Stories About Our Transition to Crunchiness

Article: How to Take Care of Yourself Emotionally While Raising Your Child

2012-02-08T10:27:00.002-05:00

Last one for today!
http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/Take_care_of_yourself_emotionally/

Article: Self Care: When Your Child Pushes Your Buttons

2012-02-08T10:14:00.003-05:00

I know I've said it so many times, but I have to say it again. Laura at ahaparenting.com writes such wonderful, inspirational parenting articles.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=217747&A=SearchResult&SearchID=3448171&ObjectID=217747&ObjectType=55

Getting crunchier: homemade deodorant

2012-02-08T09:49:00.000-05:00

I decided to try it about two months ago. I haven't gone back! I don't think I will go back.

Super simple. Super easy to make. Super cheap. No wondering about the ingredients and what they may do to my body.

There are tons of recipes. This first time I opted to go with the simplest one. Corn starch and baking soda, a one-to-one ratio. Mix. Grab some with your finger tips and apply. That's all there is to it!

Corn starch dries. Baking soda removes odors.

It really does work!

The only con I can think of is that it can be messy because it is a powder. So I do it over the bathroom sink. Problem solved.

I spent a quarter, maybe. I've been using it for about two months and there is enough for another month easy.

Come on, take the plunge! You know you want to!

Article: Inflammatory Breast Cancer

2012-02-07T09:17:00.003-05:00

Please read this one. No lumps. Very aggressive cancer. Please read and remember the signs.

http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/2007/07/23/inflammatory-breast-cancer/

The author passed away yesterday:
http://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/goodbye/

I didn't know her. Didn't know her blog until yesterday. But I can't stop the tears. I keep thinking about her little boys, one of them born in 2007, just like my Ari. I keep thinking about her husband. I keep thinking about what she must have gone through, knowing that her time with her family was so limitted.

One of Ari's teachers was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. This horrible disease... It is everywhere. It shows up, out of the blue, and takes over people's lives.

The teacher at Ari's school is receiving lots of drawings from the little ones, cards from the parents, support from the staff. A few of us moms from her classroom are now collecting gift cards so that she can get whatever she needs.

It is beautiful to see all the love, all the families trying to help. But it is so sad. So many thoughts. So many questions. How is she doing? How is it looking, i.e., what stage? Will she come back? I so hope she can. I so wish we could do so much more than send her gift cards.

Pardon my French, but cancer is an asshole and I so wish we were a lot closer to finding cures. I wish people were doing more than talking about the color of their bra. I wish more people knew that some nutrients apparently do manage to help shrink tumors. If it is true that some nutrients are so effective, I wish oncologists were combining chemo and alternative medicine more often.

There is wishing and there is doing. What you can do:

Give blood.

Give platelets.

Donate your hair.

Donate money to a cancer research group.

Donate your time at an oncology unit.

Article: Making the Switch to Reusable Menstrual Products

2012-01-12T08:40:00.002-05:00

Guys, you may want to skip this one!

Ladies, here is a very thorough article on reusable menstrual products.

http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/reusable-menstrual-products/

I haven't tried many of the options she lists. Definitely not doing the free bleeding thing, thanks! I may or may not try cloth pads. I keep going back and forth about it. Basically, I've felt funny about it and have wondered how messy the process is. But I did cloth diapers for years, so what is the big deal?! I guess it comes down to this: I'm ok with tiny amounts of baby poop being in my washer but not ok with my own blood being in there. See how ridiculous that sounds?! But I'm certain I'm not the only one who feels this way!

I have some experience with the Diva Cup. It works very well for me in that it really does catch everything if you insert it properly. I have a hard time inserting it and removing it occasionally. There have been times when it just doesn't feel comfortable. Sometimes it hurts while I am pulling it out. My guess is that I need more practice. If I could see the diagrams/pictures it would probably be easier.

Overall, I like many aspects of it. But I grow impatient when I have cramps from hell and it takes a couple tries before I feel comfortable. That being said, I'll keep trying because I like the idea of using something reusable.

On Being Aware of Being an Only Child

2012-01-11T20:26:00.000-05:00

Just earlier today I emailed a friend one of our typical updates. In the email I mentioned that we've hit the one year mark. We've now been trying to get pregnant for a year, that is. Now, if you've been reading my blog, you know there has been serious ambivalence from time to time. We've had many conversations and we've decided to keep trying. The great thing is that I am feeling ok about it. I tend to get anxious about things. So I welcome this very positive change.

All that being said, I just had a moment, one of those moments where, just for a minute, you feel sad and you wish you could get away from your kid and have a little cry.

"Mommy, their house is funner than ours. There are three kids. There are kids I can play with. Here there is only one kid."

I don't think Ari is thinking about having a sibling all the time. As a matter of fact, this is the first time ever she has made a comment about being an only child. Maybe it was just her way of trying to talk me into letting her go next door for some playtime with the three kids over there. Or, perhaps, she is finally aware of it and she has an opinion. My guess is that it was a random comment.

Part of me believes in being honest and talking about things, that, perhaps, we should talk about being a family of three and how that may or may not change. Part of me rathers not mention it because, frankly, what is the point? What am I going to tell her? Mommy would like to have another baby. How about you? Oh, by the way, we're trying and it's just not happening. You came to us easily and, this time, I just don't know what is going on.

Thus far, I've decided that if she brings it up, I am more than happy to talk about it, but I'm not going to bring it up myself. I just don't see the point right now.

Since I brought up the topic, I'll share a quick update. Right now, we have no idea what is going on. I have wondered if it has anything to do with me being overweight. The GYN doesn't think so. We can do some blood work and go from there. Daddy just got a new job. I'm thinking we'll wait for our new health insurance to kick in and then I'll do the blood work. If we did it now we'd be paying out of pocket for all the tests. No, thank you. I'll keep working on getting me at a healthier weight. We'll test in a month or two. And, we'll go from there.

I still think about adoption, but we don't have the resources to do a private domestic or international adoption. I have some reservations about adopting through DCF.

There you have it. That is where we are. Now, off to snuggle with my sweet baby, or not baby, girl!

Questions for Potential Babysitter

2012-01-11T09:12:00.001-05:00

We have been lucky thus far. Grandma has always been our babysitter. But it's time. I have posted on the local college job website. I got the first email from a potential sitter this morning.

So, what the heck do I ask someone who I don't know but who may be spending a few hours with my child a few times a month?

And, how do I put my mommy anxiety on the side and keep moving forward with this? We've done this before, in a sense. Ari spends six hours a day with three teachers who were once strangers. But, somehow, that feels different. This one person will be in our home, alone with my child. Call it ridiculous, but it makes me feel a bit nervous.

Moving on… What would you ask this person? Help me out, please!

Christmas 2011

2011-12-31T17:02:00.000-05:00

Where to start? Basically, we had a simple, enjoyable Christmas. I kept reminding myself that what matters is spending time with family. Presents and attempting to create the picture perfect holiday can be a lot of fun but can also be incredibly stressful. When I am stressed out, frankly, it’s easy to become the bitchy wife/mama. So, for us, simple is better. Here are the highlights, in no particular order:

Grandma and I put up a 4’ Christmas tree for Ari. She has really looked forward to it the past two years.

Ari helped me with gift wrapping. In other words, I did all the cutting and wrapping and she was in charge of the tape and of placing wrapped presents under the tree. It took quite a while. I’m slow at these things, poor eye sight and all, and adding a cute little one to the process made it take even longer. But it was nice quality time and it was a lot easier than last year. This time I can sincerely say she was helpful.

I decided to try something different this year and went for silly when it came time to give our relatives presents. Examples: my sister got a mango in a tiny gift bag. My mother’s boyfriend, who is always grabbing my fruit, got a fruit basket wrapped in snowmen wrapping paper!

We had dinner with my family on Christmas Eve. The kids got to open presents. Many photos were taken. I was picked on incessantly for my new haircut. We’re long hair people and so me having chin-length hair is just weird for the girls in my family. I told them to go give theirs to Wigs for Kids too and to shut the hell up, because, really, it was getting old!

My mother gave Ari a cardboard castle, among other things, which Ari absolutely loves. She now eats and will even watch TV from her castle. Silly kid! She is enjoying painting her castle. I am wondering how long the castle will be around for!

On Christmas day, we drove down to see my in-laws. Ari got to exchange presents with her grandparents, and, most fun of all, she got to decorate ginger bread cookies with Nana.

Another highlight for Ari was staying at a hotel. We stayed at a hotel with an indoor swimming pool this time. Nana joined us for a morning swim on the 26th. Nana and Ari had a blast and daddy and I enjoy a pool every now and then. It’s relaxing.

Hotel funny: as we walk in, Ari is incredibly tired, resting her head on Daddy’s shoulder. Once we walk into the room, suddenly, she is wide awake, super excited, jumping from bed to bed for a good half an hour. The area between the two beds was the muddy mud pit, she reported. Silly child!

We got to see Daddy’s 82-year-old grandma on the 26th. She made his favorite Italian cookies, some Sinnamon thingies. No idea what they’re called. She also made a bunch other different types of cookies and Ari was in heaven. As if that wasn’t enough, Ari was sent home with another dozen cookies! Sadly, Ari is down to one cookie per day. Mean mom and dad!

Here are links to what we got Ari for Christmas.

Magna-tyles:
http://www.amazon.com/Magna-Tiles-48-Piece-Set/dp/B000JKRU5Y

The cool thing about magna-tyles is that the three of us love them! I’m talking we never get bored when she wants to build with us! Talk about an ideal present!

The GreenStart Under the Sea floor puzzle:
http://www.kangarooboo.com/product/details/2485-Innovative-Kids-Green-Start-Giant-Floor-Puzzle-Under-the-Sea

And the Green Start Number Hunt floor puzzle:
http://www.kangarooboo.com/product/details/2920-Innovative-Kids-Green-Start-Giant-Floor-Puzzle-Number-Hunt

Oh and then there is that tiny, cheap present that, originally, was Daddy’s, but we all know it’s Ari’s and Daddy’s now: the iPad II. Actually, we’re calling it a family present. I don’t use it, but it buys me some time when I need it most. Ari plays educational games on it, watches Netflix, takes pictures of whatever she builds with the Magna-tyles, and she Skypes with Nana. We’re finding that the iPad is a great thing to have when we’re traveling or when we’re incredibly exhausted but she isn’t. And Daddy gets to do all sorts of grownup stuff on it, of course.

I hope your holidays were enjoyable and as low stress as possible!

All about healthy carbs!

2011-12-29T21:30:00.001-05:00

We're big fans of carbs over here! We love white flour, breads, cakes, pasta, you name it. But I am aware that less is better and that whole grains are the way to go, of course. So, here I am, trying new grains on all of us, seeing what we like, what our sometimes picky taste buds tolerate!

Here is what I have tried during the past few months:

We (as in Ari and I) have been eating whole wheat pasta for a long time now.

Ari and Daddy don't care for brown rice, so I don't make it often.

whole wheat and coconut flour buttermilk pancakes

oatmeal chocolate chip muffins (oats and whole wheat flour)

waffles (half of the flour whole wheat and half white flour)

zucchini bread (2/3 whole wheat flour, 1/3 white flour)

carrot cake (half whole wheat flour, half white flour)

chocolate cake (quinoa, no flour whatsoever)

What I've learned thus far:
We don't care for the taste of whole wheat flour. So I add extra vanilla/sugar to make it tolerable.

I am experimenting with coconut flour, but that is a whole other learning process. You can't use too much of it in a recipe. It absorbs a lot of fluid. You must add additional fluids. Let's just say that you can ruin a recipe very easily!

This has and continues to be quite the learning process. But I keep on trying because it is totally worth it. Next? Will probably try almond flour. Will continue to research/try different whole grain flours in the hopes that we can stay away from the yucky whole wheat flour taste! If you have any tips, please feel free to share!

Dentist Appointments and Dental X-rays

2011-12-29T20:30:00.002-05:00

I debated when the right timing for the first dentist appointment would be. I waited until it seemed like Ari would feel comfortable. So many people get incredibly anxious about seeing a dentist. I figured let's try to have positive experiences so that when she is a grownup, hopefully, she will feel at ease and will take care of her health. We brush, floss, etc. and her teeth seemed fine, so I opted not to rush it.

Ari's first appointment was in June. At that appointment, she learned about brushing properly and she learned about some of the tools dentists use. The hygienist and the dentist took a peak at her teeth. She got to pick a toy at the end. That was it.

Six months later, last week, was Ari's first official dentist appointment. Her teeth were cleaned, polished, flossed, etc. The dentist did the 3-minute exam. Crunchy Mama, i.e., me, turned down the x-ray.

My after thoughts:

Ari was very comfortable throughout the entire appointment both times. She was very excited to go to the dentist, particularly the second time, as a matter of fact.

I'll insert a funny here. Daddy had to wake Ari up so we would get to the appointment ontime. It was a slow process. Once he reminded her about the dentist, she got up instantly and talked about how she would be getting a new tooth brush. Whatever works, kid! You'd think we never buy her new tooth brushes!

Back to timing, I like to think that us preparing her for it, talking about it in a casual manner the day before was helpful. Also, there is a DVD where Elmo goes to his pediatrician that Ari loves to watch every now and then. I remember the first time she watched it. It made her remember her ear infection last March. It raised some questions about her upcoming (at the time) 4-year-old checkup and vaccines. All in all, Elmo's trip to the pediatrician was a very positive addition to our family!

Going back to the dentist appointments, I think the way the first appointment was run, with very low expectations, was very crafty. I think the appointments ought to be closer together, as opposed to the six months they recommended. Little kids remember a lot of things. But, Ari didn't remember too much about it. If I was to do it again, I may request that the appointments are only a month apart or so.

My last thought has to do with x-rays. The dentist and the hygienist recommended an x-ray. It felt like the dentist was pushing it a fair bit. I asked about their reasoning for it. Their response was that the x-ray would let them see how her adult teeth are developing, if they're all there, etc. My thought: ok, then what? What are the odds that a tooth is not developing well or that a tooth is missing? Why expose my child? If a tooth was, indeed, not developing properly or missing, what could we or would we do about it now? I didn't get a convincing answer, so I said we would discuss it again next June.

What do you think? Have you been offered this x-ray for your children? Have you learned anything about these x-rays that made you think you really ought to consent to doing them? Any websites or articles you would like to share? I will be researching this, but, seeing as how the appointment is not until June, it's just not high priority right now. Ari is home and so computer time is limitted until next week!

Ari Funnies

2011-11-24T09:56:00.001-05:00

Seeing as how today is Thanksgiving, I'll start with that story. Monday morning Ari told me, for the first time this school year, that she did not want to go to school. I told her that this would be a very short week because of Thanksgiving. I explained what Thanksgiving and I told her that I am thankful for my family, our home, etc., etc. Her response: I am very thankful for my mommy! And I am very thankful for my mommy's boobies! I guess that is what happens when you do extended breastfeeding and/or child-led weaning! Don't worry; she knows these conversations only happen at home!

I am a fan of eating with my fingers. And I am not afraid to admit it! Same goes for my child! Daddy, on the other hand, often tells us that we are barbarians! The other day Ari was having pancakes for breakfast. Suddenly, she informed her dad that "I'm going to be a barbarian now because it's easier!" I was so proud! And Daddy rolled his eyes, I'm sure!

Lastly, we have a hair stylist and a trend-setter in the family! Arianna gave herself a haircut the other day. I will admit that I was quite mythed at the time. She has long, gorgeous hair and I love combing it every morning! But, whatever. Most children do this, even kids with very short hair. Those with short hair will find someone with long hair and help her/him do it! That is what my brother and sister did, anyways!

I need to take pictures and share them! She now has multiple lengths near her left ear!

What mischievous thing has your child done recently?

Work Share

2011-11-21T20:41:00.002-05:00

Last Thursday was Work Share day for Ari's classroom. I got to spend the first half hour of the school day with her. Unfortunately, Daddy got to stay in the car to avoid sharing germs. The germs most likely came from the classroom, but never you mind that.

We got to work on two different activities. The first activity was described to me as "pressure cylinders." We worked on it on one of the typical Montessori floor rugs. There were about ten wooden cylinders, each one with a knob on it. She pushed down on each knob, would analyze and remember what type of pressure she sensed and would find the matching cylinder.

The second activity turned out to be many activities lumped into one. Ari got a small sheet of paper, a color pencil and a triangle inset. She used the inset to trace a perfect triangle. She then returned the inset and came back with the "push pin" activity.

The "push pin activity" was fascinating in various ways, I felt like. There was a tray. There was a thin sponge. There was a thumb tack in a tiny basket. Ari placed a paper on the sponge. She poked holes on the paper, following the lines of the triangle. Once she traced the entire triangle, she ripped it out. I found this activity to be particularly fascinating. It kept Ari engaged for quite a while. Stuff you could get at the dollar store! Who needs fancy toys when you're four?!

This is where it gets super cute! Ari said that she was saving the triangle for Daddy, that it would be a special surprise, that she would give it to him when she came home. Why? Because when people are sick, giving them hugs and cards makes them feel a little better. She proceeded to draw on it for a while. She later gave it to her dad.

We love Work Share days! I get a glimpse of what is going on in the classroom, what she is currently drawn to. She gets to show us, often beaming, what she is currently working on, what her latest accomplishments are. For example, during one of the work share days in October, we got to see her do the "100 board." She is fascinated by numbers and counting at the moment.

Article: Myth: Punishments and Rewards Are Effective Ways of Reinforcing Desired Behaviors.

2011-11-21T09:21:00.002-05:00

Just something to think about:
http://www.thewellspring.com/flex/discipline/2326/myth-punishments-and-rewards-are-effective-ways-of-reinforcing-desired-behaviors.cfm

Since I'm sharing the idea that rewards don't work in the long-term, I better give you an article that tells you just what the hell to do instead, right?! I will, maybe next year, but I will!!!

Article: 40 Ways to Show Your Child Love

2011-11-21T09:11:00.002-05:00

Some great ideas in this article. Check it out!

http://www.themotherhuddle.com/40-ways-to-show-your-child-love/

What do I do/what will I be doing today to show that cute kid our love?
Snuggle when she first wakes up

Make her the chocolate waffles she has been requesting

Hug/kiss her when I pick her up at school

Tell her that, yes, we have a few minutes and so she can play at the playground another five minutes

Play a game on the ride home

Remind myself to spend one-on-one time with her, perhaps doing artwork or making pizza out of playdough

get her involved when I'm preparing dinner.

