Ari and I spent some time today at Grandma’s with my brother and his 4-year-old son, the infamous ‘primo,’ Spanish for cousin!
At one point it got quiet. You know what that means! It turns out Ari was in Grandma’s bedroom painting her nails with a red marker. When my mother told me, I decided to wait it out in part because I thought it was kind of funny that she was doing a unique original project, if you will. Also, I wanted to see how Ari was going to handle it when she got discovered.
Fast-forward a few minutes… Ari came out of the bedroom and showed me, without any prompting. I think I said something like “That’s silly. Next time, please write on paper.” She said something like “I paint my nails because I want to be a princess and be beautiful.” If you know me, you know it went downhill from there. I reminded myself to not take her words too seriously, but, frankly, they made me a bit sad. My child isn’t even four yet and she is already thinking about being a princess and being beautiful.
For me, this silly three-year-old episode went from being just that, a kid doing something impish, to me getting all sorts of thoughts about how girls are told, starting very early on, that they are princesses, that they need to dress to be beautiful, wear their hair a certain way, that they need to do their nails, makeup, you name it… Frankly, this really drives me nuts for many reasons.
I have written on here about how our child is exposed to both “girly” and “boy” things. She has fairy nightgowns but she also has Thomas and Friends pajamas. Her two birthday celebrations last year had Go Diego Go and Thomas and Friends themes because that is what she was into at the time. This year it looks like it will be Dora. Why me?! Another post for another day!
Back to my anti princess efforts! She dresses “girly” when she wants to. On other days, she leaves with nothing on her hair. She goes outside and checks out bugs, ants, and all that “boy” stuff. I try to give her opportunities to explore what she is interested in, regardless of whether the activity is stereotypically for boys or girls.
So, why am I so anti princess? I want my child to be herself, to do what she wants to do. I don’t want other girls, women or the media to heavily shape her self-worth and self-esteem. I want my daughter to know that she is beautiful because she just is, that she does not need tons of makeup, fancy nails or any of that stuff. No, I am not anti makeup or anti nails. When she is old enough, she can do all that if that is what she wants. I just feel very strongly that it is important for her to know that she does not need all that, that that is not what really matters in the end.
So, how do I get there? I tell her that she is beautiful. But I don’t want to say it constantly and, without meaning to, send the message that she is the prettiest girl ever. My instinct tells me to be low key about it, to tell her, occasionally, that she is beautiful, and not to overanalyze it. “Your hair is beautiful,” regardless of whether it is done up or if she just got out of bed.
My hope is that if we start thinking about these things when she is very young and letting her know, in different ways, that she is beautiful, regardless of what she does to her body and that there is no need to be princess-like, that she will not have the typical self-esteem struggles that teenage girls often have.
What do you think? Anything that your parents did when you were growing up that turned out to be very helpful? What do you tell your girls, if you have any? What would you tell your daughter, if you had one? Any suggestions?
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Can't do it all, but that's ok!
The last day of school was last Friday, the 17th. I am getting a lot of time with Ari. I love it. But I would lie if I said having her home was not challenging. It’s not about her. It’s not that she makes my days difficult or unpleasant. She is a very pleasant child 90% of the time. It is that there is a lot I would like to do for her, for our family, and it feels like it is hard to fit it all in.
Here are some of my thoughts lately:
I love doing things with her, but I can’t keep up with the house. The kitchen is a mess!
I haven’t done anything for my business this week.
She had a delicious bowl of oatmeal and I cooked other healthy things. Spent a ton of time in the kitchen. All the pots are clean. But now I feel like I neglected her for hours. PBS parented her, not me.
Could she please nap? Or at least be quiet for 20 minutes so I can nap, please?! Could she not put up a fight about rest time?! It’s getting old! Daddy, I know you hate sleeping, but did you really have to pass on those damn genes?! Those are not the genes I was hoping she would get!
Sigh... So, what next?
I remind myself of what I often tell other moms: spend time with your kid. Enjoy your kid. Let her know, with your actions, that you are truly present. Do enough house work so that your house feels livable. But don’t focus all your energy on having a spotless house. Why? Because there are only so many hours in one day and something’s gotta give. What will it be?
I rather live in a semi-messy house and have a relatively messy kitchen because I am spending time making memories with my child. Sometimes, I get her involved in the cooking process. We do laundry together. She loves to sort clothes, to put clothes in the dryer, and she loves to deliver folded clothes to Daddy! One of her all-time favorite chores is to deliver her clean night diapers to Daddy so that he can put them in the diaper stacker. She has been enjoying doing this since before she turned two and she is almost four!
My hope and goal is that I can do a passable job at doing the stay-at-home mom boring crap, i.e., keeping up with the house, and that, when my baby is an adult, she will remember her time at home with mom as time where we did things together, not time where I was freaking out about the messy kitchen, the dirty floors, etc., etc.
When I start freaking out next week, feel free to remind me!
Oh, if your house is spotless and you get plenty of time to connect with your child, honestly, you are my hero. Feel free to send some of your energy my way!
Here are some of my thoughts lately:
I love doing things with her, but I can’t keep up with the house. The kitchen is a mess!
I haven’t done anything for my business this week.
She had a delicious bowl of oatmeal and I cooked other healthy things. Spent a ton of time in the kitchen. All the pots are clean. But now I feel like I neglected her for hours. PBS parented her, not me.
Could she please nap? Or at least be quiet for 20 minutes so I can nap, please?! Could she not put up a fight about rest time?! It’s getting old! Daddy, I know you hate sleeping, but did you really have to pass on those damn genes?! Those are not the genes I was hoping she would get!
Sigh... So, what next?
I remind myself of what I often tell other moms: spend time with your kid. Enjoy your kid. Let her know, with your actions, that you are truly present. Do enough house work so that your house feels livable. But don’t focus all your energy on having a spotless house. Why? Because there are only so many hours in one day and something’s gotta give. What will it be?
I rather live in a semi-messy house and have a relatively messy kitchen because I am spending time making memories with my child. Sometimes, I get her involved in the cooking process. We do laundry together. She loves to sort clothes, to put clothes in the dryer, and she loves to deliver folded clothes to Daddy! One of her all-time favorite chores is to deliver her clean night diapers to Daddy so that he can put them in the diaper stacker. She has been enjoying doing this since before she turned two and she is almost four!
My hope and goal is that I can do a passable job at doing the stay-at-home mom boring crap, i.e., keeping up with the house, and that, when my baby is an adult, she will remember her time at home with mom as time where we did things together, not time where I was freaking out about the messy kitchen, the dirty floors, etc., etc.
When I start freaking out next week, feel free to remind me!
Oh, if your house is spotless and you get plenty of time to connect with your child, honestly, you are my hero. Feel free to send some of your energy my way!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Article: How to Be the Leader Your Child Needs
Another wonderful article from ahaparenting.com:
"How do you help parents who struggle to be the leaders their children need them to be? And how do you help their children, who are less considerate/self-regulating and continually test the limits because of it?"
How can we be the leader our child needs, and deserves?
1. Remember that kids do need parents to "lead." They're new on the planet, and little, and we owe them the security of acting as the leaders in our family. Otherwise, kids keep pushing to make sure someone is "in charge" and will keep them safe.
2. Remember that leadership is about role modeling, guiding and protecting, not about dictating or punishing. (See What's Wrong with Strict Parenting?)
3. Remember that leadership includes setting empathic limits, which are essential to our child's emotional well-being. Most parents who have a hard time being leaders with their children don't understand that limits are actually good for our children -- but only if they're set with empathy. This process has nothing to do with punishment, or even discipline, as we think of it. (See What's Wrong with Permissive Parenting?)
4. Remember that children only accept our leadership because of the relationship we have with them. If they resist or defy us, it's a sign that we need to focus on connecting with them.
5. Take the time to process our own emotions about how we have experienced parents being "in charge." For instance, a parent whose own parents were authoritarian may feel strongly that she doesn't want to repeat that experience for her own children. Terrific! But this parent may get confused and think therefore she can't set limits at all. That doesn't help her children And most likely, she will end up yelling when things finally get out of hand. Kids without limits always push us to our limits.
If, instead, this parent can let herself feel all those childhood feelings of how alone she felt, how hurt, how sad .... they will no longer control her. They won't make her cringe when her child has big feelings. They won't burst out unexpectedly, in yelling. They won't keep her from empathizing with her child's point of view.
That frees her to see the value of clear limits to her children when necessary. She will calmly, empathically guide her child ("You are so mad...but I will not let you hurt me...I will keep everyone safe...") role modeling emotional regulation, without guilt and without feeling a need to punish. That's leadership.
"How do you help parents who struggle to be the leaders their children need them to be? And how do you help their children, who are less considerate/self-regulating and continually test the limits because of it?"
How can we be the leader our child needs, and deserves?
1. Remember that kids do need parents to "lead." They're new on the planet, and little, and we owe them the security of acting as the leaders in our family. Otherwise, kids keep pushing to make sure someone is "in charge" and will keep them safe.
2. Remember that leadership is about role modeling, guiding and protecting, not about dictating or punishing. (See What's Wrong with Strict Parenting?)
3. Remember that leadership includes setting empathic limits, which are essential to our child's emotional well-being. Most parents who have a hard time being leaders with their children don't understand that limits are actually good for our children -- but only if they're set with empathy. This process has nothing to do with punishment, or even discipline, as we think of it. (See What's Wrong with Permissive Parenting?)
