, not developing properly or missing, what could we or would we do about it now? I didn't get a convincing answer, so I said we would discuss it again next June.

What do you think? Have you been offered this x-ray for your children? Have you learned anything about these x-rays that made you think you really ought to consent to doing them? Any websites or articles you would like to share? I will be researching this, but, seeing as how the appointment is not until June, it's just not high priority right now. Ari is home and so computer time is limitted until next week!

Ari Funnies

Seeing as how today is Thanksgiving, I'll start with that story. Monday morning Ari told me, for the first time this school year, that she did not want to go to school. I told her that this would be a very short week because of Thanksgiving. I explained what Thanksgiving and I told her that I am thankful for my family, our home, etc., etc. Her response: I am very thankful for my mommy! And I am very thankful for my mommy's boobies! I guess that is what happens when you do extended breastfeeding and/or child-led weaning! Don't worry; she knows these conversations only happen at home!

I am a fan of eating with my fingers. And I am not afraid to admit it! Same goes for my child! Daddy, on the other hand, often tells us that we are barbarians! The other day Ari was having pancakes for breakfast. Suddenly, she informed her dad that "I'm going to be a barbarian now because it's easier!" I was so proud! And Daddy rolled his eyes, I'm sure!

Lastly, we have a hair stylist and a trend-setter in the family! Arianna gave herself a haircut the other day. I will admit that I was quite mythed at the time. She has long, gorgeous hair and I love combing it every morning! But, whatever. Most children do this, even kids with very short hair. Those with short hair will find someone with long hair and help her/him do it! That is what my brother and sister did, anyways!

I need to take pictures and share them! She now has multiple lengths near her left ear!

What mischievous thing has your child done recently?

Work Share

Last Thursday was Work Share day for Ari's classroom. I got to spend the first half hour of the school day with her. Unfortunately, Daddy got to stay in the car to avoid sharing germs. The germs most likely came from the classroom, but never you mind that.

We got to work on two different activities. The first activity was described to me as "pressure cylinders." We worked on it on one of the typical Montessori floor rugs. There were about ten wooden cylinders, each one with a knob on it. She pushed down on each knob, would analyze and remember what type of pressure she sensed and would find the matching cylinder.

The second activity turned out to be many activities lumped into one. Ari got a small sheet of paper, a color pencil and a triangle inset. She used the inset to trace a perfect triangle. She then returned the inset and came back with the "push pin" activity.

The "push pin activity" was fascinating in various ways, I felt like. There was a tray. There was a thin sponge. There was a thumb tack in a tiny basket. Ari placed a paper on the sponge. She poked holes on the paper, following the lines of the triangle. Once she traced the entire triangle, she ripped it out. I found this activity to be particularly fascinating. It kept Ari engaged for quite a while. Stuff you could get at the dollar store! Who needs fancy toys when you're four?!

This is where it gets super cute! Ari said that she was saving the triangle for Daddy, that it would be a special surprise, that she would give it to him when she came home. Why? Because when people are sick, giving them hugs and cards makes them feel a little better. She proceeded to draw on it for a while. She later gave it to her dad.

We love Work Share days! I get a glimpse of what is going on in the classroom, what she is currently drawn to. She gets to show us, often beaming, what she is currently working on, what her latest accomplishments are. For example, during one of the work share days in October, we got to see her do the "100 board." She is fascinated by numbers and counting at the moment.

Article: Myth: Punishments and Rewards Are Effective Ways of Reinforcing Desired Behaviors.

Just something to think about:
http://www.thewellspring.com/flex/discipline/2326/myth-punishments-and-rewards-are-effective-ways-of-reinforcing-desired-behaviors.cfm

Since I'm sharing the idea that rewards don't work in the long-term, I better give you an article that tells you just what the hell to do instead, right?! I will, maybe next year, but I will!!!

Article: 40 Ways to Show Your Child Love

Some great ideas in this article. Check it out!

http://www.themotherhuddle.com/40-ways-to-show-your-child-love/

What do I do/what will I be doing today to show that cute kid our love?
Snuggle when she first wakes up

Make her the chocolate waffles she has been requesting

Hug/kiss her when I pick her up at school

Tell her that, yes, we have a few minutes and so she can play at the playground another five minutes

Play a game on the ride home

Remind myself to spend one-on-one time with her, perhaps doing artwork or making pizza out of playdough

get her involved when I'm preparing dinner.