Snuggle and read stories before bed

What sorts of things do you typically do with your kids? What do you hope to do today to show him/her you love him/her to pieces?

Just a mama reflecting after a hard day...

2011-11-14T18:38:00.000-05:00

Nothing like a hard day to get me to write…

The day has only been going downhill. All of us have been getting through a lovely chest cold. Usually my colds are mild; this one is making my asthma act up, something that, typically, only happens if I spend an hour at a house with cats.

Let me backtrack for a minute. I just got through a head cold. Ari had the head cold and a stomach bug. We were well for all of three-five days. Gotta love preschool classrooms!

Chest cold or not, laundry needs to get done, groceries need to be bought, the child needs to be picked up from school, etc., etc. My mother and I picked Ari up at school. We had been in the car for all of about five minutes when she said, in a whining tone, something like "grandma has had a long turn. I want a turn too." Ok, no big deal. I like time to reconnect with my child after school, too. But, wait, why the whining? And, wait, she was busy having her snack. She never communicated that she wanted to talk. I figured I'd give her some time. She is always hungry when I pick her up.

The minute the whining begins I find myself feeling fairly frustrated. It is probably a combination of the fact that I feel lousy, that I have a horrible headache and that Ari and Grandma aren't getting along and I can't figure out how to make it better. Ari doesn't want to talk to her. She is rude about it at times. Grandma's way of dealing with her is very different than mine. She either snaps and makes angry gestures or cries. There is no in between. Now, that happens. We're human. I'm having one of those moments right this second. But, for goodness' sakes, the kid is four and grandma is almost 50. Who is the grownup here? How about we spend some time reading/educating ourselves/trying a new strategy seeing as how the current one isn't working?

Moving on... I talk to Ari about being kind. But I do a pathetic job hiding my frustration. So, what does she say? "Mommy, you're yelling at me. You yell at me all the time."

Wait, what? What did she say? Did she really say that? Yes, she did. Mama is sick, tired and frustrated. Mama was so sad. Mama almost felt heartbroken. I am well aware that I am nowhere near perfect. But if there is something I work very hard at and something that I am very passionate about it is to treat that little girl right, with love, with respect, setting boundaries in a way that will not have a negative impact on our relationship. I think the last time I actually yelled at her she had just turned two. By "yell" she means that I sounded incredibly frustrated, snappy.

All this is no big deal, really. Tomorrow will be a new day. I will feel better. We will talk about whatever comes up and everything will be fine. But, for a while there I really did feel sad.

What to do about it? I gave myself time to feel angry. I gave myself time to feel sad. I realized that a few hours had gone by and I was still feeling that sense of disconnection. I decided to fake it until I felt it. I gave her a long hug. I do want to talk about it and I will, but I will wait until I don't have a splitting headache.

Children's Fair

2011-10-22T17:44:00.001-04:00

Just got back from the children's fair at Ari's school a little while ago. I'm so tired I hurt! But the kids had so much fun! And it is always wonderful to run into parents I wish I got to see more often.

Let's see… What did Ari do? She is currently walking, I mean, running around with a shark on her face. She painted a pumpkin. She did a stamping activity, i.e. lots of ink on one sheet of paper! She made an alligator with Nana. She went on two pony rides. She spent a few minutes in the bounce house. She pet rabbits. She fed llamas. Her hair got licked by a llama!

Both grandmas and my nephew joined us. Daddy got to stay home and enjoy some quiet time. I got to see how all the hard work of about ten moms, including myself, paid off. What a wonderful event! Many families had a blast and the scholarship fund is a bit larger after today. Success!

What fun things have you done with your child(ren) recently? I'm hoping our next big thing will be a trip to Boston. Hint, hint, Yaminette! How is that calendar looking?!

Oh, I'm afraid to type it, but there is a rumor Daddy and I get to go on a date tonight! Ari wants to sleep at Grandma's because her cousin will be there. I know there is a great chance we'll be picking her up at 3:00 a.m. But I don't care! We haven't gone anywhere child free in so long. I can't even remember when the last time was!

Ari's Fourth Birthday

2011-10-16T14:00:00.001-04:00

I never posted about Ari's birthday party and it happened a month ago. Oops! Let's get that done before I start forgetting the details.

Where to start? We celebrated Ari's fourth birthday on Sunday, September 18, on our back yard. There were almost 40 people here! About 17 of them were little ones. I think about nine of them were age four. Yes, we had a preschool here for a few hours! It was nice to have several families from her classroom, the neighbors, the grandparents, and one of my closest friends spend the day with us celebrating.

We had pizza, fruit and juice for lunch. The kids played for about an hour on the yard. After that, they came inside to enjoy a puppet show courtesy of Nana. After the show, she helped each child make his/her own puppet using recycled materials. Bless her heart! She is an art teacher, she loves kids, Ari is the only grandchild and Nana only had boys. So she would do just about anything for our little girl! We lucked out in the mother-in-law/grandma department.

After the puppet madness, we went back outside for cake and the piñata. Picture this: 17 kids excited about cake and a piñata. It was loud, but a lot of fun!

All the kids went home happy because they got to make puppets and Ari was happy as can be about having her friends over and about her Hello Kitty party.

After everyone went home, we went to a nearby park and had dinner with our Boston friends.

The next day, Monday, we celebrated at school. The Montessori school Ari attends has a "celebration of life" for each child when his/her birthday comes up. It is very simple, but beautiful. I love it.

A sun is placed on the ground. The birthday child walks around it holding a globe. While the child walks, the parents talk about some of the highlights of each year. Ari got to walk around four times and we told the kids about how she loved eating beans when she was one, how she loved balloons when she was two, how she loved going to the water park when she was three, etc. After that, we shared grapes and crackers with the kids.

All in all, everyone had a great time. I am sure we will be doing it again next September!

Feeling nostalgic today...

2011-10-16T13:40:00.000-04:00

Just came across Ari's ultrasound photo. If I remember correctly, I was about 17 weeks. Bittersweet. On the one hand, that was a wonderful time. She is here with us, happy and healthy. That makes me smile. I am incredibly grateful for my beautiful, happy, low-stress family of three.

All that being said, I am also feeling incredibly nostalgic. Will I ever get to experience that again? No idea whatsoever. We tried for months and it didn't happen. We think about it. We would like her to have a sibling. But there is a lot of ambivalence. So much ambivalence. It drives me nuts at times!

I think about adjusting all over again, about family dynamics. I think and wonder about what kind of mother and wife I will be if/when I become the mother of a school age child and an infant. It's no secret that being sleep deprived does crazy things to us. I think about Daddy. He is the bread winner. He works almost 50 hours every week. He always makes time for Ari in the mornings and in the evenings. What would it look like if he was working, making time for her, and making time for a new baby? I want my husband to be a happy, balanced man. I want him to still get some time to "boy out"!

I think about how we have fallen in love with the Montessori philosophy. We really believe in it and we see results. Our child is thriving. We can afford it. What about two tuitions? No way to know, I know. There is no way to know where we will be in four or five years when the potential new baby is ready for preschool.

My guess is that I'm feeling particularly aware of our financial situation because we're in the process of spending thousands of dollars in necessary home improvement projects. We own a duplex. Good news: having a tenant helps with the mortgage a great deal. Bad news: twice as much crap to fix! When you have to come up with close to $5,000 out of the blue, well, you feel a little stressed out!

Sometimes I wish we could just say let's do it, let's get pregnant, and things will come together. It will all work out somehow. But neither of us works that way.

Rant over. Thanks for hearing me out if you made it this far. If we ever make a final decision I will share. In the meantime, I continue to daydream about three potential scenarios: remaining a family of three, getting pregnant or adopting. Yes, I still think about adopting, but, let's face it. The only way we could adopt would be to adopt via DCF and that means a serious roller coaster ride for my entire family.

If you feel like sharing about family dynamics, either what you witness as a parent or your experiences as a sibling, I would be happy to hear about it. Email me if that would be your preference. Johannafsilva at gmail

Hey you, age four, you suck!

2011-10-06T20:23:00.000-04:00

Oh, age four, how you're kicking my ass!!! Here I was thinking I was out of the woods because my child was the sweetest 2-year-old I've ever seen! Yeah, right! Life has a sense of humor!

Let me fill you in. Ari turned four on September 18, less than three weeks ago. She is a very sweet, compassionate, helpful child. She is fairly self-centered at times, but what little kid isn't? We're working on that, explaining to her that she doesn't always get to go first, that we take turns, that all of us get to have choices. I refuse to let my child become the stereotypical only child. I believe that the way we raise our child will have a huge impact on who she will become. I believe in treating my child with love and respect, the same way I want to be treated. I believe in setting boundaries lovingly and with empathy. Hell, I'll just put it out there. I've moved away from the whole consequences thing. My beliefs have shifted and I now believe that communicating and remaining connected will do us all better than imposing a consequence that is just going to embarrass her or piss her off. I have a lot to share about that ongoing journey. I promise I will get to it some day. For now, I will share that I set firm boundaries, that when she cries, stumps or tells me that she is angry and that I hurt her feelings, I tell her that it is ok to cry, that I understand her feelings and that I am right here, ready to hug her when she is ready.

All that makes it sound like we live in a perfect, easy little world, I know. I'll share a story about today and you'll see how this is a work in progress for me.

You see, starting last Friday, my sweet, not-so-little child and I have been finding ourselves getting into power struggles usually once a day. Thus far, these lovely episodes last anywhere from one to twenty-five minutes. One time we spent just under ten minutes in a restaurant restroom because I insisted that she sit on the potty to prevent an accident. Let me take a minute to add that, of all the times I've insisted on her using the potty, there was exactly one time when only drops came out and not a big pee. Today we had an episode, for lack of a better word, that lasted almost half an hour because she wanted to have some chocolate. What is the big deal? Grandma had already given her some chocolate. Our rule is one treat after dinner. Also, given the fact she is giving me hell about eating a balanced diet, I want to make sure I don't overdo it when it comes to junk food.

Back to today's big event, she did not cry the whole time. She alternated between stumping, lying down on the floor, crying, temporarily calming down, and saying things like "I'm sad. I'm angry. You hurt my feelings. You're not doing what I want you to do."

When these power struggles began I was feeling quite drained when it was all said and done. Today I felt fine, despite the fact that this was by far the longest. I don't know if I'm growing up, if I got enough sleep or if I was just having a good day today. Little girl, don't try me next week. All bets are off, ask daddy!!! Just kidding, well, kind of!!!

At any rate, I guess the moral of the story is that parenting is a never-ending learning process, that certain behaviors are developmentally appropriate and so they will come up no matter what, and that, what matters in the end, is to get through it the best you know how so that at the end of it your family is still feeling connected and intact. Yes, there are times when we will lose it. We're human. Let's just make sure that we apologize when we have to, even if it means apologizing to a four-year-old. Lastly, let's try very hard to always end the day in a positive note. For us, this means "no, you can't watch Daddy play his game, but we can do a family hug."

Peace Day 2011

2011-10-04T18:08:00.001-04:00

The Montessori school Ari attends celebrated Peace Day on September 21. Peace Day was established in 1981. It is my understanding that many Montessori schools around the world begun celebrating Peace Day after September 11th happened by gathering at 11:00 a.m. to sing "Light a Candle for Peace."

I missed the event last year. After seeing the video I was really kicking myself. It was absolutely beautiful. Many people I showed the video to felt that it was just silly hippy stuff. They got turned off by the many peace signs.

I have to say now that I have attended the event I love it even more. The entire school gathered outside, preschoolers, elementary school kids, teachers, staff, and a significant number of parents. Several of the older kids shared what peace means to them. The kids sang several songs about peace. They also sang several songs about different emotions, positive and negative, how to cope with them, how to approach their peers when they find themselves in a tense situation. Now, tell me that isn't brilliant? Tiny kids are practicing their developing social skills in the classroom and they get the reinforcement by singing about it. Us parents should learn the songs and sing them to ourselves and our children at home!

So, no, it's not "hippy shit"!

Check out this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlAAKk7c4RY

Yummy Pancakes

2011-10-03T20:22:00.002-04:00

My child recently became obsessed with pancakes! I have tried a few recipes. Here is our favorite recipe thus far. As usual, I tweaked the recipe until it was both quite yummy and still healthy.

Ingredients

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup whole wheat flour
4 tablespoons white sugar
3 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
2.5 cups buttermilk
1 cup milk
3 eggs
1/3 cup olive oil

Directions

1. In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. In a separate bowl, beat together buttermilk, milk, eggs and olive oil. Keep the two mixtures separate until you are ready to cook.
2. Heat a lightly oiled griddle or frying pan over medium high heat. You can flick water across the surface and if it beads up and sizzles, it's ready!
3. Pour the wet mixture into the dry mixture, using a wooden spoon or fork to blend. Stir until it's just blended together. Do not over stir! Pour or scoop the batter onto the griddle, using approximately 1/2 cup for each pancake. Brown on both sides and serve hot. We love adding whipped cream and strawberries! Ari likes the strawberries on the side. When Harry Met Sally, anyone?! No, I'm typically not into "chick flicks," but I did love that one when I was a teenager!

Birthday Present Ideas for a Four-Year-Old

2011-09-11T20:36:00.000-04:00

I’m thinking birthday presents for Ari and I’m just not sure what to get her this time. Typically, I like to get her things that are fun for her, educational, age appropriate and that Daddy and I will not get terribly bored with. Quality and reasonably priced are also high on the list.

She likes when we read stories.

She loves anything art.

She likes puzzles.

She loves pretend games.

I’m considering this:
http://buildadreamplayhouses.com/shop/snack-shack/

I am also thinking of getting a few new books. We are reading in Spanish every night now. The books don’t have to be in Spanish, though. I can translate on the fly very easily. Also, Spanish books would not be Daddy friendly, as funny as it would be to listen to him read in Spanish to her!

What is your four-year-old enjoying these days? What do you think about the snack shack on the link above? Have you come across a list of preschooler-friendly books?

My question of the week...

2011-09-11T20:15:00.002-04:00

Couldn't figure out what a good title would be, sorry!

My big question at the moment: just why the hell is my child almost completely uninterested in spending time with me lately?

I’ll explain. We just got back from a seven-day vacation where Ari and daddy did tons of playing together. They went to pools. They pretended they were sharks, dolphins and octopuses. We went to the beach. Ari was in heaven because she had unlimited access to her dad, which is usually not the case. Someone has to go make money, right?

Ari and I did spend time together on our vacation, just not nearly as much as her and her dad did. He is a lot funnier and creative than me, I get it. And I am fine with that, honestly. Actually, I am very happy and grateful. They have a beautiful relationship.

All that being said, now that we’re home, pretty much nothing I do interests her. Let’s do laundry together. No thanks. Let’s play. No thanks. Let’s go get some chocolate. I’ll wait with daddy in the car. Let’s get you in the bath. A big, persistent no.

All day, all her and I have done together is have lunch and talk about her upcoming birthday party. Very unusual. I miss my baby and daddy is exhausted and craving quiet time.

We’ve talked to her about it and all we can get out of her is “I want to be with my daddy.”

I know this will pass. I know it’s not a big deal. I know it’s only a matter of days. I just wonder why it happens.

I keep reminding myself that this is nothing, but nearly weepy premenstrual me forgets sometimes. Damn hormones! They’re totally not working in my favor at the moment. They don’t want me getting pregnant and they make me want to cry. Freaking awesome.

I’m done whining, I promise!

Current Topics of Conversation at Our Home

2011-08-31T23:49:00.002-04:00

What’s with talking about genitals, pee and poo?! I remember my nephew doing it a few months back. I saw my friend’s 4-year-old son doing it. Now it’s our turn to listen to our child talk about bums, boobies, etc. She will tell you who has what. She will point to you and say things like "that's your bum!" She finds ways to mention pee and poo in random conversations.

Developmentally appropriate, I get it. It will pass, I know that too. I'm just curious as to why kids do this. And I'm really hoping that she doesn't decide to talk or sing about it in a big place full of people, just like my sister did when she was three!

Picture this! All of us, a family of five, were at my mother's postpartum checkup after my little brother was born. Out of the blue, my sister started singing about how men have penuses! Yeah, that's what kids do!

I decided to not make a big deal out of it, but to address in a matter-of-fact way. I talked to Ari about it and said that we can talk about body parts at home. She got it. How do I know? Because today, while we were walking in downtown Amherst, she said "mommy, I need to tell you a secret. I love your boobies!"

Here is to hoping that our preschool age children can talk about bums at home!

Carseat Update

2011-08-31T23:37:00.002-04:00

Short version: we ended up keeping the Graco Nautilus.

One complaint I have about this carseat, this model, anyways, is that it has the cover and a separate piece of fabric that serves as padding. It has holes to put the shoulder straps through, but only for shorter kids. So I took it off. Well, that is when Ari began saying it wasn't comfortable. I put it back on the car seat, but it is annoying because it is not attached to the seat in any way. It's not a big deal or anything. It's just an inconvenience when you are in a rush and you have to take an extra second to make sure the padding isn't bunched up.

One pro about the padding: if the child has an accident, you remove and wash only the pad. No need to remove the seat cover, which would be a pain because you would need to uninstall and reinstall the seat.

Other than my one complaint, I am happy with the seat. Now she is comfortable. The seat has excellent safety ratings. It has the infamous cup holder. It cost us only $150. And it was easy to install it. So the Graco Nautilus will be our child's seat until she is done with carseats, me thinks!

Bed time is the perfect time to reconnect with our cute kiddos!

2011-08-31T12:21:00.000-04:00

I really shouldn’t be blogging right now. A big consulting project dropped on my lap a week ago. I have been working every day since then. We are going on vacation in three days. Nothing is ready! The house is a mess. Haven’t done laundry. Packing? I’ll do that on Friday night for a 7:10 a.m. flight on Saturday!

See why I shouldn’t be blogging? But I have to because I just read an awesome article that I felt was very moving and accurate. I felt the need to share it with you. I figure these articles have had a very positive impact on my family. If any of them help great things happen for your family also, then, this is definitely worth my time!

The article proposes that bedtime is moved up a bit so that there is time for the parent and the child to talk about the day. Why? What is the big deal? When we wine down and relax, it is easier to talk about what is in our minds, whether it is positive thoughts, a concern, a fear, frustration, etc.

Go read her article. It is beautifully written.
http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=204848&A=SearchResult&SearchID=2721254&ObjectID=204848&ObjectType=55

Ari and I usually spend the first 15 or 20 minutes of our day in bed together, snuggling and talking. I won’t tell you what she primarily talks about. Ok, I will. What the hell! She is obsessed with boobies! She loves them. She tells me that she loves them. Sometimes, she says she wants to hug them. I guess that is one of those things that kids who do extended breastfeeding do. Whatever.

