Ari will be 27 months this Friday. Obviously, there is no deadline as far as by when we must decide to have or not to have another child. But, for some reason, I keep feeling like it is almost time to decide. Silly, I know. I do have a tendency to obsess about things! I am trying not to.
We have no idea right now. Lately, I am feeling that our family is perfect as is. But, at the same time, I don't feel like our decision is final at this point.
I wonder if being an only child will be good for Ari. Any thoughts on that? I wish I could meet multiple people who are only children and are healthy and happy adults. All the only children I have met seem to be clingy and dependent. Is it a coinsidence? Or, is it that growing up as an only child changes one's life for ever in a negative manner?
I found an article about things to think about when considering trying for another baby:
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/advice/0809228475.php?nid=360
I plan on researching the impact of being an only child.
Thoughts? Feel free to share!
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Good luck with your decision...I'm sure it won't be easy, but you'll make the right one!
ReplyDeleteI have several friends who are only children, and I've seen both--clingy dependent people who can't function, and perfectly reasonable individuals with perfectly reasonable lives.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has two already, I can say that I remember feeling like things were just perfect with one, and how could I love another the same. I do love them both and I care deeply for both of them, understanding that sometimes I have to devote more of myself to the baby and I know that others in the family will care for the older one.
3 years apart is said to be a good difference for parents because the older one is old enough to take care of herself in some respects and won't need you for the most basic stuff. In my case I had two babies. I still do, as they are both in diapers (by the way...HuggaBuns.com, see if they have any old ones left in a medium or large. The medium is VERY big). My brother and I fought like crazy, though, until we were teenagers.
There is no right answer and you'll get criticized no matter what you do, so do whatever the heck you want. Good luck!
I can only submit anecdotal evidence from my own family: the most kind, well-rounded, independent children my siblings have are ONLY children. Some of my sibs have three kids, some have two kids, but the two that are onlies (and these "kids" are adults now - I'm the ninth of nine) are amazing human beings. I don't know many people who are onlies, but I think IF YOU DON'T SPOIL THEM ROTTEN and make them think they're the center of the universe (rough to learn that's not true when you get your first job - better to learn it in babyhood) they'll be fine. Yes, it's nice to have siblings. I wouldn't trade mine and my exceptional childhood surrounded by insta-friends for all the tea in China.
ReplyDeleteBut onlies can be fine people.
After my Dad died in April, I got really depressed that my daughter might end up an only. I leaned so heavily on my sibs during that time - they were the only people on earth who could truly understand exactly what I had lost because we all lost the same Daddy. My daughter (3 in Feb) came to us through adoption, and I feared we'd never have the money/circumstances to adopt again and never get pregnant, thus leaving her an "only." Imagine my surprise in August when I found out I was pregnant!
Anyway, whatever you do is right for you, but don't worry about your only being selfish or dependent. She'll be what you raise her to be.
:)