4. Remember that children only accept our leadership because of the relationship we have with them. If they resist or defy us, it's a sign that we need to focus on connecting with them.
5. Take the time to process our own emotions about how we have experienced parents being "in charge." For instance, a parent whose own parents were authoritarian may feel strongly that she doesn't want to repeat that experience for her own children. Terrific! But this parent may get confused and think therefore she can't set limits at all. That doesn't help her children And most likely, she will end up yelling when things finally get out of hand. Kids without limits always push us to our limits.
If, instead, this parent can let herself feel all those childhood feelings of how alone she felt, how hurt, how sad .... they will no longer control her. They won't make her cringe when her child has big feelings. They won't burst out unexpectedly, in yelling. They won't keep her from empathizing with her child's point of view.
That frees her to see the value of clear limits to her children when necessary. She will calmly, empathically guide her child ("You are so mad...but I will not let you hurt me...I will keep everyone safe...") role modeling emotional regulation, without guilt and without feeling a need to punish. That's leadership.
Article: The 5 Habits You Need To Stay Connected To Your Child
I recently subscribed to this newsletter. It has quickly become one of my favorite parenting emails! I can't say it enough; it is wonderful. Check out ahaparenting.com. Find her on Facebook.
I find her emails grounding. They are a constant reminder of what really matters when it comes to raising a child. It is so easy to worry about the tens of to-do's I have on any given day, to worry about whether or not Ari's clothes match, did her hair get done, etc., etc. I am learning a lot. I am learning about balance. I am constantly reminded that the sense of connection amongst our family is my #1 priority, that, if the sense of connection is not there, I have nothing. If there is no sense of connection, it feels like everything around me starts to fall apart.
I am finding myself having more conversations with my child, giving her even more hugs, and spending even more time being on my knees so I can talk to her face to face about the things that trouble her, trivial or not. She is becoming more and more interested in snuggling, saying sweet things and letting us know she loves us in different ways. I am so loving it!
Here is the latest article from ahaparenting.com.
***
"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth." -- Virginia Satir
We all want that closeness with our children that makes our hearts melt. But so much of what we consider normal parenting pushes our children away, and makes them more difficult.
It begins when we follow the well-meaning advice to turn away from our crying baby. This erodes our empathy for our child, because instead of following our instincts – which, naturally, tell us to respond to the needs of our little one – we harden our hearts. After that, it's much tougher to feel empathy for this struggling little person, to see things from his perspective. Our child reacts with neediness and defiance. We're exhausted with the demands of daily life, increasingly exasperated by our child's lack of cooperation. We nag, yell and punish, which just makes our child’s behavior worse. This escalates in the teenage years, when parents and children scream and fight; when children start looking for love in all the wrong places.
Like every parent in the world, we're just trying to raise good kids, and we can't even figure out where we went wrong. Over and over, I hear from parents that they wish they had understood how important it is to connect, not just correct.
Of course, parents are only human. There are days when all we can do is meet our children's most basic needs: Feed them, bathe them, keep an encouraging tone, hug them, and get them to sleep at a reasonable hour so we can do it all over again tomorrow. Given that parenting is the toughest job on earth -- and most of us do it in our spare time, after we work at another job all day -- the only way to keep a strong bond with our children is to build in daily habits of connection. What kinds of habits?
1. 12 hugs a day - Including a reconnecting hug after every separation.
2. Turn off technology when you interact with your child. - Really. Your child will remember for the rest of her life that she was important enough to her parents that they turned off their cell phones to listen to her.
3. Special time - Every day, 15 minutes with each child, separately. Alternate doing what your child wants and doing what you want, and on your days resist the urge to structure the time with activities. Instead, play therapeutic "games" to help your child with whatever issues are worrying him. (For ideas about such games, click here.)
4. Welcome emotion - Sure, it's inconvenient. But your child needs to express his emotions or they'll drive his behavior. So welcome the meltdowns, don't let the anger trigger you, and soothe the tears and fears that always hide behind the anger. Remember that you're the one he trusts enough to cry with, and breathe your way through it. Afterwards, he'll feel so much closer to you, and you'll see the difference in how he cooperates.
5. Empathy - The habit of seeing things from your child's perspective will ensure that you treat her with respect and look for win/win solutions. It will help you see the reasons for behavior that would otherwise drive you crazy. It will help you regulate your own emotions so when your buttons get pushed and you find yourself in "fight or flight," your child doesn't look so much like the enemy.
Maybe most important of all, the habit of empathy is what brings you those moments with your child that make your heart melt. We all need more of those.
May you be blessed with miracles today, large and small.
Blessings,
Dr. Laura
I find her emails grounding. They are a constant reminder of what really matters when it comes to raising a child. It is so easy to worry about the tens of to-do's I have on any given day, to worry about whether or not Ari's clothes match, did her hair get done, etc., etc. I am learning a lot. I am learning about balance. I am constantly reminded that the sense of connection amongst our family is my #1 priority, that, if the sense of connection is not there, I have nothing. If there is no sense of connection, it feels like everything around me starts to fall apart.
I am finding myself having more conversations with my child, giving her even more hugs, and spending even more time being on my knees so I can talk to her face to face about the things that trouble her, trivial or not. She is becoming more and more interested in snuggling, saying sweet things and letting us know she loves us in different ways. I am so loving it!
Here is the latest article from ahaparenting.com.
***
"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth." -- Virginia Satir
We all want that closeness with our children that makes our hearts melt. But so much of what we consider normal parenting pushes our children away, and makes them more difficult.
It begins when we follow the well-meaning advice to turn away from our crying baby. This erodes our empathy for our child, because instead of following our instincts – which, naturally, tell us to respond to the needs of our little one – we harden our hearts. After that, it's much tougher to feel empathy for this struggling little person, to see things from his perspective. Our child reacts with neediness and defiance. We're exhausted with the demands of daily life, increasingly exasperated by our child's lack of cooperation. We nag, yell and punish, which just makes our child’s behavior worse. This escalates in the teenage years, when parents and children scream and fight; when children start looking for love in all the wrong places.
Like every parent in the world, we're just trying to raise good kids, and we can't even figure out where we went wrong. Over and over, I hear from parents that they wish they had understood how important it is to connect, not just correct.
Of course, parents are only human. There are days when all we can do is meet our children's most basic needs: Feed them, bathe them, keep an encouraging tone, hug them, and get them to sleep at a reasonable hour so we can do it all over again tomorrow. Given that parenting is the toughest job on earth -- and most of us do it in our spare time, after we work at another job all day -- the only way to keep a strong bond with our children is to build in daily habits of connection. What kinds of habits?
1. 12 hugs a day - Including a reconnecting hug after every separation.
2. Turn off technology when you interact with your child. - Really. Your child will remember for the rest of her life that she was important enough to her parents that they turned off their cell phones to listen to her.
3. Special time - Every day, 15 minutes with each child, separately. Alternate doing what your child wants and doing what you want, and on your days resist the urge to structure the time with activities. Instead, play therapeutic "games" to help your child with whatever issues are worrying him. (For ideas about such games, click here.)
4. Welcome emotion - Sure, it's inconvenient. But your child needs to express his emotions or they'll drive his behavior. So welcome the meltdowns, don't let the anger trigger you, and soothe the tears and fears that always hide behind the anger. Remember that you're the one he trusts enough to cry with, and breathe your way through it. Afterwards, he'll feel so much closer to you, and you'll see the difference in how he cooperates.
5. Empathy - The habit of seeing things from your child's perspective will ensure that you treat her with respect and look for win/win solutions. It will help you see the reasons for behavior that would otherwise drive you crazy. It will help you regulate your own emotions so when your buttons get pushed and you find yourself in "fight or flight," your child doesn't look so much like the enemy.
Maybe most important of all, the habit of empathy is what brings you those moments with your child that make your heart melt. We all need more of those.
May you be blessed with miracles today, large and small.
Blessings,
Dr. Laura
Monday, June 6, 2011
My little love is almost four, no doubt about it!
A few parents have told me that age four is very interesting and sometimes exhausting. You know what that means, right?! Developing children get smarter, become sometimes cute, sometimes not so cute, opinionated smart asses! And I say that with all the love in the world for all the soon-to-be four-year-olds in my life – mine, my friend's, my neighbor's and those of my blog readers!
I wondered what exactly these parents were talking about. Well, now I know! Ari will turn four in three months. We can tell! Most of the time I love what this transition is looking like. And then there are days…! Here is a story for you!
One night, about a month ago, I felt pretty clever! Amor Chiquito asked if she could watch an episode of Dora. I said that Dora was not a choice, but that she could watch something short, like a five-minute Youtube video. She chose this silliness:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5uujMb_hbo
Since that night, watching "something short" has become part of her night ritual. Saturday night, it was bedtime and she made the request. I said that we could not do it that night because Daddy needed to work on his computer and my laptop is not working. Poor Daddy has been working crazy hours. He is teaching two summer online courses and one starts today.
Pause that story. Let me vent for a minute! Ari has two weeks of school left. I don't think we can do any of the two week summer sessions this year. I am trying to launch our new business. And my eight-month-old laptop breaks. What the heck! Doesn't it know about its poor timing?!
Ok, done whining! Back to Ari!
"Mommy, we can use Daddy's little white computer."