We spend a bit of time with Daddy in the morning too. Starting the day off like that is priceless. I don’t know if we will be able to keep doing that when school starts, but we will sure try. I am thinking I will move bedtime up a bit so we can get a bit of time to chat with our chatty child at night and a bit of time first thing in the morning too.

Article: What if five minutes of play could change your life?

2011-08-30T18:54:00.002-04:00

I know I've said this 30 times, but I have to say it again. This woman's articles are priceless.

Check this out:
http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=204802&A=SearchResult&SearchID=2719308&ObjectID=204802&ObjectType=55

Article: The Old Parenting Paradigm

2011-08-15T14:57:00.001-04:00

Great read on discipline and parenting:
http://www.teach-through-love.com/old-parenting-paradigm.html

"We need to commit to our children and to ourselves. Resolve to enjoy the journey and not focus solely on the demands of the outside world. We must promise to be present for our children and to give them our full attention and not our total frustration."

Easier said than done, I know. But it is doable! We don't need to strive to be perfect. We just need to keep trying and to say "I made a mistake; I am sorry." when we lose our cool.

It's all about the cup holder!

2011-08-13T17:32:00.001-04:00

We got Ari’s new carseat, the Graco Nautilus, installed the other day.
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3980774&prodFindSrc=search

Ari was looking forward to trying out her new carseat. But now she is saying it is uncomfortable. “My back and bum are not comfortable”!

I told her we would try it for a few more days and if it is still uncomfortable, we will get a different seat. I am thinking Britax Frontier:
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4400753

I am not happy about this. We’re talking another $100! But I need to make sure she is comfortable because her little bum will be on that seat until she is 57 inches tall!

Back to Ari’s feelings on this whole ordeal. I showed her a photo of the Britax Frontier. Her response: does it have a cup holder?

The kid has had a cup holder for all of about 72 hours and she already can’t live without it?! Silly child!

Here is to hoping that that little bum gets used to the new carseat!

By the way, have I mentioned lately that having a kid that can talk and verbalize how she feels about things is so incredibly awesome?!

UV protecting clothes rock!

2011-08-13T16:56:00.002-04:00

UV protecting clothes are clothes that protect you from UV rays. Duh! Why do I love them? Because it means we spend less time putting goopy stuff all over ourselves.

You will see that these stores carry ¾ and even long sleeve shirts. Don’t let that scare you off. It’s like wearing a swimsuit, but you don’t get a sunburn! No, you will not be hot or uncomfortable.

Here is my current go-to store:
http://www.uvskinz.com/catalog.aspx

I got a shirt and shorts for Ari and they are great. Excellent quality. Just got her outfit for next summer and a shirt and shorts for myself from the clearance section!

Yes, UV protecting clothes are pricy, but this is the case wherever you go. It is worth it to spend the money. Skin cancer sucks.

At UV Skinz, you can check out the clearance section, Deep End Discounts, and you may find what you are looking for. I just got Ari a shirt, shorts, and a sun hat for $29, for example. My shirt and shorts were $41. I could have spent that much on a swimsuit, but, this way, I won’t get a sunburn!

If you or your kids are in need of UV protecting clothes, check them out! Here is a code that will get you 20% off your order: EOS2011.

No, I am not getting paid to post about this or getting free clothes for my child! I just like to share anything I have found to be helpful.

A Bit of Carseat Knowledge

2011-08-11T20:37:00.003-04:00

Today we had Ari's new carseat installed by a professional.

Here is what I learned today:
Most cars' latch systems support a child up to 48 pounds. Once your child reaches 48 pounds, reinstall the carseat using a seatbelt. Or use the seatbelt the first time around if that is your preference.

We opted to use the latch system for as long as we can because people accidentally undo the seatbelt. It happened so many times with our infant seat! Reinstalling a carseat using the seatbelt is so much more time-consuming than using the latches!

Our trip to Boston

2011-08-07T21:23:00.000-04:00

Ari and I went on a little trip this weekend. She was very much looking forward to having a sleepover at her friend N’s place in Boston!

We took a bus to Boston yesterday. Crayons, paper, the Scribble and Write and DVD’s came with us, just in case. Turns out the crayons, paper, looking out the window and talking to mommy were enough!

I will take a minute here to share just how sweet and helpful my Amor Chiquito is. South Station in Boston, to me, is a bit of a maze and is quite dark. Given my very limited eyesight, it is hard for me to navigate. As soon as we got off the bus, Ari went to where the driver had piled up luggage and grabbed her car seat. She then started walking. I asked where she was going. “Walking to the door, mama.” Once we got inside I asked her if she saw any benches. She found us chairs. Once we were settled in, she went back to being her almost-4-year-old self, playing, spinning and all that fun stuff.

Traveling with Ari was more than a breeze. It was an opportunity to see the type of little person she is becoming. I am incredibly grateful for that silly and sweet child! The fact that she is, voluntarily, so helpful is very touching for me.

Back to our fun trip, we had a delicious lunch with my friend Yaminette and her not-so-little guy. Ari decided that she loves rice with mango curry sauce. How could you not?! It has been nice to see her try and like new, often spicy foods.

The kids got to play lots – trains, painting, the park, writing with chalk, you name it!

Today we went to the aquarium. Ari had not been before. She was very excited about seeing sharks and sea turtles! She told Daddy all about it on the ride home from the bus station, in fact.

She got to pick something at the store at the aquarium and she went for the pink octopus. I could have sworn she would go for the shark puppet given her many shark games, but she was all about the octopus today.

Thank you, Yaminette, for an awesome weekend! Ari is already wondering when we will have another sleepover. She was asking me five minutes after she got on the bus!

Oh, if you are wondering what went wrong I’d say that my personal, living alarm going off around 5:00 a.m. was it! "Mommy, I have energy. Look, it’s daytime!"

If your pitcher isn't full, there's no way you can fill your child's cup.

2011-08-05T19:14:00.002-04:00

I know I have said it before and I'll say it again. This woman is amazing and very inspiring! Check out this article. It is not about parenting. It is about the importance of self care and how to squeeze it in.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/BlogRetrieve.aspx?PostID=201607&A=SearchResult&SearchID=2608163&ObjectID=201607&ObjectType=55

Graco Nautilus 3-in-1 it is!

2011-08-03T14:55:00.001-04:00

After doing some research last night and this morning, I decided on the Graco Nautilus. Here are some of the reasons why:

It has the highest rating on Consumer Reports in the convertible/booster seat category.

Ari can use the harness system until she is 52 inches tall or 65 pounds. Then she can use it as a booster seat until she is 57 inches tall or 100 pounds. In other words, this is our last car seat for her!

It is super easy to buckle and unbuckle. It does not seem to get stuck like the Evenflo in Abuela’s car does.

Possible cons:

It looks like adjusting the shoulder straps may be a bit time-consuming.

It is bulky and on the heavy side (20 pounds).

I decided to go ahead and get it because we won’t need to adjust the straps often. Also, we have one kid, maybe two, at most, some day! Even if we have another child, we can accommodate two seats in the Corolla easily. No room for the grandmas, but that is ok!

I lucked out! I went to a store to look at a few car seats. It turns out they were giving out 20% off coupons! Yay!

Let's talk car seats!

2011-08-02T21:19:00.003-04:00

Parents of older toddlers/preschoolers, what car seat is your child in? Or what car seat are you thinking of getting when your child outgrows the one s/he is in at the moment? Tell me about the pros and cons, please!

Ari is, and has been for the past three years, in the Britax Roundabout 40. We love all about it. It has excellent safety ratings. It is easy to buckle and unbuckle, which is not always the case. The Evenflo I got for Abuela’s car often gets stuck, for example. The seat is not bulky. We drive a Corolla, so these things matter a bit! Lastly, Ari finds her car seat comfortable. She never complains about it.

My one and only complaint about the Britax Roundabout is the price tag, but what are you going to do?! We have been using it for three years and putting her in and out of it every day is always a breeze. That is worth something!

Oh, one more thing I would change about the Britax Roundabout 40… It would be nice if I did not need to uninstall the seat to adjust the shoulder straps when Ari grows a few inches. We’re pretty picky about car seat installation around here, so every time the car seat is uninstalled, it is reinstalled by a professional. In other words, schedule an appointment, wait a few days, a half an hour drive, wait and watch for about another half an hour, etc., etc. Not complaining at all, by the way. I am beyond grateful that local hospitals and police departments do this free of charge.

All in all, I am very happy with my choice way back when she was about 11 months old.

Anyways, I noticed today that when she sits down her head is taller than the car seat. Time to look at the booklet attached to the car seat to see what the maximum height is. 40 inches. Want to guess what my child’s height is? Yup, 40 inches!

It turns out that the guidelines are that either the child is up to 40 inches tall or the top of the child’s ears cannot be taller than the seat. There is a bit of head sticking out, but not the ears! Yay!

Technically, I have a few months. But I opted to begin my research sooner rather than later. This way I do not make a rushed decision and I can take my time bargain hunting. Some of the seats with the best safety ratings are close to $300, so you better believe I will be bargain hunting!

So far, after about 20 minutes of research, I am looking at Britax and Sunshine seats. Don’t know which seats, specifically, yet.

Article: Pre-empt Whining

2011-08-01T23:11:00.001-04:00

Another awesome article from Dr. Laura Markham at ahaparenting.com:
http://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/preschoolers/Life-Preschooler/pre-empt-whining

Whole Wheat Zucchini Bread Recipe

2011-07-31T23:28:00.001-04:00

Good news: we have been getting zucchini from the farm the past three or four weeks. I have come up with a zucchini bread recipe that is healthy, yummy, and that everyone loves.

Bad news: so many people want zucchini bread! All the time! And I hate grating! Should I start charging for it?!

Here is my recipe:

Ingredients

2 cups whole wheat flour
1 cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon baking powder
3 eggs
2 cups white sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
½ cup sour cream
1 cup olive oil
3 cups grated zucchini

Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).

Sift together flour, salt, baking soda, cinnamon, baking powder.

Beat eggs. Add and mix well sugar, vanilla, sour cream and oil. Add zucchini to egg mixture. Add dry ingredients, mixing well.

Pour into 9” x 13” pan.

Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 1 hour.

Try it out and tell me what you think!

Some funny and sweet Ari remarks...

2011-07-23T23:28:00.000-04:00

Just a few little moments I don’t want to forget…

The other day Ari and I were snuggling after a nap. By the way, naps are a big deal around here. She only naps once or twice a month these days. I don’t push it because if she naps she is up until 11 p.m. But it sure is nice to get a little break to nap or get some computer time in!

Back to the day she napped, Ari and I had the following conversation:

Me: Do you know what my favorite thing to do is?

Ari: What?

Me: Hugging you. I love hugging you!

Ari: I love my neighbors!

Me: Thinking to myself. Thanks! WTF! I know she loves the neighbors and that’s great, but…!

Now a sweet story. Ari really wanted to have oatmeal before bed. We usually do quick snacks, but I figured oatmeal is healthy, so why not? I made her oatmeal and I sat with her at the dining table. We try to eat together as often as possible and she is so used to it that she does not like to sit alone at the table.

Ari: I really love you sitting with me, mommy. I love it.

Very simple, but it made my day! I feel like we love our sweet and super silly child more and more every day! It really does get better and better, we feel like.

What sweet or funny remarks have your little ones made recently?

Our Latest Sleep Arrangements

2011-07-19T21:29:00.000-04:00

I was working on a lengthy post about our latest sleep-related transition. But it’s just not happening! Here is the short version!

Last week Abuela came over with homemade curtains for Ari’s window. She talked to Ari about sleeping in her bedroom. Ari seemed interested. I was not the least bit convinced! That being said…

For a week now, Ari has been starting out in her bedroom every night. She has been happy about it. There was not one tear or power struggle.

She created her own new night ritual. Her new night ritual includes some cuddles, two stories and me rubbing her back. Notice: it does not include boobs!

So, my next point! Yes, it is true! Child led weaning really does happen! We are down to only one feeding per day. It is a super quick feeding first thing in the morning. Basically, it is part of our morning cuddle time. I am surprised by this. I was positive that the just before bed feeding would be the last one to go. Furthermore, I anticipated it would take a long time or that it would be really hard on her if I pushed it.

Back to sleep arrangements, Ari spends about five hours in her bedroom before I hear “mama” or “mooooommy”! At that point, I should probably walk her back to her bed and wait until she falls asleep. Instead, we usually snuggle on the twin size mattress and end up cosleeping for the rest of the night.

Her starting out in her bedroom and us finishing the night cosleeping on a twin size mattress in her bedroom feels like the best of both worlds. She can sleep by herself. Us grownups get alone time in our bedroom. I still get to cuddle with my baby girl! There is nothing like falling asleep with her leg on my tummy! Lastly, I can either deal with multiple wakings after three a.m. or I can embrace it and enjoy the time snuggling with her.

Why does she get up in the middle of the night and call for me, you ask? She said that she gets afraid. We explained that she is safe, that mom and dad are always here, that she can call and one of us will always come.

She need not be afraid. However, I cannot control that. What I do have control over is how I react to it and how I help her conquer her fears. As far as I am concerned, meeting the emotional needs of that precious child life blessed me with is my #1 job.

Moral of the story: see, different things work for different people at different times! Go with your gut and do whatever works best for you and your children.

12 Ways to Help Your Child Build Self-Confidence

2011-07-19T12:08:00.002-04:00

Definitely worth reading!

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/12-ways-help-your-child-build-self-confidence

Article: 10 Alternatives to "Consequences" and Punishment

2011-07-01T14:25:00.002-04:00

Another wonderful article from AhaParenting.com. I have to say her writing has been validating, wonderful and life changing for me. I almost don't dare say it, but parenting really is a pleasant part of life 95% of the time for me. I am aware that, in part, I am lucky because Ari is very laid back and easy going. That being said, there is wonderful stuff in this article, so please check it out!

10 Alternatives to "Consequences" and Punishment

by Dr. Laura from AhaParenting.com

"Just throw the word "consequence" entirely out of your vocabulary and replace it with the term "problem-solving." -- Becky Eanes

"My 3.5yr old was sitting on the couch after bath wearing her towel and said NO about 5x to get in her pj's. I was busy w/ the baby and I heard my husband say "OK fine - no books then" and this quote popped into my head and I said "Hey! We've got a problem - it's bedtime and you need to be in your PJ's - How do YOU think we should solve it?" And just like that - she got a big grin her face, suggested we all clap our hands and march our feet and we formed a line right into her room - happily! Same thing for teeth brushing and potty later! Each time I said "Hey, great problem solving skills! Thank you!" And her response? "You're welcome mama - no problem!" - Carrie

Most parenting experts suggest that when children "misbehave" the best response is "consequences." Parents are told that letting children experience the consequences of their poor choices will teach them lessons. Makes sense, right?

Well, no.

I love actual consequences as a teacher. We all have to learn that if we don't remember our lunch, we'll go hungry.

But when most parents use consequences for discipline, they aren't the natural result of the child’s actions (“I forgot my lunch today so I was hungry”). Instead, they have become for children the threats they hear through their parents’ clenched teeth: “If I have to stop this car and come back there, there will be CONSEQUENCES!!”

In other words, Consequences mean Punishment. Whether you're threatening the loss of a privilege or a timeout, that is punishment. And punishment has been proven repeatedly to backfire in child-raising. Quite simply, punishment is not effective parenting, and it sabotages your child's development.

Worried about what you'll do without the threat of Consequences to keep your child cooperating? Next time your child refuses your guidance and you find yourself about to blurt out a threat, try one of these responses instead.

1. Let your child solve it. "You haven't brushed your teeth yet and I want to be sure we have time for a story. What can we do?" Like Carrie's child, it's amazing how children step into responsibility when we offer it. They love to help, and to solve puzzles. Sometimes they just need a little respect.

2. Partner for Win/win solutions. If your child doesn't offer a solution that works for you, explain why and help her come up with one. "You think you should just skip brushing teeth tonight? Hmm...that doesn't work for me because your poor teeth would stay germy and they could get little holes in them. What else could we do to get your teeth brushed and time for a story? Want to put your pjs on, and then brush?" Once your child believes that you're serious about win/win solutions, she's much more likely to work with you to find a solution that works for everyone.

3. Invite cooperation with your phrasing. Consider the difference in these approaches:

"Go brush your teeth now." - Since no one likes to be told what to do, a direct order like this often invites resistance, either directly or in the form of stalling.

"Can you go brush your teeth now?" - Many kids will reflect on this and just say No. Don't phrase your request in the form of a yes or no question unless you're willing to accept No for an answer.

"Do you want to brush your teeth now, or after you put your PJs on?" - This strategy works because you’re extending your child the respect of giving him some control, at the same time that you retain the responsibility of making the decisions you need to as his parent. Only offer options you can live with, of course.

"You may brush your teeth now." - Almost sounds like a privilege, doesn't it? This is a command, but a respectful one. Works especially well with kids who are over-stimulated by bedtime and overwhelmed by choices.

4. Ask for a Do-over. "Oops. I told you to brush your teeth and you ignored me and then I started to yell. I'm sorry. Let's try a do-over." This is a great way to interrupt things when you're headed down a bad road. Get down on your child's level and make a warm connection. Look in her eyes. Touch her. "Ok, let's try this again, Sweetie. It's teeth brushing time! How can we work as a team here to get your teeth brushed?"

5. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Think about what usually triggers problems for your child and take pre-emptive action.
Give ample warning before transitions
Always leave extra time to get anything done.
Sidestep power struggles and give her as much control over her life as possible so she doesn't need to rebel.
6. When your child defies you, focus on the relationship, rather than on discipline. A good relationship is your foundation; guidance doesn't work without it because your child stops caring about pleasing you. A child who is rude is either very upset, or expressing her need for a better relationship with you. In either case, "consequences" will make the situation worse. I'm not suggesting you put up with rudeness, just that you see it as a red flag to do some repair work on the relationship.