Snuggle and read stories before bed

What sorts of things do you typically do with your kids? What do you hope to do today to show him/her you love him/her to pieces?

Just a mama reflecting after a hard day...

Nothing like a hard day to get me to write…

The day has only been going downhill. All of us have been getting through a lovely chest cold. Usually my colds are mild; this one is making my asthma act up, something that, typically, only happens if I spend an hour at a house with cats.

Let me backtrack for a minute. I just got through a head cold. Ari had the head cold and a stomach bug. We were well for all of three-five days. Gotta love preschool classrooms!

Chest cold or not, laundry needs to get done, groceries need to be bought, the child needs to be picked up from school, etc., etc. My mother and I picked Ari up at school. We had been in the car for all of about five minutes when she said, in a whining tone, something like "grandma has had a long turn. I want a turn too." Ok, no big deal. I like time to reconnect with my child after school, too. But, wait, why the whining? And, wait, she was busy having her snack. She never communicated that she wanted to talk. I figured I'd give her some time. She is always hungry when I pick her up.

The minute the whining begins I find myself feeling fairly frustrated. It is probably a combination of the fact that I feel lousy, that I have a horrible headache and that Ari and Grandma aren't getting along and I can't figure out how to make it better. Ari doesn't want to talk to her. She is rude about it at times. Grandma's way of dealing with her is very different than mine. She either snaps and makes angry gestures or cries. There is no in between. Now, that happens. We're human. I'm having one of those moments right this second. But, for goodness' sakes, the kid is four and grandma is almost 50. Who is the grownup here? How about we spend some time reading/educating ourselves/trying a new strategy seeing as how the current one isn't working?

Moving on... I talk to Ari about being kind. But I do a pathetic job hiding my frustration. So, what does she say? "Mommy, you're yelling at me. You yell at me all the time."

Wait, what? What did she say? Did she really say that? Yes, she did. Mama is sick, tired and frustrated. Mama was so sad. Mama almost felt heartbroken. I am well aware that I am nowhere near perfect. But if there is something I work very hard at and something that I am very passionate about it is to treat that little girl right, with love, with respect, setting boundaries in a way that will not have a negative impact on our relationship. I think the last time I actually yelled at her she had just turned two. By "yell" she means that I sounded incredibly frustrated, snappy.

All this is no big deal, really. Tomorrow will be a new day. I will feel better. We will talk about whatever comes up and everything will be fine. But, for a while there I really did feel sad.

What to do about it? I gave myself time to feel angry. I gave myself time to feel sad. I realized that a few hours had gone by and I was still feeling that sense of disconnection. I decided to fake it until I felt it. I gave her a long hug. I do want to talk about it and I will, but I will wait until I don't have a splitting headache.

Children's Fair

Just got back from the children's fair at Ari's school a little while ago. I'm so tired I hurt! But the kids had so much fun! And it is always wonderful to run into parents I wish I got to see more often.

Let's see… What did Ari do? She is currently walking, I mean, running around with a shark on her face. She painted a pumpkin. She did a stamping activity, i.e. lots of ink on one sheet of paper! She made an alligator with Nana. She went on two pony rides. She spent a few minutes in the bounce house. She pet rabbits. She fed llamas. Her hair got licked by a llama!

Both grandmas and my nephew joined us. Daddy got to stay home and enjoy some quiet time. I got to see how all the hard work of about ten moms, including myself, paid off. What a wonderful event! Many families had a blast and the scholarship fund is a bit larger after today. Success!

What fun things have you done with your child(ren) recently? I'm hoping our next big thing will be a trip to Boston. Hint, hint, Yaminette! How is that calendar looking?!

Oh, I'm afraid to type it, but there is a rumor Daddy and I get to go on a date tonight! Ari wants to sleep at Grandma's because her cousin will be there. I know there is a great chance we'll be picking her up at 3:00 a.m. But I don't care! We haven't gone anywhere child free in so long. I can't even remember when the last time was!