Fair enough. Reasonable request. But his netbook takes forever to boot up. It was late. I was tired. So I said no. I said that we would sleep, get tons of energy, and watch something tomorrow. Wrong answer!
She lied down, but would not rest her head on her pillow.
She said I was not listening to her words. That Montessori stuff biting me in the butt again!
The best part! "Mommy, if you don't let me watch something short, I will stay awake. I will be sad and cry."
What? Excuse me?! I was both angry and about to burst out laughing! I could not believe my ears! Oh, by the way, she was out five minutes after that!
Now a sweet story. The other day, at bedtime, I told her that I love being her mommy. Her response: I love being your child. You are the best.
And moments like that one, readers, are the moments I treasure, the moments I try not to forget. Ari is a very sweet, loving child. We have many beautiful, memorable moments. But she is almost four and so she does have the ability to occasionally drive me batty!
Almost forgot... One cool thing about an almost-four-year-old. When her parents are distracted, she will say "you forgot to buckle me"! She rocks!
I wondered what exactly these parents were talking about. Well, now I know! Ari will turn four in three months. We can tell! Most of the time I love what this transition is looking like. And then there are days…! Here is a story for you!
One night, about a month ago, I felt pretty clever! Amor Chiquito asked if she could watch an episode of Dora. I said that Dora was not a choice, but that she could watch something short, like a five-minute Youtube video. She chose this silliness:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5uujMb_hbo
Since that night, watching "something short" has become part of her night ritual. Saturday night, it was bedtime and she made the request. I said that we could not do it that night because Daddy needed to work on his computer and my laptop is not working. Poor Daddy has been working crazy hours. He is teaching two summer online courses and one starts today.
Pause that story. Let me vent for a minute! Ari has two weeks of school left. I don't think we can do any of the two week summer sessions this year. I am trying to launch our new business. And my eight-month-old laptop breaks. What the heck! Doesn't it know about its poor timing?!
Ok, done whining! Back to Ari!
"Mommy, we can use Daddy's little white computer."
Fair enough. Reasonable request. But his netbook takes forever to boot up. It was late. I was tired. So I said no. I said that we would sleep, get tons of energy, and watch something tomorrow. Wrong answer!
She lied down, but would not rest her head on her pillow.
She said I was not listening to her words. That Montessori stuff biting me in the butt again!
The best part! "Mommy, if you don't let me watch something short, I will stay awake. I will be sad and cry."
What? Excuse me?! I was both angry and about to burst out laughing! I could not believe my ears! Oh, by the way, she was out five minutes after that!
Now a sweet story. The other day, at bedtime, I told her that I love being her mommy. Her response: I love being your child. You are the best.
And moments like that one, readers, are the moments I treasure, the moments I try not to forget. Ari is a very sweet, loving child. We have many beautiful, memorable moments. But she is almost four and so she does have the ability to occasionally drive me batty!
Almost forgot... One cool thing about an almost-four-year-old. When her parents are distracted, she will say "you forgot to buckle me"! She rocks!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Farm Share: Week One
Anti-vegetables Puertorican me decided that I would love to get a farm share this year. Us Puertoricans are known for not eating vegetables, so this is big news for my entire family, including me! I have been working on eating healthier for years, but I have been inconsistent when it comes to veggies. I buy them. I feed them to Ari and Geeky Entrepreneur, but I always gave myself the tiniest portions!
It all changed about six weeks ago. I decided to follow the South Beach eating style. I want to be and feel healthier. I want to lose some weight. I am preparing for pregnancy. I want to model healthy habits for my little girl. I want eating healthy to be a natural thing for her.
So, all that being said, we have been eating salads for lunch almost every day. We always have veggies with dinner. We find ourselves eating very delicious meals at home or eating mostly Asian, veggie rich dishes when we eat out. I can’t believe how much I am loving it! I am finding that I have more energy. Sadly, I have noticed that when I “cheat” and eat lots of delicious foods made with refined grains I get super tired and a bit cranky. Good-bye, big white bread sandwiches!
Back to the farm share, I started noticing that I was spending a lot of time and money at the grocery store. Ari eating berries like there is no tomorrow and all of us eating tons of veggies… I was starting to feel like we would be broke soon! You have no idea how much money I spent on blueberries last month, for example!
I have noticed that, typically, organic produce tastes better to me. But a lot of the produce I like to get is not always available. I may find strawberries this week, but not next week. You get my drift.
I remembered that one of Ari’s classmates has a farm. Well, that is how Ari puts it! O has big big gardens, she says!
So, I figured what the heck… Let’s read up on it and see what happens! “O’s farm” has organic veggies, fruit and herbs. We will go get our share every Monday. It will cost us $24.77/week. Let’s do it and see how it goes!
And, so, here we are. Our first farm share!
We went for the first time last Monday. Ari and my nephew came along. They had a blast picking thyme, oregano and sage! Adorable! I forgot to take pictures. What is wrong with me?!
As for the veggies, here is what we got this week: romaine lettuce, baby arugula, baby bok choy, komatsuna, radishes, broccoli, and garlic scallions.
I hear this is the “boring” month. I can’t wait for whatever is coming next!
I feel like I will really be going up a learning curve. To be honest, some of the veggies, I didn’t even know what they were called! Never mind what to do with them! Salads, of course. But I know the possibilities are endless! So I just need to figure out what exactly the possibilities are!
Our two Boston friends have lots of experience with farm shares. You have both been very helpful. Thank you! Plenty of questions coming your way as we go forward with this new adventure!
It all changed about six weeks ago. I decided to follow the South Beach eating style. I want to be and feel healthier. I want to lose some weight. I am preparing for pregnancy. I want to model healthy habits for my little girl. I want eating healthy to be a natural thing for her.
So, all that being said, we have been eating salads for lunch almost every day. We always have veggies with dinner. We find ourselves eating very delicious meals at home or eating mostly Asian, veggie rich dishes when we eat out. I can’t believe how much I am loving it! I am finding that I have more energy. Sadly, I have noticed that when I “cheat” and eat lots of delicious foods made with refined grains I get super tired and a bit cranky. Good-bye, big white bread sandwiches!
Back to the farm share, I started noticing that I was spending a lot of time and money at the grocery store. Ari eating berries like there is no tomorrow and all of us eating tons of veggies… I was starting to feel like we would be broke soon! You have no idea how much money I spent on blueberries last month, for example!
I have noticed that, typically, organic produce tastes better to me. But a lot of the produce I like to get is not always available. I may find strawberries this week, but not next week. You get my drift.
I remembered that one of Ari’s classmates has a farm. Well, that is how Ari puts it! O has big big gardens, she says!
So, I figured what the heck… Let’s read up on it and see what happens! “O’s farm” has organic veggies, fruit and herbs. We will go get our share every Monday. It will cost us $24.77/week. Let’s do it and see how it goes!
And, so, here we are. Our first farm share!
We went for the first time last Monday. Ari and my nephew came along. They had a blast picking thyme, oregano and sage! Adorable! I forgot to take pictures. What is wrong with me?!
As for the veggies, here is what we got this week: romaine lettuce, baby arugula, baby bok choy, komatsuna, radishes, broccoli, and garlic scallions.
I hear this is the “boring” month. I can’t wait for whatever is coming next!
I feel like I will really be going up a learning curve. To be honest, some of the veggies, I didn’t even know what they were called! Never mind what to do with them! Salads, of course. But I know the possibilities are endless! So I just need to figure out what exactly the possibilities are!
Our two Boston friends have lots of experience with farm shares. You have both been very helpful. Thank you! Plenty of questions coming your way as we go forward with this new adventure!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Bye bye, night diapers.
About three weeks ago we had a chat about giving up the night diaper. It was all her. She brought it up. I was not pushing for her to get rid of the night diaper. My thought has been that she is three years old. Why rush it? Why stress out about it? If she was almost five, then maybe I would feel differently.
As for Ari, she has been wanting to be done with night diapers for a while. She did not seem to be developmentally ready. She had had many night accidents. But she specifically talked about it a few weeks back. So I figured we would try. I told her that she has two choices: pee/try to pee before bed or wear a diaper. She sits on the potty every night. She pees 95% of the time. The first two weeks she only had one or two accidents. This past week has been a different story. Let’s just say that I am getting tired of washing peepee sheets! Three accidents the past five nights. One night she came to visit and I woke up soaked! That's right; my shirt was soaking wet with pee! One of those parenting things no one warns you about!
So, what is next?
Ari really wants to be done with diapers. I will honor that. I will give her more time. I will reassess in two weeks and go from there. If she is having a lot of accidents, I may talk to her about how, perhaps, her body is not ready yet, that is ok, and her body will be ready later.
The kid is really into being a big kid. Can you tell?! I wonder why we do that. I remember doing it when I was a kid. I always wanted to be older. I think I was done with that three days after I turned 18!
What do you think? What has the night diaper transition been like for your little one? Anything you might do differently next time around?
As for Ari, she has been wanting to be done with night diapers for a while. She did not seem to be developmentally ready. She had had many night accidents. But she specifically talked about it a few weeks back. So I figured we would try. I told her that she has two choices: pee/try to pee before bed or wear a diaper. She sits on the potty every night. She pees 95% of the time. The first two weeks she only had one or two accidents. This past week has been a different story. Let’s just say that I am getting tired of washing peepee sheets! Three accidents the past five nights. One night she came to visit and I woke up soaked! That's right; my shirt was soaking wet with pee! One of those parenting things no one warns you about!