7. Make sure your expectations are age-appropriate.

A one year old needs a baby-proofed house, not to learn by consequences how to leave the DVD player alone.
A four year old needs your help to get through the bedtime routine, not to lose reading time with you when he gets distracted and dawdles.
A ten year old needs your help to make the homework routine into a habit that works for him, not to lose his TV privileges. (Although letting kids watch TV during the week will almost certainly lower their grades. But that's a lifestyle choice, not a punishment.)
8. Get to the root of the problem. Sometimes when kids defy us, they are asking for help with their emotions. You'll know this is happening when your child seems unhappy and is making you unhappy; when whatever you try just doesn't work. At those times, your child is showing you that he has some big feelings he needs to express, and he needs your help. He may be angry, or afraid, or sad. He may need to rage, or shake, or cry. So if you set a limit and your child defies you, forget about punishment and consequences. This is a red flag that he needs your help. Move in close, restate your limit, and let him have his meltdown. (For more info on how to do help your child with his feelings, click here.) After your child gets a chance to dissovle that hard knot of unhappy emotion, you'll find him completely cooperative.

9. Engage the brain. When humans are upset, our brains don't work as well because "fight or flight" takes over and thinking stops. Start by taking a deep breath and calming your own emotions. Then connect warmly with your child to restore her ability to think. Finally, invite her brain to engage by helping her understand what's happening:

"You are so upset. You were having so much fun playing with Daddy. Then he told you to go brush your teeth. You were mad, right? ...... Then Daddy said No story tonight. Right? .... Now you are sad and mad.... I am right here. I love you. Daddy loves you. Daddy was upset, too, but now he is here to hug you. ... Let's find a way that we can all have a good evening and feel good when we tuck you in to bed. Maybe we all need a Do-Over?"

This builds emotional intelligence in your child--and in your partner. And even if it doesn't get you all on the same page, at least it gets you into the same book!

10. Use natural consequences. I'm not suggesting that you move heaven and earth to protect your child from the natural outcome of his choices. We all need to learn lessons, and if your child can do so without too much damage to his self-image, life is a great teacher. But you'll want to make sure these are actually "natural" consequences that your child doesn't perceive as punishment so they don't trigger all the negative effects of punishment. What's more, you'll want to be sure that your child is convinced that you aren't orchestrating the consequence and are firmly on his side, so you don't undermine your relationship with him. Consider the difference in these approaches:

"Of course I will bring your lunch to the school, Sweetie. I don't want you to be hungry. But try to remember it tomorrow. " - Child may or may not remember his lunch tomorrow. There is no harm in doing this once or even twice, if you can do it easily. We all have forgotten things like lunches, and it is not a sign that your child will be irresponsible for life. But it is a signal that you need to help your child with self-organization strategies so he learns to remember.

"I'm certainly not going to drop everything to bring you your lunch. I hope this will teach you a lesson." - Child will probably learn to remember his lunch. BUT he concludes that parent doesn't care about him, and becomes less cooperative at home.

"Ok, I will bring your lunch but this is absolutely the last time. You would forget your head if it weren't glued on and don't expect me to always drop everything to bail you out." - Child does not learn to remember lunch but does learn that he is a forgetful person who irritates his parent. In the future, he acts in accordance with this expectation.

"I'm so sorry you forgot your lunch, Sweetie, but I just can't bring it to you. I hope you won't starve and I will have a snack waiting when you get home." - Child learns to remember lunch AND feels cared about AND self image stays intact.

Retraining yourself can be tough. But as Becky says, just throw the word "consequences" out of your vocabulary and replace it with "problem-solving." You'll be amazed at the miracles you can make.

Article: Change Your Story, Change Your Life

2011-07-01T14:19:00.002-04:00

Change Your Story, Change Your Life

by Dr. Laura from AhaParenting.com

"The way you talk about yourself and your life — your story — has a great deal to do with what shows up in your day-to-day experience. Your thoughts create filters through which you view your life. If you think of yourself as a victim, you filter all that happens to you through that lens ... and you find plenty of evidence to support that viewpoint. That’s why the orientation you adopt is so important: it exerts a powerful influence on your life direction." -- David Emerald

What's your story about your child? He wears you out? She's a drama queen? He'll never amount to anything, just like his father? She's strong-willed and always fighting with you? You have to yell at him just to get his attention? She's irresponsible?

You'll always find plenty of evidence to support your story. And trying to change your child's behavior directly usually reinforces both your the behavior and your story.

But you can create miracles when you change your story. Why? Because you see things differently. Thinking differently means you act differently toward your child.

Your new story is just as true: He's so curious and full of energy. She has big feelings. He has all his dad's good qualities, and better parenting to help them bloom. She's self-confident and sticks up for herself and for what she thinks is right. When I listen more deeply to him, he really pays attention to what I say. When I help her with routine and structure, she masters each new responsibility fairly quickly.

Today, make sure your story about your child has a happy ending. If you can't, now's the time to transform yourself into a fairy godmother.

(Is a happy ending too hard to imagine? Then you have some work to do, don't you? I'm betting you already know what that work is. If it feels too hard, just remember that even Fairy Godmothers and Godfathers get stuck sometimes and need to ask for help.)

Red nails, being beautiful, and being a princess

2011-06-27T21:45:00.001-04:00

Ari and I spent some time today at Grandma’s with my brother and his 4-year-old son, the infamous ‘primo,’ Spanish for cousin!

At one point it got quiet. You know what that means! It turns out Ari was in Grandma’s bedroom painting her nails with a red marker. When my mother told me, I decided to wait it out in part because I thought it was kind of funny that she was doing a unique original project, if you will. Also, I wanted to see how Ari was going to handle it when she got discovered.

Fast-forward a few minutes… Ari came out of the bedroom and showed me, without any prompting. I think I said something like “That’s silly. Next time, please write on paper.” She said something like “I paint my nails because I want to be a princess and be beautiful.” If you know me, you know it went downhill from there. I reminded myself to not take her words too seriously, but, frankly, they made me a bit sad. My child isn’t even four yet and she is already thinking about being a princess and being beautiful.

For me, this silly three-year-old episode went from being just that, a kid doing something impish, to me getting all sorts of thoughts about how girls are told, starting very early on, that they are princesses, that they need to dress to be beautiful, wear their hair a certain way, that they need to do their nails, makeup, you name it… Frankly, this really drives me nuts for many reasons.

I have written on here about how our child is exposed to both “girly” and “boy” things. She has fairy nightgowns but she also has Thomas and Friends pajamas. Her two birthday celebrations last year had Go Diego Go and Thomas and Friends themes because that is what she was into at the time. This year it looks like it will be Dora. Why me?! Another post for another day!

Back to my anti princess efforts! She dresses “girly” when she wants to. On other days, she leaves with nothing on her hair. She goes outside and checks out bugs, ants, and all that “boy” stuff. I try to give her opportunities to explore what she is interested in, regardless of whether the activity is stereotypically for boys or girls.

So, why am I so anti princess? I want my child to be herself, to do what she wants to do. I don’t want other girls, women or the media to heavily shape her self-worth and self-esteem. I want my daughter to know that she is beautiful because she just is, that she does not need tons of makeup, fancy nails or any of that stuff. No, I am not anti makeup or anti nails. When she is old enough, she can do all that if that is what she wants. I just feel very strongly that it is important for her to know that she does not need all that, that that is not what really matters in the end.

So, how do I get there? I tell her that she is beautiful. But I don’t want to say it constantly and, without meaning to, send the message that she is the prettiest girl ever. My instinct tells me to be low key about it, to tell her, occasionally, that she is beautiful, and not to overanalyze it. “Your hair is beautiful,” regardless of whether it is done up or if she just got out of bed.

My hope is that if we start thinking about these things when she is very young and letting her know, in different ways, that she is beautiful, regardless of what she does to her body and that there is no need to be princess-like, that she will not have the typical self-esteem struggles that teenage girls often have.

What do you think? Anything that your parents did when you were growing up that turned out to be very helpful? What do you tell your girls, if you have any? What would you tell your daughter, if you had one? Any suggestions?

Can't do it all, but that's ok!

2011-06-24T23:39:00.001-04:00

The last day of school was last Friday, the 17th. I am getting a lot of time with Ari. I love it. But I would lie if I said having her home was not challenging. It’s not about her. It’s not that she makes my days difficult or unpleasant. She is a very pleasant child 90% of the time. It is that there is a lot I would like to do for her, for our family, and it feels like it is hard to fit it all in.

Here are some of my thoughts lately:

I love doing things with her, but I can’t keep up with the house. The kitchen is a mess!

I haven’t done anything for my business this week.

She had a delicious bowl of oatmeal and I cooked other healthy things. Spent a ton of time in the kitchen. All the pots are clean. But now I feel like I neglected her for hours. PBS parented her, not me.

Could she please nap? Or at least be quiet for 20 minutes so I can nap, please?! Could she not put up a fight about rest time?! It’s getting old! Daddy, I know you hate sleeping, but did you really have to pass on those damn genes?! Those are not the genes I was hoping she would get!

Sigh... So, what next?

I remind myself of what I often tell other moms: spend time with your kid. Enjoy your kid. Let her know, with your actions, that you are truly present. Do enough house work so that your house feels livable. But don’t focus all your energy on having a spotless house. Why? Because there are only so many hours in one day and something’s gotta give. What will it be?

I rather live in a semi-messy house and have a relatively messy kitchen because I am spending time making memories with my child. Sometimes, I get her involved in the cooking process. We do laundry together. She loves to sort clothes, to put clothes in the dryer, and she loves to deliver folded clothes to Daddy! One of her all-time favorite chores is to deliver her clean night diapers to Daddy so that he can put them in the diaper stacker. She has been enjoying doing this since before she turned two and she is almost four!

My hope and goal is that I can do a passable job at doing the stay-at-home mom boring crap, i.e., keeping up with the house, and that, when my baby is an adult, she will remember her time at home with mom as time where we did things together, not time where I was freaking out about the messy kitchen, the dirty floors, etc., etc.

When I start freaking out next week, feel free to remind me!

Oh, if your house is spotless and you get plenty of time to connect with your child, honestly, you are my hero. Feel free to send some of your energy my way!

Article: How to Be the Leader Your Child Needs

2011-06-09T12:03:00.002-04:00

Another wonderful article from ahaparenting.com:

"How do you help parents who struggle to be the leaders their children need them to be? And how do you help their children, who are less considerate/self-regulating and continually test the limits because of it?"

How can we be the leader our child needs, and deserves?

1. Remember that kids do need parents to "lead." They're new on the planet, and little, and we owe them the security of acting as the leaders in our family. Otherwise, kids keep pushing to make sure someone is "in charge" and will keep them safe.

2. Remember that leadership is about role modeling, guiding and protecting, not about dictating or punishing. (See What's Wrong with Strict Parenting?)

3. Remember that leadership includes setting empathic limits, which are essential to our child's emotional well-being. Most parents who have a hard time being leaders with their children don't understand that limits are actually good for our children -- but only if they're set with empathy. This process has nothing to do with punishment, or even discipline, as we think of it. (See What's Wrong with Permissive Parenting?)

4. Remember that children only accept our leadership because of the relationship we have with them. If they resist or defy us, it's a sign that we need to focus on connecting with them.

5. Take the time to process our own emotions about how we have experienced parents being "in charge." For instance, a parent whose own parents were authoritarian may feel strongly that she doesn't want to repeat that experience for her own children. Terrific! But this parent may get confused and think therefore she can't set limits at all. That doesn't help her children And most likely, she will end up yelling when things finally get out of hand. Kids without limits always push us to our limits.

If, instead, this parent can let herself feel all those childhood feelings of how alone she felt, how hurt, how sad .... they will no longer control her. They won't make her cringe when her child has big feelings. They won't burst out unexpectedly, in yelling. They won't keep her from empathizing with her child's point of view.

That frees her to see the value of clear limits to her children when necessary. She will calmly, empathically guide her child ("You are so mad...but I will not let you hurt me...I will keep everyone safe...") role modeling emotional regulation, without guilt and without feeling a need to punish. That's leadership.

Article: The 5 Habits You Need To Stay Connected To Your Child

2011-06-09T11:27:00.004-04:00

I recently subscribed to this newsletter. It has quickly become one of my favorite parenting emails! I can't say it enough; it is wonderful. Check out ahaparenting.com. Find her on Facebook.

I find her emails grounding. They are a constant reminder of what really matters when it comes to raising a child. It is so easy to worry about the tens of to-do's I have on any given day, to worry about whether or not Ari's clothes match, did her hair get done, etc., etc. I am learning a lot. I am learning about balance. I am constantly reminded that the sense of connection amongst our family is my #1 priority, that, if the sense of connection is not there, I have nothing. If there is no sense of connection, it feels like everything around me starts to fall apart.

I am finding myself having more conversations with my child, giving her even more hugs, and spending even more time being on my knees so I can talk to her face to face about the things that trouble her, trivial or not. She is becoming more and more interested in snuggling, saying sweet things and letting us know she loves us in different ways. I am so loving it!

Here is the latest article from ahaparenting.com.

***

"We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth." -- Virginia Satir

We all want that closeness with our children that makes our hearts melt. But so much of what we consider normal parenting pushes our children away, and makes them more difficult.

It begins when we follow the well-meaning advice to turn away from our crying baby. This erodes our empathy for our child, because instead of following our instincts – which, naturally, tell us to respond to the needs of our little one – we harden our hearts. After that, it's much tougher to feel empathy for this struggling little person, to see things from his perspective. Our child reacts with neediness and defiance. We're exhausted with the demands of daily life, increasingly exasperated by our child's lack of cooperation. We nag, yell and punish, which just makes our child’s behavior worse. This escalates in the teenage years, when parents and children scream and fight; when children start looking for love in all the wrong places.

Like every parent in the world, we're just trying to raise good kids, and we can't even figure out where we went wrong. Over and over, I hear from parents that they wish they had understood how important it is to connect, not just correct.

Of course, parents are only human. There are days when all we can do is meet our children's most basic needs: Feed them, bathe them, keep an encouraging tone, hug them, and get them to sleep at a reasonable hour so we can do it all over again tomorrow. Given that parenting is the toughest job on earth -- and most of us do it in our spare time, after we work at another job all day -- the only way to keep a strong bond with our children is to build in daily habits of connection. What kinds of habits?

1. 12 hugs a day - Including a reconnecting hug after every separation.

2. Turn off technology when you interact with your child. - Really. Your child will remember for the rest of her life that she was important enough to her parents that they turned off their cell phones to listen to her.

3. Special time - Every day, 15 minutes with each child, separately. Alternate doing what your child wants and doing what you want, and on your days resist the urge to structure the time with activities. Instead, play therapeutic "games" to help your child with whatever issues are worrying him. (For ideas about such games, click here.)

4. Welcome emotion - Sure, it's inconvenient. But your child needs to express his emotions or they'll drive his behavior. So welcome the meltdowns, don't let the anger trigger you, and soothe the tears and fears that always hide behind the anger. Remember that you're the one he trusts enough to cry with, and breathe your way through it. Afterwards, he'll feel so much closer to you, and you'll see the difference in how he cooperates.

5. Empathy - The habit of seeing things from your child's perspective will ensure that you treat her with respect and look for win/win solutions. It will help you see the reasons for behavior that would otherwise drive you crazy. It will help you regulate your own emotions so when your buttons get pushed and you find yourself in "fight or flight," your child doesn't look so much like the enemy.

Maybe most important of all, the habit of empathy is what brings you those moments with your child that make your heart melt. We all need more of those.

May you be blessed with miracles today, large and small.
Blessings,
Dr. Laura

My little love is almost four, no doubt about it!

2011-06-06T13:23:00.001-04:00

A few parents have told me that age four is very interesting and sometimes exhausting. You know what that means, right?! Developing children get smarter, become sometimes cute, sometimes not so cute, opinionated smart asses! And I say that with all the love in the world for all the soon-to-be four-year-olds in my life – mine, my friend's, my neighbor's and those of my blog readers!

I wondered what exactly these parents were talking about. Well, now I know! Ari will turn four in three months. We can tell! Most of the time I love what this transition is looking like. And then there are days…! Here is a story for you!

One night, about a month ago, I felt pretty clever! Amor Chiquito asked if she could watch an episode of Dora. I said that Dora was not a choice, but that she could watch something short, like a five-minute Youtube video. She chose this silliness:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5uujMb_hbo

Since that night, watching "something short" has become part of her night ritual. Saturday night, it was bedtime and she made the request. I said that we could not do it that night because Daddy needed to work on his computer and my laptop is not working. Poor Daddy has been working crazy hours. He is teaching two summer online courses and one starts today.

Pause that story. Let me vent for a minute! Ari has two weeks of school left. I don't think we can do any of the two week summer sessions this year. I am trying to launch our new business. And my eight-month-old laptop breaks. What the heck! Doesn't it know about its poor timing?!

Ok, done whining! Back to Ari!

"Mommy, we can use Daddy's little white computer."

Fair enough. Reasonable request. But his netbook takes forever to boot up. It was late. I was tired. So I said no. I said that we would sleep, get tons of energy, and watch something tomorrow. Wrong answer!

She lied down, but would not rest her head on her pillow.

She said I was not listening to her words. That Montessori stuff biting me in the butt again!

The best part! "Mommy, if you don't let me watch something short, I will stay awake. I will be sad and cry."

What? Excuse me?! I was both angry and about to burst out laughing! I could not believe my ears! Oh, by the way, she was out five minutes after that!

Now a sweet story. The other day, at bedtime, I told her that I love being her mommy. Her response: I love being your child. You are the best.

And moments like that one, readers, are the moments I treasure, the moments I try not to forget. Ari is a very sweet, loving child. We have many beautiful, memorable moments. But she is almost four and so she does have the ability to occasionally drive me batty!

Almost forgot... One cool thing about an almost-four-year-old. When her parents are distracted, she will say "you forgot to buckle me"! She rocks!

Farm Share: Week One

2011-06-02T11:12:00.001-04:00

Anti-vegetables Puertorican me decided that I would love to get a farm share this year. Us Puertoricans are known for not eating vegetables, so this is big news for my entire family, including me! I have been working on eating healthier for years, but I have been inconsistent when it comes to veggies. I buy them. I feed them to Ari and Geeky Entrepreneur, but I always gave myself the tiniest portions!

It all changed about six weeks ago. I decided to follow the South Beach eating style. I want to be and feel healthier. I want to lose some weight. I am preparing for pregnancy. I want to model healthy habits for my little girl. I want eating healthy to be a natural thing for her.

So, all that being said, we have been eating salads for lunch almost every day. We always have veggies with dinner. We find ourselves eating very delicious meals at home or eating mostly Asian, veggie rich dishes when we eat out. I can’t believe how much I am loving it! I am finding that I have more energy. Sadly, I have noticed that when I “cheat” and eat lots of delicious foods made with refined grains I get super tired and a bit cranky. Good-bye, big white bread sandwiches!

