Wednesday, January 11, 2012

On Being Aware of Being an Only Child

Just earlier today I emailed a friend one of our typical updates. In the email I mentioned that we've hit the one year mark. We've now been trying to get pregnant for a year, that is. Now, if you've been reading my blog, you know there has been serious ambivalence from time to time. We've had many conversations and we've decided to keep trying. The great thing is that I am feeling ok about it. I tend to get anxious about things. So I welcome this very positive change.

All that being said, I just had a moment, one of those moments where, just for a minute, you feel sad and you wish you could get away from your kid and have a little cry.

"Mommy, their house is funner than ours. There are three kids. There are kids I can play with. Here there is only one kid."

I don't think Ari is thinking about having a sibling all the time. As a matter of fact, this is the first time ever she has made a comment about being an only child. Maybe it was just her way of trying to talk me into letting her go next door for some playtime with the three kids over there. Or, perhaps, she is finally aware of it and she has an opinion. My guess is that it was a random comment.

Part of me believes in being honest and talking about things, that, perhaps, we should talk about being a family of three and how that may or may not change. Part of me rathers not mention it because, frankly, what is the point? What am I going to tell her? Mommy would like to have another baby. How about you? Oh, by the way, we're trying and it's just not happening. You came to us easily and, this time, I just don't know what is going on.

Thus far, I've decided that if she brings it up, I am more than happy to talk about it, but I'm not going to bring it up myself. I just don't see the point right now.

Since I brought up the topic, I'll share a quick update. Right now, we have no idea what is going on. I have wondered if it has anything to do with me being overweight. The GYN doesn't think so. We can do some blood work and go from there. Daddy just got a new job. I'm thinking we'll wait for our new health insurance to kick in and then I'll do the blood work. If we did it now we'd be paying out of pocket for all the tests. No, thank you. I'll keep working on getting me at a healthier weight. We'll test in a month or two. And, we'll go from there.

I still think about adoption, but we don't have the resources to do a private domestic or international adoption. I have some reservations about adopting through DCF.

There you have it. That is where we are. Now, off to snuggle with my sweet baby, or not baby, girl!

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