So, what is next?
Ari really wants to be done with diapers. I will honor that. I will give her more time. I will reassess in two weeks and go from there. If she is having a lot of accidents, I may talk to her about how, perhaps, her body is not ready yet, that is ok, and her body will be ready later.
The kid is really into being a big kid. Can you tell?! I wonder why we do that. I remember doing it when I was a kid. I always wanted to be older. I think I was done with that three days after I turned 18!
What do you think? What has the night diaper transition been like for your little one? Anything you might do differently next time around?
Where is the Reluctant Crunchy Mama?!
My poor blog has been so neglected! I really do mean to post two or three times a week. It just isn’t happening lately. In a way, my blog is like my baby scrapbook. So I need to get to it because Ari is doing and saying all sorts of ridiculously cute and fascinating things and I am not blogging about it.
Now that I am taking the time to do this, I am blanking out, of course! Let’s see…
I will start by saying that something that has been taking up a lot of my time is that I decided to start my own business. Yes, antientrepreneurship me, the woman who hates uncertainty with a passion. How the hell did that happen? Here is the list of reasons.
Since I was about 12, I have been thinking that my career will have something to do with helping people somehow. I thought for years that I wanted to be a counselor. Fast-forward some years and I am so not signing up for a Master’s in Social Work. Simply put, hell no! No way I am going back to school right now! I am free and I want to stay that way!
So, what other things can I do to both help people and help feed my family? Last year I explored the possibility of working in the adoption field. That did not work out so well. There is only one local adoption agency. Next?
Mediation. I have been thinking about mediation on and off for years. I feel like I have been a family mediator unofficially for over a decade now!
Mediation, to me, is very rewarding. Successful mediation sessions can be life-changing.
Mediation is one of the few fields in MA that is not heavily regulated. No master’s degree in anything necessary. None of the “you are under/overqualified” stuff.
Also, I want and need flexibility. I am a mom. I am a family woman. That is my #1 job. That baby girl… I refuse to only see her one or two hours a day. I am incredibly lucky and feel so blessed to have that choice. Since I have the choice, I choose to stay home, to pick her up at school, to see her in that environment, to talk to her teachers, to play silly games at home, pretend I am a pony, to cook with her, to see her beaming when she is playing with her neighbors or putting fingerprints on her daddy’s glasses. It would be awesome to make more money, to not have to spend over $700/month on health insurance because we are both self-employed, to, perhaps, travel more. But this is priceless.
So, here I go. Here I am, hoping that something that I love will both change lives and help pay for that Montessori tuition!
A fellow mediation trainee and I are starting a business together. We will be teaching workshops for couples and we will be doing marital and family mediation.
What is mediation? You and your partner have a conflict and are unable to find a solution. Mediation provides a setting where a third person facilitates the conversation, asks open-ended questions, and guides you so that you can better understand each other’s needs and so that, hopefully, you find a solution.
Marital mediation is a relatively new field. It is very helpful to couples who have some differences and who would like to work them out so that they can remain married.
Typically, couples attend three to six two-hour sessions, based on their needs.
I am committed to helping families improve their lives and their relationships. I am trained, will continue to attend relevant workshops and seminars, and I have plenty of personal experience resolving family issues. So I know I can do this! Wish me luck!
Now that I am taking the time to do this, I am blanking out, of course! Let’s see…
I will start by saying that something that has been taking up a lot of my time is that I decided to start my own business. Yes, antientrepreneurship me, the woman who hates uncertainty with a passion. How the hell did that happen? Here is the list of reasons.
Since I was about 12, I have been thinking that my career will have something to do with helping people somehow. I thought for years that I wanted to be a counselor. Fast-forward some years and I am so not signing up for a Master’s in Social Work. Simply put, hell no! No way I am going back to school right now! I am free and I want to stay that way!
So, what other things can I do to both help people and help feed my family? Last year I explored the possibility of working in the adoption field. That did not work out so well. There is only one local adoption agency. Next?
Mediation. I have been thinking about mediation on and off for years. I feel like I have been a family mediator unofficially for over a decade now!
Mediation, to me, is very rewarding. Successful mediation sessions can be life-changing.
Mediation is one of the few fields in MA that is not heavily regulated. No master’s degree in anything necessary. None of the “you are under/overqualified” stuff.
Also, I want and need flexibility. I am a mom. I am a family woman. That is my #1 job. That baby girl… I refuse to only see her one or two hours a day. I am incredibly lucky and feel so blessed to have that choice. Since I have the choice, I choose to stay home, to pick her up at school, to see her in that environment, to talk to her teachers, to play silly games at home, pretend I am a pony, to cook with her, to see her beaming when she is playing with her neighbors or putting fingerprints on her daddy’s glasses. It would be awesome to make more money, to not have to spend over $700/month on health insurance because we are both self-employed, to, perhaps, travel more. But this is priceless.
So, here I go. Here I am, hoping that something that I love will both change lives and help pay for that Montessori tuition!
A fellow mediation trainee and I are starting a business together. We will be teaching workshops for couples and we will be doing marital and family mediation.
What is mediation? You and your partner have a conflict and are unable to find a solution. Mediation provides a setting where a third person facilitates the conversation, asks open-ended questions, and guides you so that you can better understand each other’s needs and so that, hopefully, you find a solution.
Marital mediation is a relatively new field. It is very helpful to couples who have some differences and who would like to work them out so that they can remain married.
Typically, couples attend three to six two-hour sessions, based on their needs.
I am committed to helping families improve their lives and their relationships. I am trained, will continue to attend relevant workshops and seminars, and I have plenty of personal experience resolving family issues. So I know I can do this! Wish me luck!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
First year at a Montessori Children's House classroom... Almost done!
A lot to say. Lots to do. Not too much time to blog lately. I was going to type a very long post, but decided against that. Hmm, let's rephrase. This is a long post, but it is only about school. It would have been so much longer had I gone with my original idea!
Let’s talk school!
Ari’s first year at the Montessori school is coming to a close. About four weeks of school left. How she has changed… She has learned so much. She is thriving. She is getting to spend time with peers, interacting with them, becoming their friend, having opportunities to use the conflict resolution skills she has been learning about. Yes, now she talks about “listening to my words,” hurting his feelings,” among others. This is exactly what she was craving a year ago. I am glad I stepped out of my comfort zone, glad that I did not let comments from those who said she was too little to get to me, and so glad I listened to my mommy gut.
At this point, Ari traces many letters on a sand tray, writes a few of them, and is very interested in learning how to write her name. For now, she says that her signature is an A!
She is beginning to add.
She is counting in English and Spanish.
The other day she grabbed a globe during work sharing time (i.e., when parents visit with the kids for half an hour). She brought it over, proceeded to point each continent and told us that we live in North America!
She still loves doing artwork, of course! She could cut, glue and color or paint all day!
I have seen her do things like using a manual drill, sand sticks, help with the school garden, wash, peel and slice carrots, among others.
She participates in group sings.
She spends about half an hour at the playground twice a day.
The kid knows a handful of yoga poses! You should see when she comes home, does them so easily and then asks her dad and I to try. Funny stuff!
Every day she has lunch with a different, small group of kids. Picture two to four little kids sitting around a square table, eating and chatting, just like you and I would! So damn cute!
She rests every day, comfortably, no sadness or missing mommy. So glad that did not last long. So grateful for the teachers who spent time with her, talking her through it, validating her feelings, reminding her that mom would return later, rubbing her back, giving her a hug, etc.
I know she did and learned so much more than that. I am looking forward to the end of the year report!
I am feeling incredibly grateful. Life, some luck, and my hard-working husband made this possible. I very much hope she can continue to attend this school until they kick her out! (That would be sixth grade!) I very much wish this wonderful combination of experiences was available to more little ones.
Let’s talk school!
Ari’s first year at the Montessori school is coming to a close. About four weeks of school left. How she has changed… She has learned so much. She is thriving. She is getting to spend time with peers, interacting with them, becoming their friend, having opportunities to use the conflict resolution skills she has been learning about. Yes, now she talks about “listening to my words,” hurting his feelings,” among others. This is exactly what she was craving a year ago. I am glad I stepped out of my comfort zone, glad that I did not let comments from those who said she was too little to get to me, and so glad I listened to my mommy gut.
At this point, Ari traces many letters on a sand tray, writes a few of them, and is very interested in learning how to write her name. For now, she says that her signature is an A!
She is beginning to add.
She is counting in English and Spanish.
The other day she grabbed a globe during work sharing time (i.e., when parents visit with the kids for half an hour). She brought it over, proceeded to point each continent and told us that we live in North America!
She still loves doing artwork, of course! She could cut, glue and color or paint all day!
I have seen her do things like using a manual drill, sand sticks, help with the school garden, wash, peel and slice carrots, among others.
She participates in group sings.
She spends about half an hour at the playground twice a day.
The kid knows a handful of yoga poses! You should see when she comes home, does them so easily and then asks her dad and I to try. Funny stuff!
Every day she has lunch with a different, small group of kids. Picture two to four little kids sitting around a square table, eating and chatting, just like you and I would! So damn cute!
She rests every day, comfortably, no sadness or missing mommy. So glad that did not last long. So grateful for the teachers who spent time with her, talking her through it, validating her feelings, reminding her that mom would return later, rubbing her back, giving her a hug, etc.