Back to the farm share, I started noticing that I was spending a lot of time and money at the grocery store. Ari eating berries like there is no tomorrow and all of us eating tons of veggies… I was starting to feel like we would be broke soon! You have no idea how much money I spent on blueberries last month, for example!

I have noticed that, typically, organic produce tastes better to me. But a lot of the produce I like to get is not always available. I may find strawberries this week, but not next week. You get my drift.

I remembered that one of Ari’s classmates has a farm. Well, that is how Ari puts it! O has big big gardens, she says!

So, I figured what the heck… Let’s read up on it and see what happens! “O’s farm” has organic veggies, fruit and herbs. We will go get our share every Monday. It will cost us $24.77/week. Let’s do it and see how it goes!

And, so, here we are. Our first farm share!

We went for the first time last Monday. Ari and my nephew came along. They had a blast picking thyme, oregano and sage! Adorable! I forgot to take pictures. What is wrong with me?!

As for the veggies, here is what we got this week: romaine lettuce, baby arugula, baby bok choy, komatsuna, radishes, broccoli, and garlic scallions.

I hear this is the “boring” month. I can’t wait for whatever is coming next!

I feel like I will really be going up a learning curve. To be honest, some of the veggies, I didn’t even know what they were called! Never mind what to do with them! Salads, of course. But I know the possibilities are endless! So I just need to figure out what exactly the possibilities are!

Our two Boston friends have lots of experience with farm shares. You have both been very helpful. Thank you! Plenty of questions coming your way as we go forward with this new adventure!

Bye bye, night diapers.

2011-06-01T11:24:00.003-04:00

About three weeks ago we had a chat about giving up the night diaper. It was all her. She brought it up. I was not pushing for her to get rid of the night diaper. My thought has been that she is three years old. Why rush it? Why stress out about it? If she was almost five, then maybe I would feel differently.

As for Ari, she has been wanting to be done with night diapers for a while. She did not seem to be developmentally ready. She had had many night accidents. But she specifically talked about it a few weeks back. So I figured we would try. I told her that she has two choices: pee/try to pee before bed or wear a diaper. She sits on the potty every night. She pees 95% of the time. The first two weeks she only had one or two accidents. This past week has been a different story. Let’s just say that I am getting tired of washing peepee sheets! Three accidents the past five nights. One night she came to visit and I woke up soaked! That's right; my shirt was soaking wet with pee! One of those parenting things no one warns you about!

So, what is next?

Ari really wants to be done with diapers. I will honor that. I will give her more time. I will reassess in two weeks and go from there. If she is having a lot of accidents, I may talk to her about how, perhaps, her body is not ready yet, that is ok, and her body will be ready later.

The kid is really into being a big kid. Can you tell?! I wonder why we do that. I remember doing it when I was a kid. I always wanted to be older. I think I was done with that three days after I turned 18!

What do you think? What has the night diaper transition been like for your little one? Anything you might do differently next time around?

Where is the Reluctant Crunchy Mama?!

2011-06-01T10:17:00.002-04:00

My poor blog has been so neglected! I really do mean to post two or three times a week. It just isn’t happening lately. In a way, my blog is like my baby scrapbook. So I need to get to it because Ari is doing and saying all sorts of ridiculously cute and fascinating things and I am not blogging about it.

Now that I am taking the time to do this, I am blanking out, of course! Let’s see…

I will start by saying that something that has been taking up a lot of my time is that I decided to start my own business. Yes, antientrepreneurship me, the woman who hates uncertainty with a passion. How the hell did that happen? Here is the list of reasons.

Since I was about 12, I have been thinking that my career will have something to do with helping people somehow. I thought for years that I wanted to be a counselor. Fast-forward some years and I am so not signing up for a Master’s in Social Work. Simply put, hell no! No way I am going back to school right now! I am free and I want to stay that way!

So, what other things can I do to both help people and help feed my family? Last year I explored the possibility of working in the adoption field. That did not work out so well. There is only one local adoption agency. Next?

Mediation. I have been thinking about mediation on and off for years. I feel like I have been a family mediator unofficially for over a decade now!

Mediation, to me, is very rewarding. Successful mediation sessions can be life-changing.

Mediation is one of the few fields in MA that is not heavily regulated. No master’s degree in anything necessary. None of the “you are under/overqualified” stuff.

Also, I want and need flexibility. I am a mom. I am a family woman. That is my #1 job. That baby girl… I refuse to only see her one or two hours a day. I am incredibly lucky and feel so blessed to have that choice. Since I have the choice, I choose to stay home, to pick her up at school, to see her in that environment, to talk to her teachers, to play silly games at home, pretend I am a pony, to cook with her, to see her beaming when she is playing with her neighbors or putting fingerprints on her daddy’s glasses. It would be awesome to make more money, to not have to spend over $700/month on health insurance because we are both self-employed, to, perhaps, travel more. But this is priceless.

So, here I go. Here I am, hoping that something that I love will both change lives and help pay for that Montessori tuition!

A fellow mediation trainee and I are starting a business together. We will be teaching workshops for couples and we will be doing marital and family mediation.

What is mediation? You and your partner have a conflict and are unable to find a solution. Mediation provides a setting where a third person facilitates the conversation, asks open-ended questions, and guides you so that you can better understand each other’s needs and so that, hopefully, you find a solution.

Marital mediation is a relatively new field. It is very helpful to couples who have some differences and who would like to work them out so that they can remain married.
Typically, couples attend three to six two-hour sessions, based on their needs.

I am committed to helping families improve their lives and their relationships. I am trained, will continue to attend relevant workshops and seminars, and I have plenty of personal experience resolving family issues. So I know I can do this! Wish me luck!

First year at a Montessori Children's House classroom... Almost done!

2011-05-18T13:06:00.003-04:00

A lot to say. Lots to do. Not too much time to blog lately. I was going to type a very long post, but decided against that. Hmm, let's rephrase. This is a long post, but it is only about school. It would have been so much longer had I gone with my original idea!

Let’s talk school!

Ari’s first year at the Montessori school is coming to a close. About four weeks of school left. How she has changed… She has learned so much. She is thriving. She is getting to spend time with peers, interacting with them, becoming their friend, having opportunities to use the conflict resolution skills she has been learning about. Yes, now she talks about “listening to my words,” hurting his feelings,” among others. This is exactly what she was craving a year ago. I am glad I stepped out of my comfort zone, glad that I did not let comments from those who said she was too little to get to me, and so glad I listened to my mommy gut.

At this point, Ari traces many letters on a sand tray, writes a few of them, and is very interested in learning how to write her name. For now, she says that her signature is an A!

She is beginning to add.

She is counting in English and Spanish.

The other day she grabbed a globe during work sharing time (i.e., when parents visit with the kids for half an hour). She brought it over, proceeded to point each continent and told us that we live in North America!

She still loves doing artwork, of course! She could cut, glue and color or paint all day!

I have seen her do things like using a manual drill, sand sticks, help with the school garden, wash, peel and slice carrots, among others.

She participates in group sings.

She spends about half an hour at the playground twice a day.

The kid knows a handful of yoga poses! You should see when she comes home, does them so easily and then asks her dad and I to try. Funny stuff!

Every day she has lunch with a different, small group of kids. Picture two to four little kids sitting around a square table, eating and chatting, just like you and I would! So damn cute!

She rests every day, comfortably, no sadness or missing mommy. So glad that did not last long. So grateful for the teachers who spent time with her, talking her through it, validating her feelings, reminding her that mom would return later, rubbing her back, giving her a hug, etc.

I know she did and learned so much more than that. I am looking forward to the end of the year report!

I am feeling incredibly grateful. Life, some luck, and my hard-working husband made this possible. I very much hope she can continue to attend this school until they kick her out! (That would be sixth grade!) I very much wish this wonderful combination of experiences was available to more little ones.

Time for some Ari stories!

2011-05-05T09:00:00.000-04:00

Some random Ari stories…

She can figure out what letter a word starts with. We have been playing that game for about two weeks now. It is currently one of her preferred car games. She gets confused with G’s, C’s and K’s because she cannot pronounce them properly yet. G’s come out as D’s and C’s and K’s come out as T’s.

Speaking of, the other day, we were at a restaurant and she needed to go to the bathroom. “I need to go to the bathroom, mommy. I need to pee. Pee starts with a P, mommy.” My child is not the loudest kid ever or anything, but she is her father’s child, so she is definitely up there! My guess is that a good ten people or so heard about how she needed to pee and how pee starts with a P!

Amor Chiquito is starting to communicate her needs and preferences very clearly, which I love because I want her to be comfortable, of course. Also, I don’t have to think and guess as much as I used to when she was younger.

Here are some examples of her talking about her needs and preferences.

On Tuesday, I gave her a quarter of a homemade waffle, about eight strawberries and some orange juice for lunch. Tuesday evening, when we were talking about her school day, she said that when she was resting she felt hungry. I asked her if the snack her school provides is out all day or if it is only out at certain times. She said it is out all day, but that rest time is quiet time. I told her that she can get something to eat after rest time. I asked her what else she thought we could do so that she would not be hungry. “I need more waffles and more fruit, mommy. Please put more food in my lunchbox. Blueberries, blueberries, more blueberries!”

Yesterday was pizza day at school. I asked if she liked her pizza, if she ate it all, etc. She said she only ate the crust. When I asked why, she said that the pizza was cold and that she does not like cold pizza. “I like the cheese to be warm, mommy. I only ate the trust (crust).”

Onto the cute stuff!

Last night, as we were getting ready for bed, right after our family hug, she said “I love my life.” To say that Daddy and I were shocked is an understatement!

When we crawled into bed, she said “I love you, mommy. I really really love you.”

What else could a mom ask for?! For the cute kid to go to sleep right away on the one night when mom wants to watch TV, that’s what!

Almost forgot… Two nights ago Ari was talking about how some kids call their moms mama, some mom and some mommy. She asked if she could call me mom. I said yes, so she said “I love you mom. Good night mom. Can you rub my back, mama?” Very cute!

At the end of the day, she decided to stick with mommy, for now, anyways. I like them all. She can call me whatever makes her happy.

More protein, baby!

2011-05-04T12:39:00.001-04:00

As I have mentioned before, Amor Chiquito is a self-proclaimed vegetarian! No idea where that came from. Her dad and I would never ever give up chicken for anything!

Amor Chiquito loves fruit, some vegetables, and some whole grains. I am trying to increase her protein intake. Here is how it is looking thus far:

Milk: She prefers chocolate milk. She has a small glass of chocolate milk before bed almost every night. I will be sending chocolate milk with her lunch instead of orange juice.

Yogurt: She wants to eat the sugary yogurts with kid characters on them. I am not such a big fan. I will be trying different yogurt options.

Cheese: She used to love American cheese, not so much lately. The only time I see her eating cheese is when she eats pizza. Come to think of it, she used to enjoy cream cheese. Perhaps I should try that again.

Eggs: Nope, no way. She loves to help Daddy make scrambled eggs, but she won’t try them.

Meats: The only time she eats any meat is at a Thai restaurant where she likes chicken satay (chicken on a stick!).

Nuts: Fortunately, we know that she is not allergic to any of them. Unfortunately, she is just not interested.

Nut butters: She absolutely hates peanut butter. I wish you could see her face! “That is so so yutty!”

Beans: She used to eat a bowl of just beans when she was about ten months! Now she won’t touch them. To be fair, perhaps, I should make beans more often so that she has more exposure.

She eats things like homemade waffles, which contain some whole wheat flour, eggs, milk and olive oil. But, as you can see, I am having a hard time getting proteins into her.

I would love any and all suggestions! What do you do? What has worked?

Article: Mistakes Parents Make When Feeding Their Kids

2011-05-02T09:12:00.001-04:00

Good read. Great reminders.

http://www.joybauer.com/healthy-living/feeding-kids.aspx?xid=nl_EverydayHealthChildrensHealth_20110501

Holy brain and language development batman!

2011-04-26T18:56:00.000-04:00

Here are several interesting words and phrases that Amor Chiquito has been using as of late.

Actually

Just in case

If you change your mind…

She is using all of these correctly! Being a first-time mom, I had no idea when kids begin to use such phrases. I was shocked!

Some quotes:

“Mommy, tomorrow (she has not figured out past and future phrases), when I be grown up, I will have a baby and I will be a mommy and you will be a grandma and daddy will be a granddaddy and we will be a big family for the baby.”

“Daddy, you are my daddy and my cousin’s tio (uncle in Spanish). Tio (my brother) is my cousin’s dad and my tio.”

“Daddy, I was in my mommy’s tummy and you were in Nana’s tummy. Mommy was in grandma’s tummy.”

Let’s not forget:

“And you are not listening to me. I want to go to the park.”

Lastly, “I am done talking about grandma’s house. I want to go to the park.”

Holy brain and language development batman! That’s all I can say!

Touching Words from a Mom

2011-04-25T21:14:00.003-04:00

No earthly idea where I found this or who wrote it. I found it online years ago. As I was going through old documents, I came across it, reread it, and I'm in tears, just like all the other times I've read it!

***

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking.

"Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all.

I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell.

She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.

That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, and not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes.

"You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, andfor all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

***

What do you think, parents? This is about moms, but there are some pretty squishy daddies out there too! I heard a cute daddy tell his baby girl he missed her today, for example!

What did she say?!

2011-04-24T15:00:00.001-04:00

Wow, my blog has been neglected! No posts in two weeks. Amor Chiquito has been home for almost ten days (spring break). She was also home for a few days the week before spring break because of an evil stomach bug.

So, where to start? Let’s start with the fun stuff!

The other day Amor Chiquito handed her dad something and said something like “Daddy, please hold this. I have a lot of things to do.”

What? Excuse me?! Lots of things to do?! Thanks for the laugh, kid!

The other day Amor Chiquito wanted to go to the park. I did not want to go. It was very windy outside. I had made plans to go visit my mother instead. The conversation went something like this:

Ari: Mommy, I want to go to the park.

Me: We are not going to the park right now.

Ari: Why?

Me: It is very windy outside. I don’t want to be cold! We will go another day. We are going to grandma’s house.

Ari: But I really want to go to the park.

Me: I understand that you want to go to the park. We will go tomorrow. Today we are going to have fun at grandma’s.

Repeat that exchange a few times…

Ari: Mommy, I really really want to go to the park.

Me: Ari, I feel like you are not listening. We are going to grandma’s today and we will go to the park tomorrow.

Ari: Mommy, I feel like you are not listening. I want to go to the park.

A few minutes later…

Ari: I want to go to the park.

Me: I am done talking about the park.

Ari: I am done talking about grandma’s house.

So, then what?!

I can’t get mad at her! She is modeling my actions and statements. That’s what kids do! She was not yelling. She was not being rude. She was saying what she hears me say. I felt like she was being a smart ass! But she really wasn’t.

I have been uncertain as to how to handle this. We could go on and on about what we want and what we are actually going to do for ever. Her and I could compete for the Most Persistent award for quite a long time!

My husband and my friend shared some ideas. I will share those another time. In the meantime, tell me, what would you do? What would you say?

On Traveling for Business, Attachment, and Separation

2011-04-08T12:54:00.002-04:00

Warning: this is a long one!

Geeky Entrepreneur travelled for work this week. He was gone for three nights. He had not done much traveling since Amor Chiquito was born, but it looks like he will be traveling about once a quarter from now on.

This week was hard and exhausting for all of us. At the same time, it reminded me about attachment and taught me about the needs of little ones. Let’s just say that our daughter was very sad, confused and angry when her dad was gone. She did things she had never done before, including acting out in school. I felt as though a grumpy and unhappy alien took over my sweet and happy child. She did a lot of crying. I was ready to cry several times. You get my drift.

We got through it. Daddy tried to talk to her two or three times a day. I gave her lots of hugs and love. I tried talking to her about feelings. We co slept and cuddled a lot. That being said, I was still left with the feeling that, no matter what I did, my happy and sweet baby was temporarily gone. This made me wonder. What could I do differently? What did I not do? What could her dad do differently?

I spent some time online. I knew separation is not ideal. I know how it affects little ones and why. It has to do with attachment. You and your little one have a bond. She trusts you. She knows that you will be there when she needs you. You are her world. You mean complete and absolute safety to her. Suddenly, with little or no warning, you are gone. She wonders why. She wonders if or when you will return. If she is old enough, she may worry about where you will sleep, what you will eat, etc.

Up until age five or six, little ones are unable to verbalize their sadness and confusion. They communicate these feelings in different ways: crying, showing anger, sometimes even hitting the traveling parent when s/he comes home. Your little one might withdraw from you for a while after you come home. She may continue to worry about if/when you are leaving for days. For example, Ari is still asking me, multiple times a day, if daddy is home and if he will be home when she comes home from school. The first words out of her mouth this morning: is my daddy home? Where is he? I don’t see him.

I did some research and found some links that I thought may be helpful to you next time you are traveling.

Effects of Separation and Loss on Children's Development:
http://www.peterhaiman.com/articles/effectsOfSeparationOnYoungChildren.shtml

This article focuses on prolonged absence, but it explains what attachment is and the importance of attachment very clearly, I thought.

** I pasted a portion of the article below in here because it is a PDF. I could not find or did not know how to find a link to it. **

***

Business Travel: Preparing Kids for Your Absence and Keeping in Touch
During a preschool circle time, children discussed their parents’ occupations.
Four-year-old Joe shared that his Dad worked at the airport. His teacher asked if he was a pilot who flew planes or a mechanic who worked on them. The boy was stumped, “Um, I don’t know. That’s just where we take Daddy to work.”
by Karen Stephens
Sometimes kids wonder about the simplest things — like how you will get food to eat when you’re not home.
Following up with Joe’s parents, the teacher discovered that Dad didn’t work at the airport at all. But it quickly became obvious why Joe thought his father did. The most tangible thing Joe knew about his father’s work was where he and his mother took Dad almost every morning — you guessed it — to the airport.
From Joe’s perspective, the airport was Dad’s workplace. Preschooler Joe hadn’t yet figured out that the airport was just Dad’s work commute.
Especially for parents, the glamour of work-related travel wears off quickly.
Frequent business travel wears on nerves and tugs at the heart. It can rob parents of irreplaceable child-rearing moments and create painful physical distance. And it’s not just tough on moms and dads. Young children often don’t clearly understand where parents are during work travel, or why parents don’t take the whole family along. If children are left unprepared for a parent’s absence, it can be a time of scary uncertainty.
If you’re a parent whose work schedule includes a lot of travel, the tips below will help you prepare children for your absence and help you stay in touch until your safe return.

