A "Love and Logic" Moment

Amor Chiquito is not a fan of picking up her toys after she is done playing with them. Then again, who is?!

There have been times when I ask her to pick up her toys and she has told me it is my turn. Imp! It was funny once or twice, but not anymore! Most of the time, either the grownups pick up the toys or we have a royal mess in our living room. Who am I kidding? Most of the time we have a royal mess in our living room. I can’t keep up, it feels like!

Yesterday I got her magnetic numbers. She was ecstatic! We played with them for a while, and, then, the inevitable, cleanup time.

Ari: I no want clean up.

Me: Please clean up the numbers.

Ari: But I no want to.

Me: You have two choices. If you clean up, you can play with them later. If I clean up, they will go up high. Who is cleaning up?

Ari: You.

Me: Ok, I will clean up. They are going up high.

There was some crying.

In retrospect, I could have done a better job. I was tired, frustrated, and tired of repeating myself so many times in one day. Instead, I could have tried to be brief and to not let it get to me.

Today Amor Chiquito asked for her numbers.

Me: I will get them. They are up high because I picked them up yesterday.

We played for a while. She would grab a number. She would tell me what the number was. If she did not know, I would tell her. She would then run to the kitchen and put the number on the fridge. Repeat, repeat, and repeat some more...!

When it was time to clean up, I asked if she was cleaning up or if I was.

Ari: I clean up. No numbers up high.

No fuss! How cool is that! I got the idea from the Love and Logic book.

Later on, we played with play dough and she cleaned up too.

We are also working on having a consistent parking spot, if you will, for her bike. I have tripped on the damn bike more times than I care to admit! Basically, because my vision is so limited, I might see things that I am looking for. Otherwise, I don’t notice a lot of things, particularly smaller objects close to the ground such as her bike.

That reminds me of a sweet moment today… Amor Chiquito was riding her bike. I was walking near her. She said “waaatch out, mommy.”

I might have mentioned this before. Amor Chiquito has been aware of my visual impairment since before she was a year old. It is fascinating to see how her and I continue to adapt as time goes on, as she gets older and understands more about my eye sight.

Turn every opportunity into a learning experience.

Or something like that...! The title is from one of the Love and Logic books.

Amor Chiquito was being impish and not in a cute way. It was lunch time. She kept getting up, grabbing toys and things that were not toys, and making messes everywhere. She intentionally dumped soapy water on the floor. She spilled sauce on the table.

Moving away from the important stuff, the lesson Ari learned today… You should have seen me… I was walking into the kitchen and stepped on the soapy water puddle. My socks were soaked. I return to the dining room. There was a royal mess on the table. Heck, there was a bit of sauce on my laptop keyboard! Cleaning the mess required many paper towels. Actually, it required a big towel!

Sometimes, I love being a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes, I love *the idea of* being a stay-at-home mom! It’s a messy, sometimes intense, job! Very long hours! But, at the end of the day, it is worth it!

Back to Ari’s lesson… I was busy cleaning up the sauce, so had not gotten to the soapy water on the floor. She slipped and fell. She did not get hurt.

Amor Chiquito was being a bit dramatic and asked for help. I said “You are ok. Come see mommy. I will give you a hug.” After the hug, I asked “Do you know why you fell?” She said “no.” I said “You spilled soapy water on the floor. We need to clean it up.” She said she was afraid of falling. I told her she would be safe, that I would stand near her, but that she needed to help clean up. She cautiously walked over and help clean up.

I love Love and Logic! Geeky Entrepreneur and I were listening to the cd’s last weekend to refresh our memories. One of the things the book emphasizes the most is to take any misbehavior and turn it into a learning experience. They suggest that you show your child empathy and that you then deliver the consequence. They say, over and over again, to “let the consequences do the teaching.” No need for screaming. No need for passive-aggressiveness. No need to bark orders 24/7. It really does make a huge difference!

Time for night night… Here is to hoping that she naps today. She did not nap yesterday. Life gets very interesting when she does not nap!

Hitting your kid is the only effective way, really?

Another rant, be warned!

My mom was watching what turned out to be a very annoying, misinformed tv show. Some people believed that hitting your child is essential, a must, so you can successfully discipline your child. Others were saying that all a child needs is love. Not making this crap up!

I happen to disagree very strongly with both points of view. Shocker! What else is new?! I am very much a do-my-own-thing type of person. I research things, educate myself, analyze the possible outcomes, make my own decisions (with my husband, of course, particularly when it comes to my child). Ultimately, we do what we think is right. Frankly, I don't give a damn what our relatives think! Facts are worth much more than opinions to me. I do not mean that I do not welcome advice. I mean that, to me, advice with facts to back it up is worth so much more than simply "I did x, so you should too."

Don't have a lot of time right now, but here are my beliefs and how we respond to unwelcomed behaviors...

Lots of positive reinforcement.

Try to make being around parents fun. Every day, do something fun with your kid. Little things at home make kids so happy... I wish you could hear Ari's laugh when she runs after her daddy trying to catch him!

Lovingly, calmly and respectfully set limits.

If you say no, mean it. Otherwise, your word as a parent is worth crap. If your word is not worth a damn, then don't get mad at your child when the child does not listen to you. It's your own damn fault, no offense!

Enforce the limits/boundaries. If you said "if you do a, x will happen," make x happen. Take away what you said you would take away.

Consequences come immediately. When Ari thinks spilling juice on the floor is cool, I immediately say "ut-oh," take the juice away, and I don't give her attention until the tantrum is over.

Once the situation has passed, it belongs there, in the past. We give her a hug, tell her we love her, and move on, onto fun stuff.

It goes without saying that no one parent is perfect, but if you communicate that your word is worth something and if there are consequences to your kids' actions, they will get the hint.

We all have bad days and frustrating moments. No one is 100% consistent. Every parent loses it every now and then. Being a parent does not mean you stop being human. But if we do our best and do right by our kids, hopefully we will be proud parents one, five, twenty years from now...