I know she did and learned so much more than that. I am looking forward to the end of the year report!
I am feeling incredibly grateful. Life, some luck, and my hard-working husband made this possible. I very much hope she can continue to attend this school until they kick her out! (That would be sixth grade!) I very much wish this wonderful combination of experiences was available to more little ones.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Time for some Ari stories!
Some random Ari stories…
She can figure out what letter a word starts with. We have been playing that game for about two weeks now. It is currently one of her preferred car games. She gets confused with G’s, C’s and K’s because she cannot pronounce them properly yet. G’s come out as D’s and C’s and K’s come out as T’s.
Speaking of, the other day, we were at a restaurant and she needed to go to the bathroom. “I need to go to the bathroom, mommy. I need to pee. Pee starts with a P, mommy.” My child is not the loudest kid ever or anything, but she is her father’s child, so she is definitely up there! My guess is that a good ten people or so heard about how she needed to pee and how pee starts with a P!
Amor Chiquito is starting to communicate her needs and preferences very clearly, which I love because I want her to be comfortable, of course. Also, I don’t have to think and guess as much as I used to when she was younger.
Here are some examples of her talking about her needs and preferences.
On Tuesday, I gave her a quarter of a homemade waffle, about eight strawberries and some orange juice for lunch. Tuesday evening, when we were talking about her school day, she said that when she was resting she felt hungry. I asked her if the snack her school provides is out all day or if it is only out at certain times. She said it is out all day, but that rest time is quiet time. I told her that she can get something to eat after rest time. I asked her what else she thought we could do so that she would not be hungry. “I need more waffles and more fruit, mommy. Please put more food in my lunchbox. Blueberries, blueberries, more blueberries!”
Yesterday was pizza day at school. I asked if she liked her pizza, if she ate it all, etc. She said she only ate the crust. When I asked why, she said that the pizza was cold and that she does not like cold pizza. “I like the cheese to be warm, mommy. I only ate the trust (crust).”
Onto the cute stuff!
Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, right after our family hug, she said “I love my life.” To say that Daddy and I were shocked is an understatement!
When we crawled into bed, she said “I love you, mommy. I really really love you.”
What else could a mom ask for?! For the cute kid to go to sleep right away on the one night when mom wants to watch TV, that’s what!
Almost forgot… Two nights ago Ari was talking about how some kids call their moms mama, some mom and some mommy. She asked if she could call me mom. I said yes, so she said “I love you mom. Good night mom. Can you rub my back, mama?” Very cute!
At the end of the day, she decided to stick with mommy, for now, anyways. I like them all. She can call me whatever makes her happy.
She can figure out what letter a word starts with. We have been playing that game for about two weeks now. It is currently one of her preferred car games. She gets confused with G’s, C’s and K’s because she cannot pronounce them properly yet. G’s come out as D’s and C’s and K’s come out as T’s.
Speaking of, the other day, we were at a restaurant and she needed to go to the bathroom. “I need to go to the bathroom, mommy. I need to pee. Pee starts with a P, mommy.” My child is not the loudest kid ever or anything, but she is her father’s child, so she is definitely up there! My guess is that a good ten people or so heard about how she needed to pee and how pee starts with a P!
Amor Chiquito is starting to communicate her needs and preferences very clearly, which I love because I want her to be comfortable, of course. Also, I don’t have to think and guess as much as I used to when she was younger.
Here are some examples of her talking about her needs and preferences.
On Tuesday, I gave her a quarter of a homemade waffle, about eight strawberries and some orange juice for lunch. Tuesday evening, when we were talking about her school day, she said that when she was resting she felt hungry. I asked her if the snack her school provides is out all day or if it is only out at certain times. She said it is out all day, but that rest time is quiet time. I told her that she can get something to eat after rest time. I asked her what else she thought we could do so that she would not be hungry. “I need more waffles and more fruit, mommy. Please put more food in my lunchbox. Blueberries, blueberries, more blueberries!”
Yesterday was pizza day at school. I asked if she liked her pizza, if she ate it all, etc. She said she only ate the crust. When I asked why, she said that the pizza was cold and that she does not like cold pizza. “I like the cheese to be warm, mommy. I only ate the trust (crust).”
Onto the cute stuff!
Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, right after our family hug, she said “I love my life.” To say that Daddy and I were shocked is an understatement!
When we crawled into bed, she said “I love you, mommy. I really really love you.”
What else could a mom ask for?! For the cute kid to go to sleep right away on the one night when mom wants to watch TV, that’s what!
Almost forgot… Two nights ago Ari was talking about how some kids call their moms mama, some mom and some mommy. She asked if she could call me mom. I said yes, so she said “I love you mom. Good night mom. Can you rub my back, mama?” Very cute!
At the end of the day, she decided to stick with mommy, for now, anyways. I like them all. She can call me whatever makes her happy.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
More protein, baby!
As I have mentioned before, Amor Chiquito is a self-proclaimed vegetarian! No idea where that came from. Her dad and I would never ever give up chicken for anything!
Amor Chiquito loves fruit, some vegetables, and some whole grains. I am trying to increase her protein intake. Here is how it is looking thus far:
Milk: She prefers chocolate milk. She has a small glass of chocolate milk before bed almost every night. I will be sending chocolate milk with her lunch instead of orange juice.
Yogurt: She wants to eat the sugary yogurts with kid characters on them. I am not such a big fan. I will be trying different yogurt options.
Cheese: She used to love American cheese, not so much lately. The only time I see her eating cheese is when she eats pizza. Come to think of it, she used to enjoy cream cheese. Perhaps I should try that again.
Eggs: Nope, no way. She loves to help Daddy make scrambled eggs, but she won’t try them.
Meats: The only time she eats any meat is at a Thai restaurant where she likes chicken satay (chicken on a stick!).
Nuts: Fortunately, we know that she is not allergic to any of them. Unfortunately, she is just not interested.
Nut butters: She absolutely hates peanut butter. I wish you could see her face! “That is so so yutty!”
Beans: She used to eat a bowl of just beans when she was about ten months! Now she won’t touch them. To be fair, perhaps, I should make beans more often so that she has more exposure.
She eats things like homemade waffles, which contain some whole wheat flour, eggs, milk and olive oil. But, as you can see, I am having a hard time getting proteins into her.
I would love any and all suggestions! What do you do? What has worked?
Amor Chiquito loves fruit, some vegetables, and some whole grains. I am trying to increase her protein intake. Here is how it is looking thus far:
Milk: She prefers chocolate milk. She has a small glass of chocolate milk before bed almost every night. I will be sending chocolate milk with her lunch instead of orange juice.
Yogurt: She wants to eat the sugary yogurts with kid characters on them. I am not such a big fan. I will be trying different yogurt options.
Cheese: She used to love American cheese, not so much lately. The only time I see her eating cheese is when she eats pizza. Come to think of it, she used to enjoy cream cheese. Perhaps I should try that again.
Eggs: Nope, no way. She loves to help Daddy make scrambled eggs, but she won’t try them.
Meats: The only time she eats any meat is at a Thai restaurant where she likes chicken satay (chicken on a stick!).
Nuts: Fortunately, we know that she is not allergic to any of them. Unfortunately, she is just not interested.
Nut butters: She absolutely hates peanut butter. I wish you could see her face! “That is so so yutty!”
Beans: She used to eat a bowl of just beans when she was about ten months! Now she won’t touch them. To be fair, perhaps, I should make beans more often so that she has more exposure.
She eats things like homemade waffles, which contain some whole wheat flour, eggs, milk and olive oil. But, as you can see, I am having a hard time getting proteins into her.
I would love any and all suggestions! What do you do? What has worked?
Monday, May 2, 2011
Article: Mistakes Parents Make When Feeding Their Kids
Good read. Great reminders.
http://www.joybauer.com/healthy-living/feeding-kids.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthChildrensHealth_20110501
http://www.joybauer.com/healthy-living/feeding-kids.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthChildrensHealth_20110501
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Holy brain and language development batman!
Here are several interesting words and phrases that Amor Chiquito has been using as of late.
Actually
Just in case
If you change your mind…
She is using all of these correctly! Being a first-time mom, I had no idea when kids begin to use such phrases. I was shocked!
Some quotes:
“Mommy, tomorrow (she has not figured out past and future phrases), when I be grown up, I will have a baby and I will be a mommy and you will be a grandma and daddy will be a granddaddy and we will be a big family for the baby.”
“Daddy, you are my daddy and my cousin’s tio (uncle in Spanish). Tio (my brother) is my cousin’s dad and my tio.”
“Daddy, I was in my mommy’s tummy and you were in Nana’s tummy. Mommy was in grandma’s tummy.”
Let’s not forget:
“And you are not listening to me. I want to go to the park.”
Lastly, “I am done talking about grandma’s house. I want to go to the park.”
Holy brain and language development batman! That’s all I can say!
Actually
Just in case
If you change your mind…
She is using all of these correctly! Being a first-time mom, I had no idea when kids begin to use such phrases. I was shocked!
Some quotes:
“Mommy, tomorrow (she has not figured out past and future phrases), when I be grown up, I will have a baby and I will be a mommy and you will be a grandma and daddy will be a granddaddy and we will be a big family for the baby.”