Remember, not all surprises are good. Forewarn kids before you travel. If you leave unannounced, you’re likely to undermine trust. If you must leave very early in the morning, say your good-byes the night before. But avoid saying good-bye right at bedtime when children feel most alone anyway.

Let children know why you have to travel for work. According to their ability to understand, briefly explain what you’ll be doing. Sometimes kids wonder about the simplest things — like how you will get food to eat when you’re not home. If those details worry your child, reassure them there are restaurants
and grocery stores where you travel.

Explain how long you’ll be gone. Younger children won’t understand calendar dates, so talk about how many nights sleep or how many days of child care it will be before you return home. School-aged children can mark off days on a calendar. (However, also prepare them for flight delays that upset the best of plans.)

With today’s easy exposure to news reports, children might worry about your travel mode. This is especially true if you’re flying or taking a train after a reported accident. Reassure children that pilots or engineers will do their very best to get you where you’re going safely.
www.ParentingExchange.com

Whenever possible, leave a photo or brochure of where you’ll be — even if it’s your hotel or company building. You can even leave web sites of your travel location that children can view. All that will help your child understand that you didn’t just “disappear” somewhere.

Use technology to stay in touch. Call home when you reach your destination and leave your contact number on the voice mail. Consider faxing and e-mailing messages or digital photos.

Call home at agreed upon times or you’re likely to miss each other; especially when in different time zones and/or countries.

Don’t forget promised call times. Most kids — especially preschoolers — don’t talk a lot during phone calls, but they still like to hear your voice. If you get delayed, remember to give kids a sincere apology once you do talk with them. Young children often don’t clearly understand where parents are during work travel, or why parents don’t take the whole family along.

Help children maintain a sense of your presence in the home by leaving them with one of your favorite items. It can be something as simple as a sweater, sports cap, book, or photographs.

Leave love notes under pillows, in backpacks, or under meal cups to remind your child you think of them even when you’re gone.

Draw up IOUs for activities you’ll do together once you return, such as go to the park or children’s museum.

Continue participating in daily routines even when you’re gone. Leave a video of you reading a bedtime story. Make a tape recording of you and your child singing favorite songs and leave it with a tape recorder for listening.

If you miss a special event, holiday, or birthday, don’t waste time feeling guilty. Limit those occasions as much as you can, but a missed event isn’t the end of the world. Instead, spend your energy planning together how you’ll re-celebrate when you return. Or plan how to celebrate together long distance, such as singing “Happy Birthday” over the phone.

If you are gone a long time, periodically mail home little treasures for the kids. Items easy to mail include coloring books, paperback books, stickers,
puzzles, bookmarks, stuffed animals or puppets, or a few foreign coins. Those are just a few ideas to help ease parent-child separation during travel. There are many more useful ideas in the
book The Business Traveling Parent by Dan Verdick (Beltsville, MD: Robins Lane Press, 2000). Verdick shares lots of ways to creatively stay in touch with children until the joy of your next reunion.
Bonvoyage!
About the Author — Karen Stephens is director of Illinois State University Child Care Center and instructor in child development for the ISU Family and Consumer Sciences Department. For nine years she wrote a weekly parenting column in her local newspaper. Karen has authored early care and education books and is a frequent contributor to Exchange.
© Karen Stephens 2007
www.ParentingExchange.com

A few more ideas:

One idea that we meant to try, did not do, but will most definitely do next time is using webcams. Ari is very visual. She wanted to see her dad and she wanted to show him what she was working on, even what she was eating!

One of my friends suggested that we tell Ari that Daddy will be traveling days before he actually travels. She suggested that we get Ari involved in the packing process.

I feel/hope that talking to Amor Chiquito about what to expect when Daddy is gone might be helpful. I am thinking about how often she can talk to him or see him on the webcam.

Do you have any other suggestions?

As for our family, all of us are glad that life is back to normal. Daddy is glad to be home. Ari is thrilled that her dad is back. I feel that both of them are back! I am hopeful that in a few days Amor Chiquito will stop worrying about her dad not being there when she wakes up in the morning.

Article: Don't Say No to Me

2011-04-05T16:30:00.002-04:00

Great article on how to say "no" without saying "no" 100 times in one day:
http://hybridrastamama.blogspot.com/2011/04/dont-say-no-to-me.html

This mama began blogging recently. She writes very interesting, thought-provoking posts. Let's not forget that this is where I found the quinoa chocolate cake recipe!

A Must-Check-Out Blog

2011-03-31T18:22:00.002-04:00

I just came across this blog today:
http://montessoriadvice.blogspot.com/

The author is a Montessori teacher, founder of a Montessori school, and the parent of a preschooler.

It looks like she does not post often. But if you look through the older posts, you will find many posts addressing common parenting/teaching questions.

Quinoa

2011-03-31T13:50:00.000-04:00

A few weeks back I came across a quinoa chocolate cake recipe. I tried it and we really liked the cake. This made me very curious. What other dishes can I make with quinoa that my family might eat?

I will go ahead and admit that I had never eaten quinoa. I knew nothing about it. I had heard the name and I knew it was a whole grain. Sounds terrible, I know! What can I say? Us Puertoricans, typically, are not fans of whole grains. In fact, my relatives are often leery of trying anything I cook because they know I tend to cook with a twist, one they are not fund of!

The other day I cooked some quinoa, the way you cook white rice. No go. Ari tried it and didn’t like it. Geeky Entrepreneur is willing to try again. I am willing to keep trying until I get it right. They don’t like brown rice. Geeky Entrepreneur won’t do whole wheat pasta too often. So I feel the need to keep trying whole grain recipes until I find something that everyone loves.

I just made some quinoa kheer! Kheer is an Indian rice pudding dessert.

I found two other quinoa pudding recipes today. I will be trying them another time.

Do you have any quinoa recipes you love? Please share!

On screwing up and apologizing to my child

2011-03-30T20:28:00.001-04:00

Sunday afternoon Amor Chiquito began telling us that her ears were hurting. By Sunday evening she was in a lot of pain. Monday morning we found out that she was experiencing her first ear infection, a “double ear infection,” in fact.

All I have to say is yay for Ibuprofen and antibiotics!

We tried some home remedies, like warm compresses and drops of olive oil in her ears, but neither of those worked for Amor Chiquito.

The ear infection had us up four times (I think) the first night, before we got the antibiotic. The second and third nights, Amor Chiquito was only getting up once or twice, but, each and every time we gave her ibuprofen she could not sleep for a good two hours. She tried and tried, but it just wasn’t happening. She kept telling me that she wanted to “watch one Dora and then sleep.” Perhaps she was onto something. Maybe I should have listened, in retrospect.

Amor Chiquito and I got bad colds and we are just getting over the cold, after at least ten days.

So, to say that this mama has been tired is an understatement.

Last night was night three of the madness, the multiple night wakings, sometimes for hours. Let’s just say that mommy was tired, extremely tired, and, in my case, an extremely tired mommy at 4:30 am can easily lead to a snappy mommy. I told Amor Chiquito that I was feeling angry, that I was very, very tired, and that I was going to sleep. I angrily rolled over.

So, what do you think my child did? She hugged me and gave me kisses.

Her actions helped me snap out of it and helped me realize that she was not intentionally being difficult and that I needed help. I needed Daddy to take a turn. I had been at it for two hours. I had gotten about three hours of sleep.

This morning, after I had gotten enough sleep, it all came back to me. I felt like such a snappy B!

My thoughts after the fact:

If someone can help you/take a turn, reach out and let him/her take a turn with the little one. It is ok. We are human beings. We get tired. You are not less of a parent for reaching out for help.

If you are home with a sick child, nap when the child naps.

We make mistakes. Forgive and be gentle with yourself.

Children are very forgiving.

Do right by your child. Apologize. It is the right thing to do. It will ensure that the special bond you and your child have is left intact. Also, you are modeling something positive, something you want your child to be able to do when she screws up.

I decided I was going to do just that, apologize to my baby. So, when she came home from preschool (her first day back), I got down on my knees, so I could be at eye level with her, and we had a little talk.

Me: I want to talk to you about something. You know how we were awake for a long time in the middle of the night and we could not sleep?

Ari: Yes.

Me: I got very cranky. I am sorry. I was not nice.

Ari: Why you were like that, mommy?

Me: I was very tired. I needed some sleep.

Ari: O.

Me: I just wanted to tell you that I am sorry I was cranky. I will try not to do that. I love you. I want to give you a hug.

We hugged and it was over. Later on, she told her Daddy that I said I was sorry I was cranky and she asked him why I was cranky. He explained that when people are very, very tired, sometimes they get cranky.

Long post..Oops!

Moral of the story: when you screw up, apologize to your kid, forgive yourself and move on.

Article: Breastfeeding Information for the First Few Weeks of Life

2011-03-30T10:47:00.002-04:00

Excellent advice for a new breastfeeding family:
http://givingbirthwithconfidence.org/2011/03/breastfeeding-information-for-the-first-few-weeks-of-life/

I would add one thing. If you are experiencing pain, meet with a lactation consultant or a La Leche League leader as soon as possible and ask that person to find out if your little one is tongue-tied. I don't know how often this happens, but Amor Chiquito was tongue-tied and that hurt like heck. That is an understatement, in fact!

If your child is, indeed, tongue-tied, the procedure to resolve this takes a minute. For us, it did not impact the way she nursed. As a matter of fact, she nursed about three minutes after the procedure and she was fine. My life changed on that day. Soon after I thought breastfeeding was a piece of cake!

Parent Teacher Conference Update

2011-03-28T20:30:00.001-04:00

Parent teacher conferences take place in November and in March. We met with Amor Chiquito’s teachers last Thursday. Here is what we learned, in no particular order:

At the beginning of the school year, Amor Chiquito mostly worked individually. Now she is exploring new areas and working in small groups with the handful of kids she enjoys hanging out with. This means that she is doing less of the reporting she was famous for and more exploring and trying new things. For example, she is not as drawn to numbers as she is to letters, but she does do some math activities because she likes to spend time with the infamous R, a very sweet 4-year-old boy!

Speaking of the kids she spends time with, the teachers say that she makes more eye contact and is more involved in conversations with the teachers and with her peers

It used to be that when it was circle time and it was time for the kids to participate, she often repeated the same story, something about her grandma and her cousin. She no longer does that. She actually talks about whatever they are discussing. For example, they are learning about bears, manatees, and other animals at the moment.

One of the teachers said he feels like she looks taller, her face looks different, she looks more like a little kid and not a baby and that it is easier to understand her.

We talked about her language delay. They said language delays are common among kids growing up in bilingual homes.

We talked about how the L is finally emerging! She used to say I ‘yite’ and now she says I ‘lite.’ We are still working on the K, but the L is coming along nicely!

Daddy and I were wondering what helped the L emerge. Is it that she was simply ready? Is it something we did? Something the teachers did? It turns out that each week they focus on one letter. Two weeks ago, they worked on the L and this week they were reviewing it. They learn how to write it, what it sounds like, where the sounds come from, etc. Two weeks ago is when I heard the L for the first time! It sounds like the Montessori teachers made more progress than I have following the early intervention suggestions! Or, perhaps, it was just the right time for her.

As for the activities that Amor Chiquito is drawn to, she does lots of art work. She loves cutting and gluing. One of the teachers said she kicked Ari out of the art station today because Ari would spend all day there if they let her!

Amor Chiquito loves to write and she is very interested in learning how to write her name. She often said she couldn’t do it. She felt frustrated and sad. The teachers kept reinforcing that she is learning and that writing an A can be her signature because she is the only one with an A name in the classroom. Apparently their tactic has worked. She now excitedly says “I can do that! I can write an A for Arianna!”

She spends a fair bit of time at the practical life table. Some of the activities in that area include washing, pealing and cutting a carrot, using a hand drill, using tweezers, poring fluids, mixing fluids, among others.

Amor Chiquito likes to play family with her friends. She also likes to play the “store game.” They pretend they sell things, usually ice cream! That’s my kid!

Speaking of playing the family game, I feel very happy that my child sees different family types as “normal,” for lack of a better word. If one of the kids is a boy, then they have a dad, a mom and a baby. If they are all girls, they have two mommies and a baby. My child doesn’t even think twice about that. That is how it should be! I am glad we are finally catching up!

The teachers said that she is very engaged, very happy, very easy going and that she has internalized all the classroom rules. Speaking of internalizing classroom rules, when she did more observing, she would tell the teachers when someone was “not using her walking feet”! One of the teachers described her as “the eyes of the classroom”!

Geeky Entrepreneur and I were, once again, very impressed with her teachers, all three of them. They know so much about child development and they teach in ways that are very different than anything we have ever experienced, but that are very intuitive at the same time. You can tell how much they love their job. They had notes on Ari, but they also remember tons of things about her, despite the fact that they have 24 kids ranging in ages from three to five. I love and respect teachers like my daughter’s. Teachers out there, you really do change lives! As for my daughter’s teachers, I feel very blessed and very grateful to the three people that spend 25% of the day, five days a week, teaching my daughter and treating her like she is a person who matters, not one more little kid.

All about Amor Chiquito: stories, funny statements and games

2011-03-27T20:41:00.000-04:00

Lots of funny Ari stories, statements and games this week. Here they are, in no particular order:

One of our favorite restaurants, Bertucci’s, an Italian restaurant, is very child-friendly. Ari always gets paper, three crayons, and a piece of dough. We keep the crayons in the car for days when Ari needs/wants something to keep her entertained. The other day she was using her crayons and she said, “The crayons live in Bertucci’s.” I think she was talking about where they came from. Funny how she knows many verbs, but does not use all of them properly.

The other day we were in the car, driving to a yummy pizza restaurant. Ari said, “Mommy dolphin, I hungry!” She insists that she is a pink dolphin and that we are a dolphin family! I wonder what type of family we will be next.

Daddy told Amor Chiquito to go to him so they could brush teeth and get ready for bed. She was in the process of delivering my water bottle to me. She said “daddy, be patient.” We laughed for a while that time!

We were driving home and Ari was asking me repeatedly if she could play with our neighbor’s child, if the little girl was home, etc. Daddy has been thinking about using the “energy drain” concept that the Love and Logic series talks about. Basically, if the child is not listening/does not stop doing X, mom/dad loses energy and can’t play/do fun things. The child needs to restore Dad’s energy somehow. I have mixed feelings about this approach, but that is a post for another day. It seems to me that she does not get it yet. Maybe she is not ready. Maybe we can explain it better. I am not sure which one is true.

Back to the story, Daddy told Ari that if she kept repeating herself, I was going to lose a lot of energy and so I would not be able to call the neighbor to ask if her child could come over.

Two minutes later, Ari was asking again, but she was addressing Daddy this time.

Daddy: Oh, Ari, mommy is losing energy.

Ari: I not talking to her. I talking to you!

What? You didn’t know a 3-year-old could be a smart ass?! I have been starting to see a fair bit of that lately! Pretty funny stuff!

We have an area for shoes. Everyone’s shoes “live” there. Ari forgot/chose not to take her shoes off (I don’t know which it was). She was walking upstairs and Daddy stopped and asked about the shoes. Her response: Daddy, the shoes live upstairs sometimes!

Again, 3-year-old smart ass!

We have a new game. It is the train game. Ari is first, followed by Daddy, his hands on her shoulders. I am last. I put my hands on Daddy. We run at the same time, from the living room, through the dining room, to the kitchen, and back, over and over again. Ari loves it. It is uncomfortable for us grownups because we have to bend, seeing as how she is just over three feet tall and Daddy is almost six feet! But we can do it a few times and it makes her very happy!

Lastly, did you know that our car has the ability to sing? I knew Toyota Corollas are awesome, but I didn’t know they could sing! The other day our “car” sang the ABC song to us! It was Amor Chiquito, of course, singing in a very deep, silly voice!

Have I mentioned lately that I am thoroughly loving this age?! I really love to see her learning how to do new things, learning new words, exploring, figuring out what she loves to do, listening to her talk about how she would love to do such and such, but we can’t do it right now for whatever reason. I even love to see her challenging boundaries and working on conflict resolution because it gives me a glimpse of her true personality. So far, what I see is a little girl who is loving, compassionate, very persistent, but who can back off when it is necessary. I also see a little girl who is willing to compromise but who is also learning to say no. I am heavily biased, but, so far, it looks good!

The Multiple Personalities of Amor Chiquito

2011-03-22T12:13:00.000-04:00

I think I mentioned a while back that Amor Chiquito was an elephant for a while. Every few weeks she becomes something different, usually an animal. This has been going on for at least four months now.

She makes the animal sound occasionally.

She talks about how such and such animal may or may not eat whatever we are having for dinner.

She talks about how such and such animal does not wear clothes, but she is a dolphin that gets to wear clothes and mittens!

This is the list so far:
Elephant for most of December.
Kitty cat for most of January, I think.
Sister jaguar for over a month (Go Diego Go).
Fairy for about three weeks, after Nana brought her a fairy costume.
Pink dolphin as of last Monday.

I think I got them all. Oh, every now and then she says she is a mermaid when she is in the tub.

Funny, fascinating stuff!

I wonder how much of this is because it is developmentally appropriate, because she comes from a crazy family with puppets and talking monkeys, or because she is simply a very silly and creative kid!

Does your child do this every now and then? Tell me some funny stories!

Recipe: Quinoa Chocolate Cake

2011-03-21T09:52:00.002-04:00

I came across this recipe about two weeks ago. It sounded strange to me, but I was very curious.

Does it sound weird? Yes, definitely!

Is it yummy? It is so, so yummy!

Does it taste super healthy? It does taste a bit crunchy, but this is a moist, delicious super chocolaty cake!

What makes me think it's yummy? Well, for one, my picky husband won't put it down! The man just can't get into whole grains and he loves this cake!

Try it! Tell me what you think!

http://hybridrastamama.blogspot.com/2011/03/quinoa-chocolate-cake-recipe-gluten.html

Ingredients

1 cup white or golden quinoa
2 cups water
1/3 cup whole milk
4 large eggs
1tsp. vanilla extract or vanilla bean paste
3/4 cup butter, melted and cooled
1 1/2 cups sucanat, rapadura, or sugar
1 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt (optional)

Directions

1. Combine the water and the quinoa in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, covered for 15-20 minutes. The water should be absorbed. Let cool.

2. Preheat oven to 350°F. Lightly grease two- 8" round cake pans. Line the bottoms of the pans with parchment paper. (You can also make cupcakes with this recipe).

3. Combine milk, eggs and vanilla in a blender or stand mixer. Blend or beat on low for one minute.

4. Measure out 2 cups of cooked quinoa and add to the blender or mixer. (You will probably have more than this so don’t just dump all the quinoa you made in).