“Daddy, you are my daddy and my cousin’s tio (uncle in Spanish). Tio (my brother) is my cousin’s dad and my tio.”
“Daddy, I was in my mommy’s tummy and you were in Nana’s tummy. Mommy was in grandma’s tummy.”
Let’s not forget:
“And you are not listening to me. I want to go to the park.”
Lastly, “I am done talking about grandma’s house. I want to go to the park.”
Holy brain and language development batman! That’s all I can say!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Touching Words from a Mom
No earthly idea where I found this or who wrote it. I found it online years ago. As I was going through old documents, I came across it, reread it, and I'm in tears, just like all the other times I've read it!
***
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking.
"Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all.
I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.
That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell.
She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.
That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.
That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks.
I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.
I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.
"You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, andfor all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
***
What do you think, parents? This is about moms, but there are some pretty squishy daddies out there too! I heard a cute daddy tell his baby girl he missed her today, for example!
***
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking.
"Do you think I should have a baby?"
"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.
"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."
But that is not what I meant at all.
I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.
That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.
I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell.
She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.
Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.
That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.
That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.
I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.
My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks.
I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.
I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.
I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.
I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.
My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.
"You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, andfor all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.
***
What do you think, parents? This is about moms, but there are some pretty squishy daddies out there too! I heard a cute daddy tell his baby girl he missed her today, for example!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
What did she say?!
Wow, my blog has been neglected! No posts in two weeks. Amor Chiquito has been home for almost ten days (spring break). She was also home for a few days the week before spring break because of an evil stomach bug.
So, where to start? Let’s start with the fun stuff!
The other day Amor Chiquito handed her dad something and said something like “Daddy, please hold this. I have a lot of things to do.”
What? Excuse me?! Lots of things to do?! Thanks for the laugh, kid!
The other day Amor Chiquito wanted to go to the park. I did not want to go. It was very windy outside. I had made plans to go visit my mother instead. The conversation went something like this:
Ari: Mommy, I want to go to the park.
Me: We are not going to the park right now.
Ari: Why?
Me: It is very windy outside. I don’t want to be cold! We will go another day. We are going to grandma’s house.
Ari: But I really want to go to the park.
Me: I understand that you want to go to the park. We will go tomorrow. Today we are going to have fun at grandma’s.
Repeat that exchange a few times…
Ari: Mommy, I really really want to go to the park.
Me: Ari, I feel like you are not listening. We are going to grandma’s today and we will go to the park tomorrow.
Ari: Mommy, I feel like you are not listening. I want to go to the park.
A few minutes later…
Ari: I want to go to the park.
Me: I am done talking about the park.
Ari: I am done talking about grandma’s house.
So, then what?!
I can’t get mad at her! She is modeling my actions and statements. That’s what kids do! She was not yelling. She was not being rude. She was saying what she hears me say. I felt like she was being a smart ass! But she really wasn’t.
I have been uncertain as to how to handle this. We could go on and on about what we want and what we are actually going to do for ever. Her and I could compete for the Most Persistent award for quite a long time!
My husband and my friend shared some ideas. I will share those another time. In the meantime, tell me, what would you do? What would you say?
So, where to start? Let’s start with the fun stuff!
The other day Amor Chiquito handed her dad something and said something like “Daddy, please hold this. I have a lot of things to do.”
What? Excuse me?! Lots of things to do?! Thanks for the laugh, kid!
The other day Amor Chiquito wanted to go to the park. I did not want to go. It was very windy outside. I had made plans to go visit my mother instead. The conversation went something like this:
Ari: Mommy, I want to go to the park.
Me: We are not going to the park right now.
Ari: Why?
Me: It is very windy outside. I don’t want to be cold! We will go another day. We are going to grandma’s house.
Ari: But I really want to go to the park.
Me: I understand that you want to go to the park. We will go tomorrow. Today we are going to have fun at grandma’s.
Repeat that exchange a few times…
Ari: Mommy, I really really want to go to the park.
Me: Ari, I feel like you are not listening. We are going to grandma’s today and we will go to the park tomorrow.
Ari: Mommy, I feel like you are not listening. I want to go to the park.
A few minutes later…
Ari: I want to go to the park.
Me: I am done talking about the park.
Ari: I am done talking about grandma’s house.
So, then what?!
I can’t get mad at her! She is modeling my actions and statements. That’s what kids do! She was not yelling. She was not being rude. She was saying what she hears me say. I felt like she was being a smart ass! But she really wasn’t.
I have been uncertain as to how to handle this. We could go on and on about what we want and what we are actually going to do for ever. Her and I could compete for the Most Persistent award for quite a long time!
My husband and my friend shared some ideas. I will share those another time. In the meantime, tell me, what would you do? What would you say?
Friday, April 8, 2011
On Traveling for Business, Attachment, and Separation
Warning: this is a long one!
Geeky Entrepreneur travelled for work this week. He was gone for three nights. He had not done much traveling since Amor Chiquito was born, but it looks like he will be traveling about once a quarter from now on.
This week was hard and exhausting for all of us. At the same time, it reminded me about attachment and taught me about the needs of little ones. Let’s just say that our daughter was very sad, confused and angry when her dad was gone. She did things she had never done before, including acting out in school. I felt as though a grumpy and unhappy alien took over my sweet and happy child. She did a lot of crying. I was ready to cry several times. You get my drift.
We got through it. Daddy tried to talk to her two or three times a day. I gave her lots of hugs and love. I tried talking to her about feelings. We co slept and cuddled a lot. That being said, I was still left with the feeling that, no matter what I did, my happy and sweet baby was temporarily gone. This made me wonder. What could I do differently? What did I not do? What could her dad do differently?
I spent some time online. I knew separation is not ideal. I know how it affects little ones and why. It has to do with attachment. You and your little one have a bond. She trusts you. She knows that you will be there when she needs you. You are her world. You mean complete and absolute safety to her. Suddenly, with little or no warning, you are gone. She wonders why. She wonders if or when you will return. If she is old enough, she may worry about where you will sleep, what you will eat, etc.
Up until age five or six, little ones are unable to verbalize their sadness and confusion. They communicate these feelings in different ways: crying, showing anger, sometimes even hitting the traveling parent when s/he comes home. Your little one might withdraw from you for a while after you come home. She may continue to worry about if/when you are leaving for days. For example, Ari is still asking me, multiple times a day, if daddy is home and if he will be home when she comes home from school. The first words out of her mouth this morning: is my daddy home? Where is he? I don’t see him.
I did some research and found some links that I thought may be helpful to you next time you are traveling.
Effects of Separation and Loss on Children's Development:
http://www.peterhaiman.com/articles/effectsOfSeparationOnYoungChildren.shtml
This article focuses on prolonged absence, but it explains what attachment is and the importance of attachment very clearly, I thought.
** I pasted a portion of the article below in here because it is a PDF. I could not find or did not know how to find a link to it. **
***
Business Travel: Preparing Kids for Your Absence and Keeping in Touch
During a preschool circle time, children discussed their parents’ occupations.
Four-year-old Joe shared that his Dad worked at the airport. His teacher asked if he was a pilot who flew planes or a mechanic who worked on them. The boy was stumped, “Um, I don’t know. That’s just where we take Daddy to work.”
by Karen Stephens
Sometimes kids wonder about the simplest things — like how you will get food to eat when you’re not home.
Following up with Joe’s parents, the teacher discovered that Dad didn’t work at the airport at all. But it quickly became obvious why Joe thought his father did. The most tangible thing Joe knew about his father’s work was where he and his mother took Dad almost every morning — you guessed it — to the airport.
From Joe’s perspective, the airport was Dad’s workplace. Preschooler Joe hadn’t yet figured out that the airport was just Dad’s work commute.
Especially for parents, the glamour of work-related travel wears off quickly.
Frequent business travel wears on nerves and tugs at the heart. It can rob parents of irreplaceable child-rearing moments and create painful physical distance. And it’s not just tough on moms and dads. Young children often don’t clearly understand where parents are during work travel, or why parents don’t take the whole family along. If children are left unprepared for a parent’s absence, it can be a time of scary uncertainty.
If you’re a parent whose work schedule includes a lot of travel, the tips below will help you prepare children for your absence and help you stay in touch until your safe return.
Remember, not all surprises are good. Forewarn kids before you travel. If you leave unannounced, you’re likely to undermine trust. If you must leave very early in the morning, say your good-byes the night before. But avoid saying good-bye right at bedtime when children feel most alone anyway.
Let children know why you have to travel for work. According to their ability to understand, briefly explain what you’ll be doing. Sometimes kids wonder about the simplest things — like how you will get food to eat when you’re not home. If those details worry your child, reassure them there are restaurants
and grocery stores where you travel.
Explain how long you’ll be gone. Younger children won’t understand calendar dates, so talk about how many nights sleep or how many days of child care it will be before you return home. School-aged children can mark off days on a calendar. (However, also prepare them for flight delays that upset the best of plans.)
With today’s easy exposure to news reports, children might worry about your travel mode. This is especially true if you’re flying or taking a train after a reported accident. Reassure children that pilots or engineers will do their very best to get you where you’re going safely.
www.ParentingExchange.com
Whenever possible, leave a photo or brochure of where you’ll be — even if it’s your hotel or company building. You can even leave web sites of your travel location that children can view. All that will help your child understand that you didn’t just “disappear” somewhere.