5. Add the butter. Blend until smooth.
6. If using a blender, first whisk together the sucanat (or rapadura or sugar), cocoa, baking powder, and baking soda in a medium bowl. Add the contents of the blender and mix well. If using a stand mixer, just dump the remaining ingredients in and mix on medium until well blended.

7. Divide the batter between the two pans and bake on center rack of oven for 40-45 minutes (until a knife inserted comes out clean). If making cupcakes, fill cupcake tins ¾ of the way full and bake for 25 minutes (or until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.)

8. Remove cakes from oven and cool completely in the pans before serving. You could make a two layer cake and frost it at this point. Or just serve each cake as is.

I have a plan! I would like to bake Ari's birthday cake myself. I will use this recipe. I will not reveal the ingredient list to my anti crunchy eating family until after they have fallen in love with this cake! I can't wait to see their faces when I tell them they just ate a whole lot of quinoa! The only thing is that Ari wants a Dora cake and decorating cakes is not one of my strengths, to say the least. We'll figure that out later. We have almost six months, after all!

Half birthday today.

2011-03-18T21:12:00.001-04:00

Today is Amor Chiquito’s half birthday. I remember when she was about to turn one. It felt like a big deal. I can’t believe she is three and a half already! Wow! Before I know it, I’ll be planning her fourth birthday party.

At three and a half, Ari tells us stories, loves making up games, loves writing/drawing, cutting and gluing, loves doing things “as a family,” and loves making up songs! All the people that have told us that it gets better and better are absolutely right. I am loving this stage. It might be my favorite thus far.

Speaking of birthday parties, Ari is already telling me that she wants a Dora birthday. Why? Why me?! So be it. Her birthday, not mine. Sigh... :)

Podcast: The Power of Poop

2011-03-15T17:23:00.002-04:00

I don't even know where to start with this one!

There is a lot more to poop than the fact that it is stinky waste! Apparently, poop transfusions can help with some chronic illnesses. Here is the transcript to a podcast on transpoosions!

http://freakonomicsradio.com/the-power-of-poop.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+freakonomicsradio+%28Freakonomics+Radio%29

I have to say that I guess I have some hang ups and some growing up to do. I don't think I'm ready to sign up for this! That being said, I figured some of you might find it interesting, so there you have it! Go read about the power of poop!

Article: "Zee hormones of love are zee hormones of birth."

2011-03-13T19:16:00.002-04:00

Interesting and uplifting read about birth. Check it out!

http://chicomidwife.blogspot.com/2011/01/zee-hormones-of-love-are-zee-hormones.html#more

Now, if only more hospitals would get the hint!

Preschoolers throw the best birthday parties ever!

2011-03-07T19:23:00.002-05:00

My birthday was yesterday. Geeky Entrepreneur is working on a huge, time-sensitive project so I had anticipated that Ari and I would be on our own for the day. It turns out that my brother needed a sitter for a few hours. Sounded good to me; Ari would get to play with her cousin!

This is how we celebrated my birthday!

The kids wanted to play with playdough. Ari chose pink and my nephew chose purple.

Next thing I know, they come over with playdough cakes, playdough candles, they are singing happy birthday, and they are cutting pieces of playdough cake for me to eat!

They did this a few times. They then chased each other for a while. We played hide and seek. We had pizza, grapes and orange juice for lunch. They thoroughly trashed my living room, but I had a great, unforgettable birthday! It was very cute, just priceless!

On Saturday, Geeky Entrepreneur wanted to celebrate my birthday. He wanted to get Ari involved. We went out for lunch and then Ari and Daddy went to get me a surprise. Ari came back with a huge smile, a big hug, a loud "surprise" and a piece of yummy chocolate espresso cake! What a cute and sweet family I have!

I think I will remember when I turned 28 for a while!

What celebrations have your children enjoyed recently? Ari is a big fan of Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day, and birthdays. She is already planning her Dora birthday party!

Article: Nursing Beyond One Year

2011-03-01T16:40:00.003-05:00

This is a La Leche League article, with citations:
http://www.llli.org/NB/NBJulAug90p99.html

To those who can't wait until I wean Ari, I say there, now leave me alone!

She really is weaning herself, by the way. We are down to nursing four times a day and often she is nursing for a minute or so on each side. I am pretty certain that the before bed and morning feedings will be the last ones to go. Not sure which one will go first.

As one of my friends put it, no Mini Paul yet!

2011-02-28T23:26:00.003-05:00

So, the verdict is in. Not pregnant.

I got to have a long chat with my GYN. Just her and I. No students. That does not happen often, as she works for a teaching hospital. It is my choice, I know. Usually, I figure they need to learn at some point, with someone, so I don’t mind. But today I just wasn’t in the mood. I was ready to say no when she asked if she could bring the student in. I was hoping for some privacy and to get some medical advice from someone I trust. I knew the conversation would go differently if it was just her and I. I was right. When I asked about midwives in the area, she told me about the ones she really likes and the one group she does not like. She would not have said that if she had a student with her.

Anyways, she is not worried about my unusually long cycle. She said my “milk hormone” could still be high from when I was breastfeeding, to which I replied that I still am. Her response: “good for you. We don’t get to do that too many times during our lifetime. Do it for as long as you and her want to.” Thanks, doc. It’s nice not to be treated like I am a weirdo, and, frankly, I needed some nice, friendly words today. I guess I took for granted how regular my body has always been and so when I heard “your test came back negative” on the phone today… Let’s just say that the thoughts I was getting were not positive ones. I know a lot about infertility. I have a friend who has been trying to get pregnant for over four years. Wouldn't it be screwed up that my body "worked" this whole time and now that I know I want another baby, my body does not cooperate? I knew my thoughts were not rational, but they were there, nonetheless.

Long story short: she thinks that breastfeeding can have an impact on my cycle, even though I am only nursing about four times a day and I am not producing a lot of milk.

She said that we could check on my thyroid to rule that out. I need to decide if I want to do that right away or if I want to give my body some more time. I have had the test done before and the numbers have always been in the normal range.

She really thinks that I could be pregnant in a month or two. Naïve lady! She doesn’t know my kiddo’s schedule was screwed all winter break and she was going to bed at midnight. Naps are a blessing and a curse, did you know?! It’s not that easy to make a baby when you already have one!

K, now that I am done rambling and feeling like I might not be making much sense, it’s time to clean Ari’s lunch dishes and go to bed! Need to get back into my school night routine!

What did she say?!

2011-02-28T22:41:00.001-05:00

Several funny Ari stories!

We went to visit Nana this weekend. Ari was very excited. She loves going “to the hotel” and seeing Nana, of course. Once I told her we would be going to the hotel, she knew instantly that we would be seeing Nana. She said “mommy, when we go to the hotel, our house is far away, but Nana is not! We can go see Nana after we sleep. I want to surprise her! Is that a good idea?!” So cute!

At the hotel, out of the blue, Ari started jumping, dancing on the bed, and singing “coca-doodle-doo” over and over again! We have a video! I’ll try to upload it on here another time.

On the ride home, Ari started playing silly games and saying silly things. “The highway is… pink. The hotel is… orange. The road is… red!“

Later on, “Daddy, your name is… Grandma! Your name is… Monkey!”

Silly Daddy responded with “and your name is… Shoe!”

Ari: “That not my name! I not a shoe! I Arianna! I a ferry!” )She was a jaguar for a month (thanks, Go Diego Go!) but she moved on about a week ago!

Then… A different, strange sounding, deep voice… “I a shoe. I don’t have a name!”

A shoe talked to us! Yes, you did read that right! You see, my mother-in-law is a puppeteer. My husband has many talking stuffed animals, mostly monkeys.

All that being said, I was not prepared to hear a shoe talk to me! Heck, my crazy, I mean, creative, husband was not prepared for it either! We are still laughing about it! Daddy and Nana are proud as can be!

Moving on… Last night Ari was looking at some of our wedding photos at my mother’s. She said that I was a princess. Daddy explained that we got married that day and that is why we were dressed that way. Her response: “Oh. I want to get married too. I want to marry my cousin.”

Lastly, tonight, at some point during the hour we spent together trying to get her to go to sleep, Ari said that she and her friend R (her best friend, a male classmate) were talking about having a play date. I asked where they thought they would play. At school? She said that she does not know yet, that they have not talked about it yet. Maybe at his house.

What? My daughter is marrying her cousin and she is going on a date with a cute and sweet 4-year-old boy?! I can’t stop laughing!

By the way, just as a random aside, I can’t believe it took her over an hour to fall asleep even though she had been up for about 12 hours. This does not happen often, but, clearly, it does happen every now and then. Oh, that reminds me… At one point I said that I was feeling frustrated and tired. I got a “huh?” as if “what the hell are you saying, mommy?” She did not know that word, I get it.

10 seconds later, “I feel fuh-tay-ted too, mommy. I not ready for sleep.”

I can’t get over it! This kid is too much! I just love love her silliness, her strange, made up games, and the remarks that come out of that little mouth! It does not get old!

Today is the day!

2011-02-28T10:09:00.002-05:00

Today I find out if I am pregnant or if my body is doing some sort of strange stuff it had never done before.

Sounds silly, particularly since I already have a child, but I am feeling nervous! There is no reason to be nervous. If I am pregnant, great. If I am not, we can try again. Still, I have that familiar nervous feeling on my tummy!

My appointment is at 2:15pm. Only four hours away!

Oh, by the way, I did try Planned Parenthood. It's nice to have readers who have a brain! Thank you, Logical Mommy, for the suggestion. It turns out they used to do blood pregnancy tests, but not anymore. Also, it turns out that needing an order from a provider for the test is not hospital policy. I am assuming it is statewide.

I understand needing an order for the blood test if my health insurance is going to pay for my blood test, but no such luck here. So, in that case, I insist that I am a grownup, I have a brain, it's my arm that will get poked and it's the money my husband worked his tail off to earn, so, dang it, I should just be able to go get me a blood pregnancy test!

How did I end up getting the test? I called my GYN's office yet again and explained my acid reflux situation, how if I am pregnant, then I know I can't take the medication, but if I am not, there is no need to be this uncomfortable. Finally got the dang slip! Today I find out just how much money Tums will be making from me and if I am not touching Prilosec for eight months or so.

Are you ready for a health care vent?!

2011-02-24T17:49:00.001-05:00

If you are not, you might as well skip this post! I’ll try to keep it brief, I promise!

Here is the story. I am late, as in my period was due a week ago today. Most of the time I have a 28 day cycle. My longest cycle ever was 31 days.

I know what you’re thinking! Pregnant, for sure.

I have done multiple pregnancy tests. Negative.

I call my GYN’s office to request an order for a blood pregnancy test after learning that I could be pregnant and the home pregnancy tests might not pick up the HCG (pregnancy hormone). Yes, that does happen. It happened to my best friend, it happened to my neighbor, etc., etc. Something to do with how my body produces HCG and the test just can’t pick it up.

The nurse wants me to come in for an appointment and she wants me to wait another week. What? I did not ovulate late. I know my body. Furthermore, health insurance is expensive in MA. We have the cheapest one and we still pay over $700 per month. This is the preventative plan. In other words, it covers our physicals and it starts to pick up other medical expenses after one person has spent over $2,000 or the family has spent over $4,000. The alternative would have been paying about $1,100 per month.

Anyways, this means that we need to spend $75 on a blood pregnancy test and another $100 or so to see a midwife or a GYN so that she can hand me an slip for a blood pregnancy test.

Oh, by the way, in Puerto Rico, I could go request a blood pregnancy test, pay $25, get the result the next morning, and be done with it.

Can you tell I am mythed? Is this not ridiculous?! I might be pregnant and I might not know until I am six weeks along?

Oh, by the way, I have acid reflux from hell. I am not taking the medication just in case I am indeed pregnant. If I am not, it would be great to know so I can stop being so freakin’ uncomfortable. Sometimes my reflux is so bad I can’t lie down. I would like to kick a nurse right about now!

Monday afternoon I am seeing the GYN who delivered Ari. I had scheduled this appointment a while ago. I’ll go in there, say hi, get the slip from her, and pay her over $100 just for seeing her for ten minutes and getting a piece of paper from her. Freakin’ awesome.

Ok, done!

Things that make me smile and make me want to hug my Ari!

2011-02-20T10:47:00.002-05:00

What are some of the things kids do that make you smile?

Here is my list:

When she comes over and gives us hugs and kisses completely unprompted.

When I ask who she had lunch with and she responds, happily "R, my best friend"!

When I see her chasing her friend R at the playground.

When I see her and her daddy playing all sorts of silly games together, like the game where she steals his socks and runs away, the game where they feed a dragon, the game where she feeds daddy pretend ice cream, etc., etc.

When she asks for a family hug before bed.

When we talk about our day before she goes to sleep.

When she gives me something, she puts it right on my hand (I am very, very low vision).

When we make homemade waffles together in the weekend.

When, in conversation, she says things like "we're a team, mommy, we're a team"!

She is awesome!

Tell me some cute stories!

A Beautiful Unplanned Unassisted Birth Story

2011-02-20T10:24:00.003-05:00

So, before you go freaking out on me, personally, I would not plan an unassisted birth. I would consider a home birth. In fact, it sounds very appealing to me, after the experience I had the first time around, so long as I am accompanied by a midwife who has lots of experience, who could notice if something was starting to go wrong, who would respect my choices, and who I got along with easily. The other option I would consider is a birth center. There is a new birth center near us that does water births. More on that on a separate post.

So, there, that is my latest crunchy revelation!

Now, onto the blog entry I wanted to share:
http://www.jobdescriptionmommy.com/job-description-mommy/2011/02/guest-post-the-accidental-unassisted-birth-of-emily-by-andi-crater.html

This mama was planning a home birth. Her midwife was on the way. Things happened very quickly. The contractions were never super painful, so she thought she had a lot of time before her baby would be born. I want a birth like that!

The whole story is beautiful. My favorite part is the fact that the mama's 2-year-old would come and hug mom just before a contraction would start!

The topics my 3-year-old has been discussing lately...

2011-02-20T08:17:00.000-05:00

Here is a list of the topics Amor Chiquito has talked or asked about recently:

Why people work.

How people get money and what we do with it.

“Is Daddy working so we can buy food and go on the big boat again?”

“I don’t like the winter. I want to go back to the beach.” Don’t we all!

We went shopping and she wanted several things. I got her a jump rope and the Don’t Break the Ice game, but said we would need to save to get the other toys. She wants to save money to get herself a $20 Leapfrog laptop!

Daddy told her that school is her job and she said that she does not make money there so it’s not a job! She can’t make money because she is too little.

She is starting to talk about eating healthy.

For a few days, she was obsessed with not eating too much because her tummy would hurt. I think she heard one of us say that once and it really made an impression on her.

She has been hearing about her cousin’s birthday party, which is happening later today. She would like to have a Dora cake for her birthday. Why me?! I feel Dora is so annoying!

She would like a “sister baby.”

“Mommy, why you no have a son?”

She asked how babies get out of mommies’ tummies.

She also asked how babies get in mommies’ tummies! What? I didn’t ask any of this until I was five!

I am sure there is more, but this is what comes to mind right now.

Fascinating stuff!

Is it all about separation?

2011-02-18T09:35:00.002-05:00

I am kicking myself! I should/could have realized this sooner.

I have now spoken to two of Ari's three teachers about our mornings. One of them is a mother. The other day, B, the teacher, told me she asked Ari if she liked school and Ari said yes. B suggested that it might all be about separation, that if we spent the whole day with Ari in school, she probably would not complain about going to school in the morning. This conversation happened on Wednesday.

Thursday morning was work sharing. This is where the parents have the opportunity to spend the first half hour with the child in the classroom. This happens every other Thursday. We usually get through three activities. I very much look forward to work sharing days!

Wednesday afternoon, I realized that work sharing would let us test B's hypothesis. Thursday morning, before Ari had time to go through her morning ritual of saying she did not want to go to school, I told her that we would be working with her in her classroom that morning. She was beaming! She was so excited! She did not complain about going to school once.

B was dead on. And so was Daddy. He had mentioned this as a possibility a few weeks back, but, somehow, it did not click for me. I think it was because he talked about us being fun, not about separation. It's all about the key words, I guess!

So what to do now? It will be a learning process, like everything else. Here is what I am thinking so far:

I told her she can tell me when she would like mommy time or hugs. She is doing that.

I am making a point of spending more time with her after school. Often, she wants some time to just sit and watch TV. Frankly, I am not a fan of sitting down to watch Dora, but I think I might just suck it up and try. It would give us time to hug and cuddle.

I am spending more time playing silly games and finding things to talk about.

When the morning ritual comes up, I can be empathetic about the fact that she might be missing us and wishing we were there. We can dialog about how we can spend time together before school, after school, and how I can try to get to school earlier so we can spend some time together at the playground or getting her artwork from her folder. Every Friday the teachers put her artwork in a mailbox at school for us. But Ari really enjoys giving us the artwork herself. If I can get to school 15 minutes earlier and it will, in turn, make my child happier and my mornings more pleasant, I'll do it! I might not be able to do it every day, but I can try.

Assuming that Ari's concern is separation, do you have any other thoughts or suggestions?

Article: Psychological Impact of Circumcision

2011-02-13T19:46:00.002-05:00

Just came across this article:
http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/goldman1/

It is clearly an anti circumcision article. A lot to think about and consider. I like that it sighted impirical studies.

If you have any circumcision articles you found helpful, be it pro or against, please feel free to share.

I know some of my readers have circumcised their boys. Please don't take it personal!

Update on the anti-school morning routine...

2011-02-12T16:01:00.002-05:00

I talked to one of Amor Chiquito's preschool teachers on Thursday. He says Ari seems very happy, has a few friends she hangs out with all the time, and is working on many different things. He said "it looks like she is having the time of her life," as we were looking at her playing at the playground with her best friend, a very cute 4-year-old boy! He said that he would check in with the other teacher (she was absent that day) and ask if she was aware of anything.

Daddy says that Ari is happy to go in the classroom once they get there. In fact, sometimes, she almost forgets to give him a hug!

So it looks like it is nothing but normal kid stuff. Yay! I rather deal with that than deal with her feeling uneasy in the classroom, a kid bothering her, or anything like that.

Recently, I started telling her that she can tell me if she wants a mommy hug or if she would like some mommy time. She has been doing that. I figured if she is craving/needing more mommy time, that might help with the whining and the morning issues.

Long story short: it is a work in progress!