Use technology to stay in touch. Call home when you reach your destination and leave your contact number on the voice mail. Consider faxing and e-mailing messages or digital photos.
Call home at agreed upon times or you’re likely to miss each other; especially when in different time zones and/or countries.
Don’t forget promised call times. Most kids — especially preschoolers — don’t talk a lot during phone calls, but they still like to hear your voice. If you get delayed, remember to give kids a sincere apology once you do talk with them. Young children often don’t clearly understand where parents are during work travel, or why parents don’t take the whole family along.
Help children maintain a sense of your presence in the home by leaving them with one of your favorite items. It can be something as simple as a sweater, sports cap, book, or photographs.
Leave love notes under pillows, in backpacks, or under meal cups to remind your child you think of them even when you’re gone.
Draw up IOUs for activities you’ll do together once you return, such as go to the park or children’s museum.
Continue participating in daily routines even when you’re gone. Leave a video of you reading a bedtime story. Make a tape recording of you and your child singing favorite songs and leave it with a tape recorder for listening.
If you miss a special event, holiday, or birthday, don’t waste time feeling guilty. Limit those occasions as much as you can, but a missed event isn’t the end of the world. Instead, spend your energy planning together how you’ll re-celebrate when you return. Or plan how to celebrate together long distance, such as singing “Happy Birthday” over the phone.
If you are gone a long time, periodically mail home little treasures for the kids. Items easy to mail include coloring books, paperback books, stickers,
puzzles, bookmarks, stuffed animals or puppets, or a few foreign coins. Those are just a few ideas to help ease parent-child separation during travel. There are many more useful ideas in the
book The Business Traveling Parent by Dan Verdick (Beltsville, MD: Robins Lane Press, 2000). Verdick shares lots of ways to creatively stay in touch with children until the joy of your next reunion.
Bonvoyage!
About the Author — Karen Stephens is director of Illinois State University Child Care Center and instructor in child development for the ISU Family and Consumer Sciences Department. For nine years she wrote a weekly parenting column in her local newspaper. Karen has authored early care and education books and is a frequent contributor to Exchange.
© Karen Stephens 2007
www.ParentingExchange.com
A few more ideas:
One idea that we meant to try, did not do, but will most definitely do next time is using webcams. Ari is very visual. She wanted to see her dad and she wanted to show him what she was working on, even what she was eating!
One of my friends suggested that we tell Ari that Daddy will be traveling days before he actually travels. She suggested that we get Ari involved in the packing process.
I feel/hope that talking to Amor Chiquito about what to expect when Daddy is gone might be helpful. I am thinking about how often she can talk to him or see him on the webcam.
Do you have any other suggestions?
As for our family, all of us are glad that life is back to normal. Daddy is glad to be home. Ari is thrilled that her dad is back. I feel that both of them are back! I am hopeful that in a few days Amor Chiquito will stop worrying about her dad not being there when she wakes up in the morning.
Geeky Entrepreneur travelled for work this week. He was gone for three nights. He had not done much traveling since Amor Chiquito was born, but it looks like he will be traveling about once a quarter from now on.
This week was hard and exhausting for all of us. At the same time, it reminded me about attachment and taught me about the needs of little ones. Let’s just say that our daughter was very sad, confused and angry when her dad was gone. She did things she had never done before, including acting out in school. I felt as though a grumpy and unhappy alien took over my sweet and happy child. She did a lot of crying. I was ready to cry several times. You get my drift.
We got through it. Daddy tried to talk to her two or three times a day. I gave her lots of hugs and love. I tried talking to her about feelings. We co slept and cuddled a lot. That being said, I was still left with the feeling that, no matter what I did, my happy and sweet baby was temporarily gone. This made me wonder. What could I do differently? What did I not do? What could her dad do differently?
I spent some time online. I knew separation is not ideal. I know how it affects little ones and why. It has to do with attachment. You and your little one have a bond. She trusts you. She knows that you will be there when she needs you. You are her world. You mean complete and absolute safety to her. Suddenly, with little or no warning, you are gone. She wonders why. She wonders if or when you will return. If she is old enough, she may worry about where you will sleep, what you will eat, etc.
Up until age five or six, little ones are unable to verbalize their sadness and confusion. They communicate these feelings in different ways: crying, showing anger, sometimes even hitting the traveling parent when s/he comes home. Your little one might withdraw from you for a while after you come home. She may continue to worry about if/when you are leaving for days. For example, Ari is still asking me, multiple times a day, if daddy is home and if he will be home when she comes home from school. The first words out of her mouth this morning: is my daddy home? Where is he? I don’t see him.
I did some research and found some links that I thought may be helpful to you next time you are traveling.
Effects of Separation and Loss on Children's Development:
http://www.peterhaiman.com/articles/effectsOfSeparationOnYoungChildren.shtml
This article focuses on prolonged absence, but it explains what attachment is and the importance of attachment very clearly, I thought.
** I pasted a portion of the article below in here because it is a PDF. I could not find or did not know how to find a link to it. **
***
Business Travel: Preparing Kids for Your Absence and Keeping in Touch
During a preschool circle time, children discussed their parents’ occupations.
Four-year-old Joe shared that his Dad worked at the airport. His teacher asked if he was a pilot who flew planes or a mechanic who worked on them. The boy was stumped, “Um, I don’t know. That’s just where we take Daddy to work.”
by Karen Stephens
Sometimes kids wonder about the simplest things — like how you will get food to eat when you’re not home.
Following up with Joe’s parents, the teacher discovered that Dad didn’t work at the airport at all. But it quickly became obvious why Joe thought his father did. The most tangible thing Joe knew about his father’s work was where he and his mother took Dad almost every morning — you guessed it — to the airport.
From Joe’s perspective, the airport was Dad’s workplace. Preschooler Joe hadn’t yet figured out that the airport was just Dad’s work commute.
Especially for parents, the glamour of work-related travel wears off quickly.
Frequent business travel wears on nerves and tugs at the heart. It can rob parents of irreplaceable child-rearing moments and create painful physical distance. And it’s not just tough on moms and dads. Young children often don’t clearly understand where parents are during work travel, or why parents don’t take the whole family along. If children are left unprepared for a parent’s absence, it can be a time of scary uncertainty.
If you’re a parent whose work schedule includes a lot of travel, the tips below will help you prepare children for your absence and help you stay in touch until your safe return.
Remember, not all surprises are good. Forewarn kids before you travel. If you leave unannounced, you’re likely to undermine trust. If you must leave very early in the morning, say your good-byes the night before. But avoid saying good-bye right at bedtime when children feel most alone anyway.
Let children know why you have to travel for work. According to their ability to understand, briefly explain what you’ll be doing. Sometimes kids wonder about the simplest things — like how you will get food to eat when you’re not home. If those details worry your child, reassure them there are restaurants
and grocery stores where you travel.
Explain how long you’ll be gone. Younger children won’t understand calendar dates, so talk about how many nights sleep or how many days of child care it will be before you return home. School-aged children can mark off days on a calendar. (However, also prepare them for flight delays that upset the best of plans.)
With today’s easy exposure to news reports, children might worry about your travel mode. This is especially true if you’re flying or taking a train after a reported accident. Reassure children that pilots or engineers will do their very best to get you where you’re going safely.
www.ParentingExchange.com
Whenever possible, leave a photo or brochure of where you’ll be — even if it’s your hotel or company building. You can even leave web sites of your travel location that children can view. All that will help your child understand that you didn’t just “disappear” somewhere.
Use technology to stay in touch. Call home when you reach your destination and leave your contact number on the voice mail. Consider faxing and e-mailing messages or digital photos.
Call home at agreed upon times or you’re likely to miss each other; especially when in different time zones and/or countries.
Don’t forget promised call times. Most kids — especially preschoolers — don’t talk a lot during phone calls, but they still like to hear your voice. If you get delayed, remember to give kids a sincere apology once you do talk with them. Young children often don’t clearly understand where parents are during work travel, or why parents don’t take the whole family along.
Help children maintain a sense of your presence in the home by leaving them with one of your favorite items. It can be something as simple as a sweater, sports cap, book, or photographs.
Leave love notes under pillows, in backpacks, or under meal cups to remind your child you think of them even when you’re gone.
Draw up IOUs for activities you’ll do together once you return, such as go to the park or children’s museum.
Continue participating in daily routines even when you’re gone. Leave a video of you reading a bedtime story. Make a tape recording of you and your child singing favorite songs and leave it with a tape recorder for listening.
If you miss a special event, holiday, or birthday, don’t waste time feeling guilty. Limit those occasions as much as you can, but a missed event isn’t the end of the world. Instead, spend your energy planning together how you’ll re-celebrate when you return. Or plan how to celebrate together long distance, such as singing “Happy Birthday” over the phone.
If you are gone a long time, periodically mail home little treasures for the kids. Items easy to mail include coloring books, paperback books, stickers,
puzzles, bookmarks, stuffed animals or puppets, or a few foreign coins. Those are just a few ideas to help ease parent-child separation during travel. There are many more useful ideas in the
book The Business Traveling Parent by Dan Verdick (Beltsville, MD: Robins Lane Press, 2000). Verdick shares lots of ways to creatively stay in touch with children until the joy of your next reunion.
Bonvoyage!
About the Author — Karen Stephens is director of Illinois State University Child Care Center and instructor in child development for the ISU Family and Consumer Sciences Department. For nine years she wrote a weekly parenting column in her local newspaper. Karen has authored early care and education books and is a frequent contributor to Exchange.
© Karen Stephens 2007
www.ParentingExchange.com
A few more ideas:
One idea that we meant to try, did not do, but will most definitely do next time is using webcams. Ari is very visual. She wanted to see her dad and she wanted to show him what she was working on, even what she was eating!
One of my friends suggested that we tell Ari that Daddy will be traveling days before he actually travels. She suggested that we get Ari involved in the packing process.
I feel/hope that talking to Amor Chiquito about what to expect when Daddy is gone might be helpful. I am thinking about how often she can talk to him or see him on the webcam.
Do you have any other suggestions?
As for our family, all of us are glad that life is back to normal. Daddy is glad to be home. Ari is thrilled that her dad is back. I feel that both of them are back! I am hopeful that in a few days Amor Chiquito will stop worrying about her dad not being there when she wakes up in the morning.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Article: Don't Say No to Me
Great article on how to say "no" without saying "no" 100 times in one day:
http://hybridrastamama.blogspot.com/2011/04/dont-say-no-to-me.html
This mama began blogging recently. She writes very interesting, thought-provoking posts. Let's not forget that this is where I found the quinoa chocolate cake recipe!
http://hybridrastamama.blogspot.com/2011/04/dont-say-no-to-me.html
This mama began blogging recently. She writes very interesting, thought-provoking posts. Let's not forget that this is where I found the quinoa chocolate cake recipe!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
A Must-Check-Out Blog
I just came across this blog today:
http://montessoriadvice.blogspot.com/
The author is a Montessori teacher, founder of a Montessori school, and the parent of a preschooler.
It looks like she does not post often. But if you look through the older posts, you will find many posts addressing common parenting/teaching questions.
http://montessoriadvice.blogspot.com/
The author is a Montessori teacher, founder of a Montessori school, and the parent of a preschooler.
It looks like she does not post often. But if you look through the older posts, you will find many posts addressing common parenting/teaching questions.
Quinoa
A few weeks back I came across a quinoa chocolate cake recipe. I tried it and we really liked the cake. This made me very curious. What other dishes can I make with quinoa that my family might eat?
I will go ahead and admit that I had never eaten quinoa. I knew nothing about it. I had heard the name and I knew it was a whole grain. Sounds terrible, I know! What can I say? Us Puertoricans, typically, are not fans of whole grains. In fact, my relatives are often leery of trying anything I cook because they know I tend to cook with a twist, one they are not fund of!
The other day I cooked some quinoa, the way you cook white rice. No go. Ari tried it and didn’t like it. Geeky Entrepreneur is willing to try again. I am willing to keep trying until I get it right. They don’t like brown rice. Geeky Entrepreneur won’t do whole wheat pasta too often. So I feel the need to keep trying whole grain recipes until I find something that everyone loves.
I just made some quinoa kheer! Kheer is an Indian rice pudding dessert.
I found two other quinoa pudding recipes today. I will be trying them another time.
Do you have any quinoa recipes you love? Please share!
I will go ahead and admit that I had never eaten quinoa. I knew nothing about it. I had heard the name and I knew it was a whole grain. Sounds terrible, I know! What can I say? Us Puertoricans, typically, are not fans of whole grains. In fact, my relatives are often leery of trying anything I cook because they know I tend to cook with a twist, one they are not fund of!
The other day I cooked some quinoa, the way you cook white rice. No go. Ari tried it and didn’t like it. Geeky Entrepreneur is willing to try again. I am willing to keep trying until I get it right. They don’t like brown rice. Geeky Entrepreneur won’t do whole wheat pasta too often. So I feel the need to keep trying whole grain recipes until I find something that everyone loves.
I just made some quinoa kheer! Kheer is an Indian rice pudding dessert.
I found two other quinoa pudding recipes today. I will be trying them another time.
Do you have any quinoa recipes you love? Please share!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
On screwing up and apologizing to my child
Sunday afternoon Amor Chiquito began telling us that her ears were hurting. By Sunday evening she was in a lot of pain. Monday morning we found out that she was experiencing her first ear infection, a “double ear infection,” in fact.
All I have to say is yay for Ibuprofen and antibiotics!
We tried some home remedies, like warm compresses and drops of olive oil in her ears, but neither of those worked for Amor Chiquito.
The ear infection had us up four times (I think) the first night, before we got the antibiotic. The second and third nights, Amor Chiquito was only getting up once or twice, but, each and every time we gave her ibuprofen she could not sleep for a good two hours. She tried and tried, but it just wasn’t happening. She kept telling me that she wanted to “watch one Dora and then sleep.” Perhaps she was onto something. Maybe I should have listened, in retrospect.
Amor Chiquito and I got bad colds and we are just getting over the cold, after at least ten days.
So, to say that this mama has been tired is an understatement.
Last night was night three of the madness, the multiple night wakings, sometimes for hours. Let’s just say that mommy was tired, extremely tired, and, in my case, an extremely tired mommy at 4:30 am can easily lead to a snappy mommy. I told Amor Chiquito that I was feeling angry, that I was very, very tired, and that I was going to sleep. I angrily rolled over.
So, what do you think my child did? She hugged me and gave me kisses.
Her actions helped me snap out of it and helped me realize that she was not intentionally being difficult and that I needed help. I needed Daddy to take a turn. I had been at it for two hours. I had gotten about three hours of sleep.
This morning, after I had gotten enough sleep, it all came back to me. I felt like such a snappy B!
My thoughts after the fact:
If someone can help you/take a turn, reach out and let him/her take a turn with the little one. It is ok. We are human beings. We get tired. You are not less of a parent for reaching out for help.
If you are home with a sick child, nap when the child naps.
We make mistakes. Forgive and be gentle with yourself.
Children are very forgiving.
Do right by your child. Apologize. It is the right thing to do. It will ensure that the special bond you and your child have is left intact. Also, you are modeling something positive, something you want your child to be able to do when she screws up.
I decided I was going to do just that, apologize to my baby. So, when she came home from preschool (her first day back), I got down on my knees, so I could be at eye level with her, and we had a little talk.
Me: I want to talk to you about something. You know how we were awake for a long time in the middle of the night and we could not sleep?
Ari: Yes.
Me: I got very cranky. I am sorry. I was not nice.
Ari: Why you were like that, mommy?
Me: I was very tired. I needed some sleep.
Ari: O.
Me: I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry I was cranky. I will try not to do that. I love you. I want to give you a hug.
We hugged and it was over. Later on, she told her Daddy that I said I was sorry I was cranky and she asked him why I was cranky. He explained that when people are very, very tired, sometimes they get cranky.
Long post..Oops!
Moral of the story: when you screw up, apologize to your kid, forgive yourself and move on.
All I have to say is yay for Ibuprofen and antibiotics!
We tried some home remedies, like warm compresses and drops of olive oil in her ears, but neither of those worked for Amor Chiquito.
The ear infection had us up four times (I think) the first night, before we got the antibiotic. The second and third nights, Amor Chiquito was only getting up once or twice, but, each and every time we gave her ibuprofen she could not sleep for a good two hours. She tried and tried, but it just wasn’t happening. She kept telling me that she wanted to “watch one Dora and then sleep.” Perhaps she was onto something. Maybe I should have listened, in retrospect.
Amor Chiquito and I got bad colds and we are just getting over the cold, after at least ten days.
So, to say that this mama has been tired is an understatement.
Last night was night three of the madness, the multiple night wakings, sometimes for hours. Let’s just say that mommy was tired, extremely tired, and, in my case, an extremely tired mommy at 4:30 am can easily lead to a snappy mommy. I told Amor Chiquito that I was feeling angry, that I was very, very tired, and that I was going to sleep. I angrily rolled over.
So, what do you think my child did? She hugged me and gave me kisses.
Her actions helped me snap out of it and helped me realize that she was not intentionally being difficult and that I needed help. I needed Daddy to take a turn. I had been at it for two hours. I had gotten about three hours of sleep.
This morning, after I had gotten enough sleep, it all came back to me. I felt like such a snappy B!
My thoughts after the fact:
If someone can help you/take a turn, reach out and let him/her take a turn with the little one. It is ok. We are human beings. We get tired. You are not less of a parent for reaching out for help.
If you are home with a sick child, nap when the child naps.
We make mistakes. Forgive and be gentle with yourself.
Children are very forgiving.
Do right by your child. Apologize. It is the right thing to do. It will ensure that the special bond you and your child have is left intact. Also, you are modeling something positive, something you want your child to be able to do when she screws up.
I decided I was going to do just that, apologize to my baby. So, when she came home from preschool (her first day back), I got down on my knees, so I could be at eye level with her, and we had a little talk.
Me: I want to talk to you about something. You know how we were awake for a long time in the middle of the night and we could not sleep?
Ari: Yes.
Me: I got very cranky. I am sorry. I was not nice.
Ari: Why you were like that, mommy?
Me: I was very tired. I needed some sleep.
Ari: O.
Me: I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry I was cranky. I will try not to do that. I love you. I want to give you a hug.
We hugged and it was over. Later on, she told her Daddy that I said I was sorry I was cranky and she asked him why I was cranky. He explained that when people are very, very tired, sometimes they get cranky.
Long post..Oops!
Moral of the story: when you screw up, apologize to your kid, forgive yourself and move on.
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