Tons of parenting podcasts!

2011-02-12T15:52:00.002-05:00

On this website, you will find many parenting podcasts. It looks like authors of different parenting books are interviewed.
https://yps1.worldsecuresystems.com/podcasts

I have not listened to any of them yet. Just discovered the website five minutes ago! But they sure do sound interesting.

Seeing as how, for me, parenting is a work in progress and I never stop learning, this is very exciting and I am looking forward to podcasting out! It's a new verb, one I made up a while back, thanks to Geeky Entrepreneur practically sleeping with his damn mp3 player!

Website: Fever in Infants and Children

2011-02-08T22:10:00.003-05:00

I was trying to help my neighbor whose 3-year-old has a high fever and found this website:
http://familydoctor.org/online/famdocen/home/tools/symptom/504.html

It mentions different symptoms, what may be going on, and if you should call the doctor or go to the ER.

On sharing unsolicited opinions...

2011-02-08T20:32:00.002-05:00

Disclaimer: I am feeling very emotional tonight. No clue as to why, I just am. I apologize if this post turns out to be a disorganized rant.

That being said, I really wish people would stop and think before they share their opinions, particularly when they disagree with the way others parent. There are cases where a child is in danger, where it is obvious the child's needs are not being met, be it emotionally or physically, or cases where the child is not being treated with love and respect. When you are witness to such a thing, by all means, please try to find a way to respectfully talk to the parent of the child. Offer empathy, understanding, and suggestions. Do your best to avoid using an accusatory or condescending tone. Actually, let me back up. Before you do all that, go do some research and make sure you are right. Sometimes we think we are correct and we are not. Sometimes we think we know the facts and it is only our opinion, which may or may not be correct.

Going back to the way people parent, as I have said many times, different things work for different parents and kids. Here is my story. I have very high expectations as far as what type of mother I want to be. I feel that raising my little girl is the most important and biggest responsibility I will ever have. She has her own personality, but I strongly believe that the way I treat and address her will impact her a great deal. I am aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. I feel like since my Ari was born, I am always learning something. Sometimes, I feel as though I have the hang of something only to realize later on that a different way of doing things feel better/more appropriate to me. Example: discipline. More on that on another post.

As my mother-in-law has said many times, babies make you eat your nevers! There are many things I do or have done that I never thought I would do.

I have done a fair bit of cosleeping.

I am still breastfeeding. On, say, day 10, I didn't know if I would make it to six weeks, never mind nursing for over three years.

My kitchen is full of fresh fruit and veggies and there are probably only two or three cans of food in there. I refuse to tell you what my diet looked like when I was a teenager attending college!

I keep thinking about how Ari being in school has changed her eating habits. I think about what to send for lunch, what would be yummy and healthy snacks that I can bring when I pick her up, etc. I think I am going to start baking more. You have no idea just how much I dislike cooking, but there you have it! Tons of fruits and veggies, few cans, and lots of homemade snacks and meals.

You also have no clue as to how much I love Burger King! But I am trying very hard to avoid going there often because I don't want my child to think that eating French fries and cheeseburgers is something we do all the time.

So, bottom line is I feel like I have good and bad days, but, overall, I am giving this mothering thing my best. On days like today, when I feel emotional and my choices are criticized, based on someone's opinion, not on any facts, I don't know if I want to kick someone or if I just want to cry.

People, you don't know why others make the choices they make. You don't know what they know or don't know, what they have learned via first-hand experience or research. You don't know what their and their kids' preferences are. Don't be so quick to point out how others should or should not do such and such.

Someone who I respect and love dearly was telling me today that she thinks that Ari should have been weaned long ago, that breastfeeding is about nourishment, that the minute Ari started eating solids there was no reason to nurse anymore. She said that breastfeeding Ari at this age is about something else, that "something else" being a negative thing. I happen to disagree with her wholeheartedly. Breastfeeding, for us, is not only about nourishment. Breastfeeding is about a bond, a special and unique bond between my daughter and I. Breastfeeding boosts the child's immune system. Breastfeeding has a positive impact not only on her health but on mine too.

It is my choice to decide if/when I wean. I respect those that will nurse longer than I will and those that weaned earlier on. It is my choice if I will wean or if I will wait for my child to wean herself. It is my choice to change my mind. Now that my child understands language, I feel it is appropriate to talk to her about weaning, about how little babies need a lot of milk, kids like her eat food and get a little milk, and how some day she will be ready to stop and my body will stop making milk. It is my responsibility to listen to my child, to take her needs and wants into consideration, and to also set boundaries and ensure that I am taking care of my own needs.

Person that I love and respect so much, you love my child to pieces, but you only see us once a month. You don't know all the details about our breastfeeding relationship and how we are feeling about it. You parented your boys a while back the best way you knew how. Now it is my turn. I assure you that that little one that you love so much is loved and is being raised the best way I know how. I believe that breastfeeding, for now, is right for us. We will be done when we are both ready. I love you, but, please, think before you speak. Sometimes I feel like I just can't do anything right when it comes to parenting. When I talked about preschool, it was too early. When I talked about adopting, I got a weird look. When I talk about breastfeeding, you think I am doing something wrong. There are times when I screw up. That is inevitable. Breastfeeding is not a screw-up. When you disagree or think I am making a mistake, please take a minute to remember that I am doing the best I know how, to remember that I think and research a lot before I make decisions, and remember that empathy works better than a criticizing tone.

Ok, I'm done! Talking to Geeky Entrepreneur and writing it all out made me feel better.

It starts early.

2011-02-08T13:44:00.002-05:00

Not wanting to go to school, that is.

The past few weeks, each and every morning, we hear the same thing.

Ari: I no want go to school. I no want to see my friends. I want stay home.

Me: Why?

Ari: Because. Because no. I want stay home.

Me: Why do you want to stay home?

Ari: Because I want to. I want to watch Dora.

Me: Does someone bother you in school?

Ari: Drew.

Me: Did he hurt you?

Ari: Not yet. He hit other kids.

On and on and on...

What to do?

I have wondered if it is a stage, the typical "I don't want to go just because." I have wondered if she feels uncomfortable. If so, what is going on? I have wondered if someone is picking on her or bothering her. If so, how do the teachers handle it? Would they tell me about it?

At this point, my guess is that it is simply that she wants to stay home just because. That being said, I feel I ought to look into it. If something was going on, I would kick myself later, to say the least.

I am going to talk to one of her teachers. I also would like to go in and observe via the one-way window for a little bit. I wouldn't make a habit of doing this. I would not want to make the teachers feel uncomfortable. But I would like to learn more about what it is like in the classroom. And, I want to know, first hand, how my child is doing and feeling when she is in the classroom. It will be a bit interesting to pull this off. Not driving sucks big time, particularly when the school is 20 minutes away and we live in the boonies, sort of. But I'll figure something out.

If I am correct, if this is only the classic "I want to stay home just because," how should I handle it? What do you do?

Thus far, I have been empathetic, understanding, but firm that she is going to school. I wouldn't mind keeping her home for a day if she needed to recharge. But she is saying she does not want to go each and every day. Yesterday, she said she did not want to go. If going on a cruise of the Caribbean for a week did not recharge her, I don't know what would!

Thoughts?

Three-year-olds are so clever!

2011-02-07T21:08:00.002-05:00

This is a good one! I am heavily biased, but, still, Ari is just too funny and impish!

We went out to dinner last night and I got a tiramisu. I shared it with her. We had some of it and I was going to save the rest for later.

Ari: Mommy, why you not eating anymore?

Me: Because I am full. I will finish eating it later.

Ari: But I'm not. When people are full, the kid eats the cake.

Geeky Entrepreneur and I could not stop laughing! I just love the remarks and realizations she makes. It never gets old!

Happy birthday, Daddy!

2011-01-27T22:23:00.002-05:00

Today is Geeky Entrepreneur's birthday. As is typical with us, we did something simple and low key. I baked a blueberry cake and made lasagna for dinner.

I was feeling like I could have planned better, like I could have made his birthday more fun. It turns out I was wrong!

When Ari and I came home from school, she ran in Daddy's home office to say, more like scream, happy birthday! Unfortunately, Daddy was on the phone.

When we were getting ready to sing happy birthday, I asked Ari if she would like to bring the dessert plates to the table. She said yes. She not only brought them to the table. She walked around and gave everyone a plate, Daddy, grandma, Mommy, and herself!

She then did the same with spoons.

I asked her if she would like to bring the cake to the table. She was ecstatic! She very cautiously and carefully carried the cake!

We sang happy birthday together. Ari was beaming the entire time!

Daddy got many "happy birthday, Daddy" and many family hugs today!

At the end of the day, he said this was the best birthday he ever had! He enjoyed the meal and the cake, but I know that isn't what made it the best birthday ever! It was all about the fact that his 3-year-old was aware of the whole birthday celebration for the first time ever. Last year, as far as she was concerned, it was a chance to eat cake! This year, she was talking about it and looking forward to it for days. She made her Daddy feel very special!

It's the little things... I am so happy and so grateful. I love my little family!

Surprising Daddy, 3-year-old style!

2011-01-26T17:14:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, my mother told Ari her cousin's birthday is coming up in February. Ari happily informed her grandma that her Daddy's birthday comes first. Brilliant me joined the conversation and told Ari we could bake Daddy a cake together and that it would be a surprise. She asked what type of cake it would be, what we would put in it, etc.

Fast-forward about half an hour... Ari and I come home.

Ari: Daddy, we have surprise for you. We make blueberry cake for you with milk and flour!"

I ended up baking the cake today so Ari could be part of the process, as opposed to baking it tomorrow morning, when everyone is gone. Tomorrow I'll prepare one of his favorite meals and I will not tell Ari ahead of time what that meal will be!

Silly kid! So darn cute!

Article: Breaking the Silence

2011-01-26T13:02:00.002-05:00

This is a must-read article, me thinks! Talks about how being a new mother is very hard and people tend to avoid talking about it.

http://birthfaith.org/postpartum-helps/breaking-the-silence

Article: Facts About Motherhood

2011-01-24T08:20:00.003-05:00

A list of the things that are just a bit different once one becomes a parent! I say parent, not mother, because I happen to know a fair number of dads out there who are just as actively engaged and involved as mom.
http://www.authenticparenting.info/2011/01/facts-about-motherhood.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AuthenticParenting+%28Authentic+Parenting%29

Only a little different... Right?!

Somehow, I'm signing up for this again! Yikes!

And, yes, it's true. I've been known to have a little someone go in the bathroom with me and say things like "Mommy, did you wipe? Don't forget to wipe."

Long showers... Pre-motherhood, they were showers. Now, they are "luxurious showers"! Oh how I love them!

Room-temperature food... My poor husband... When we go out to eat, often, it seems like Ari needs to go pee when the food is about to come out or it just did. We take turns, but he ends up taking her more often. If she has not seen him all day, she wants her daddy to help her. Also, if we go to a new restaurant with poor lighting, it's easiest for the parent with the better eyes to go find the bathroom.

Sleep... Yes, I agree wholeheartedly! This is, by far, what I miss the most! Can someone tell me just why the heck kids need to wake up so freaking early?! Why is it that on weekend days she wakes up before 7am and on school days, sometimes, it's 7:40 and I can't get her out of bed? Fascinating stuff!

So, yes, having a child turns your life upside-down, in a way, but it is also very rewarding. It is difficult to put that rewarding feeling into words.

I have some news!

2011-01-23T19:01:00.002-05:00

So, after lots of talking and tons of thinking...

We are officially trying to conceive #2!!!

Wow, I can't believe I just typed that!

I am hoping for a fall/winter baby. Let's see if we can manage to have me come back from our cruise with child and I'm not talking about our adorable existing child!

I am very excited, and, frankly, somewhat scared! On most days, having a preschooler feels very manageable. But then there are those crazy nights, those very sucky nights. We have had a number of those recently. Thank you, germs; I so hate you! Germs are the one thing I hate about preschool.

Anyways, here is to a new journey, a new chapter in our lives!

Leapfrog Scribble and Write it is!

2011-01-22T18:01:00.003-05:00

The other day I posted about how I was looking at the Leapster. Thank you for leaving comments. They were very helpful!

I decided to get the Leapfrog Scribble and Write for a number of reasons.

She can work on learning to write, which she is very interested in.

It is small, so it looks just right for traveling. We will be in a plane for three hours next weekend, so just in time!

To be perfectly honest, this is the biggest reason! It is much cheaper than the other options I was considering! The Leapster 2 and the Leapster Explorer sound super cool, but they are each over $50 and each game generally costs around $25. So it was either spend at least $75 or $25! Should I mention that Christmas just happened and that I had a blast shopping for my child?! Know what I mean?!

My thought is let's see how she likes it and does with it. If she likes it, we can consider the Leapster 2 or the Leapster Explorer when her birthday is coming up.

Leapster, anyone?

2011-01-19T08:20:00.003-05:00

So, apparently my 'crunchiness' has affected the way I shop! I am a big fan of getting Ari toys that are fun, educational and interactive as opposed to electronic toys where the child ends up playing by herself for extended periods of times if we don't set some boundaries. I don't think they are evil or anything, don't get me wrong. I think they are great, so long as we don't get so used to them that we stop spending a reasonable amount of time interacting with our kids.

So, all that being said, I have been hearing about the Leapster recently. I looked it up last night and it sounds super cool! One of the new games/attachments for it turns it into a camera. My Ari would so love that thing! Lately, she is borrowing our camera because she loves to take pictures. There are also Dora and Go Diego Go games that have to do with rescuing animals. You have no idea how many times in one day we pretend to save animals with ropes and other tools!

So... I am thinking about it. Do you know kids that have them? Do your kids have one? What do you think about them?

For those who are not familiar with the Leapster, but are curious, here it is:
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3104361

Article: Five Benefits to Cosleeping Past Infancy

2011-01-18T22:31:00.004-05:00

So, cosleeping and bedsharing... A controversial topic...

As I have mentioned before, I believe in doing whatever works best for your family. Currently, this is what is working for us: Ari starts out on a mattress next to our bed. Sometime in the middle of the night, her and her elephant come over. We tried transitioning her to her room. It was not the right time. I could have forced the issue, made her miserable, and given up on tons of sleep. No thank you! There are times when nothing is working and you have to do something, try something different. But sharing our bedroom works for us, so we went back to that.

Yes, she is three. Yes, before she was born, I would have never imagined that she would still be in our bedroom. Furthermore, I never thought I would be ok with this.

Life as parents has taught me over and over again that I ought to do what is right for my family, regardless of what others think. I follow my gut. I do whatever keeps my family happy and healthy. That includes both my child and my husband. Finding a balance can be difficult at times. I am not saying it's always easy! Keeping everyone happy and healthy requires lots of adjusting and lots of communication. But it is definitely worth it. Right now, we wake up to a happy child telling us stories about pretend games or her plans for the day.

So, now that I have told you all about our sleep arangements, which is not what I set out to do, here is the article I wanted to share!

http://naturalparentsnetwork.com/five-benefits-cosleeping/

Update on us...

2011-01-13T21:11:00.002-05:00

I realized I have been neglecting my blog again. Here is an update...

My silly child continues to pretend she is different animals! For a few weeks she was an elephant. Then she was a kitty cat. Last Friday she came home saying she is now a butterfly, a blue butterfly!

She is enjoying singing, dancing, and pretending all sorts of different things. Today she pretended that my mother's bedroom was a school and that my mom's yoga ball was the school's gate!

When we tell her it's time to go, she puts up pretend gates so we can't get to her!

She is still enjoying and loving school and so are we. In fact, we just re-enrolled her for the next academic year. She will be in the same classroom.

Geeky Entrepreneur had surgery on 12/23. His gallbladder was removed. Turnes out it was very inflamed. He still has a few stitches, but is mostly back to normal and can now eat whatever the heck he wants!

We just went on a little trip to see some friends last weekend. Ari got to play with my friend's 3-year-old. They got along very well and they are so cute together! Us grownups got to play Pandemic! So much fun! It is a cooperative board game. Check it out!

We just got tons of snow, maybe two feet? To be honest, I am horrible at checking the weather reports!

We are going on vacation in just over two weeks! Cruise of the Western Caribbean this time (Cozumel, Mexico; Grand Cayman; and Ocho Rios, Jamaica). Seven days away from this super cold place! I can't wait! Ari is excited and has asked if we can get another "boat that we put air into"!

I think that is about it for us. Let's see if I can get into some sort of schedule!

"Practice babies," are you serious?

2011-01-10T22:04:00.003-05:00

Wow, I am in shock. I can't believe people would do this. I know people who did not study psychology may not know much about attachment theory. But, it's instinctual, is it not?

Why the heck would you have a child receive care from a group of mothers for a few weeks, then another group, then another...? You get the point. Wow. Unbelievable.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/practice-babies-cornell-unveils-dark-history-adoption-world/story?id=12548705

K, done. I'm going to bed. I am very tired and this really made me angry!

Article: Sighing

2011-01-07T18:46:00.002-05:00

A short article. A nice reminder.
http://www.authenticparenting.info/2011/01/sighing.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AuthenticParenting+%28Authentic+Parenting%29

Our kids are people with feelings. Let's remember to be aware about how we respond to them.

Article: Are you your child's friend?

2011-01-05T10:38:00.002-05:00

I have been discovering several very interesting and informative parenting websites recently.

Check out this article:
http://www.enjoyparenting.com/daily-groove/friend

Growing up, I remember my mom feeling happy that her and I were 'friends.' As a grownup, I began thinking the idea of parents and kids being friends was a bad one. To be honest, I have not thought about it a whole heck of a lot recently, perhaps because Ari is still little? This article raises an interesting point. What is a friend? Given the article's definition of what a friend is, I think being your child's friend can be a beautiful and powerful thing for all involved. Thoughts?

Article from La Leche League

2010-12-30T13:06:00.003-05:00

I was on the LLL website trying to find some information to help a friend with a newborn. Did not find what I was looking for, but I found this article:
http://www.llli.org/NB/Law45com.html

"I also realized that our society has little understanding of newborns, and does not sanction compassion for their needs or feelings. Demand nursing, as
I saw it, was no different from caring for a family member who has been rendered powerless. Would we refuse an incapacitated father a meal because it was "not time"? Or leave a paralyzed spouse alone in a room to "cry it out"--checking in every 10 minutes to say, "It's Ok"--without trying to find out what
is wrong and doing something about it? If he or she only wanted to be held, would we refuse, for fear of spoiling someone we love? How can anyone claim that legal or religious tenets require us to deny babies sustenance and comfort "in their best interests"?"